


Emerald Eyes

by TacticalCupcakes



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-06-05 20:16:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 45,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15178505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacticalCupcakes/pseuds/TacticalCupcakes
Summary: "Maybe this time... things will be different?"Relive the story of "Doki Doki Literature Club" through the perspective of the eponymous club's president. How does she navigate life, and what is she really thinking behind the scenes?





	1. Variable;Day=0

I’ve lost track of how many times this has happened.

 

I’m not sure why I expect things to be any different each time I reset the script. Perhaps it’s just part of the human condition to latch on to any sense of hope, or maybe it’s a defense mechanism to prevent my mind from truly crumbling beyond repair. Maybe I’ve already gone off the deep end, and I’m just lying to myself. I’m not quite sure. But at the very least, if I do go insane, I’ll be aware of it.

If you were able to rewind time and relive your past, would you? What if you could change certain events, which would have a carry-over effect?

…Sorry, I’m probably getting a bit too over my head too early. I suppose I should try and sum things up a little.

There was a time where I simply went through my day, happily talking to my friends, writing poetry, and running my own club after school. I was a model student; regarded by many as smart and popular.

However, one day, something started to feel… well, not right. People seemed to follow set paths and schedules down to the second; it became easy to predict where people would be, and what they would do. I eventually came to the conclusion that it didn’t really matter where I was or what I was doing. I could skip class, and people would still believe I’d aced whatever exam was going on. I could lie down in the middle of the floor and be approached by another student, congratulating me on my performance in last week’s badminton match. It was irrelevant whether or not I answered them.

Then I became aware of how my friends interacted with each other, or with myself. I would get intense feelings of déjà vu, and we’d follow the same schedule in an endless loop.

I remember one day staring out of the window and noticing what appeared to be a hollow section of the sky, almost translucent. Curiously I focused on it, trying to peer inside. It was at this point that I started to notice the entire sky was effectively clear, with a gentle set of eyes scanning the world below.

Like a javelin through my heart, it hit me; I wasn’t looking into something in the sky, someone out there was looking _in_. This wasn’t real life: this was a video game.

I tried to explain it to the others, but they couldn’t see it, and the next day they had completely forgotten about it. The people I’d thought of as my closest friends; Sayori, the cheerful vice president of the literature club; Yuri, a demure young woman with a passion for reading; and Natsuki, a feisty girl who loved baking and manga; they were just constructed characters designed to fall in love with the player character, Sayori’s featureless childhood friend. Even then, he was just designated that; I doubt in this universe they even had memories of a time together.

And my role in all of this? You’d think that, given my knowledge of the greater scope of our existence, I’d be a key player in the story, right?

If only that were true. I was the game’s “exposition fairy”. I told the player about each of the girls, and helped them find romance. The player could follow dynamic storylines in an attempt to woo my friends, but would never be able to spend time with me outside of the club.

I began to grow bitter and jealous. I’d act passive-aggressively to my friends and the main character of the story. Every time the cycle repeated, it would start out the same: Sayori would bring her friend MC to the club, everyone would introduce themselves, and the player would control his actions until MC was guided towards “true love”.

But once the game’s events went underway, I began acting against the script. I tried to keep it subtle to avoid breaking the player’s immersion, relegating my actions to smaller things that would have a bigger effect later on. For example, I would start teasing MC about not choosing to be around me, or I would interrupt his time with my friends whenever they seemed to find that special moment.

However, no matter what I did, no matter how the story changed on account of my actions, once the week had progressed, time reset. Have you ever seen the movie _Groundhog Day_? It stars Bill Murray as a journalist who gets stuck in an infinite loop of the same day, and is forced to repeat his actions. He slowly comes to the realization that he can do whatever he wants, since it won’t matter, even acting sociopathic at points.

During some of my darkest moments, in an attempt to force the player to spend time with me over the others, I would act similarly. I drove my friends to suicide, eliminating any other choice until they were railroaded towards me. I rationalized that the player on the other side of the sky was the only other “real” entity in my universe. My friends simply followed a script, so it was irrelevant whether they were happy or sad, since within a week they’d forget all about it. The game seemed to end once we reached “the festival”, a cultural event where we would attempt to gain more members for the club. Unfortunately, the actual event would never happen, and everyone would simply go back to square one.

I feverishly tried to establish contact with the player. Realizing that I didn’t even have a home to go to, I took up residence in an unused part of the school, turning it into my own safe haven from the clawing existential dread. Every day, I would fire up my laptop and try to reroute various flags in the game, changing it from the inside out, hoping that I could break a pathway through the files and into their reality, but I could never figure it out.

But that’s enough backstory for now; the point is, unless the cycle can somehow be broken, I’m doomed to a painful eternity of true loneliness.

Whenever the show is about to begin, I flip through the script to get a refresher on what’s supposed to happen.

Sitting at my laptop, I scroll through my folders until I find the relevant file, and open it up.

“Wait… what’s this?”

I wonder out loud, scanning through the text on the screen. I can only access the first page; _this can’t be right…_

The document seemed to be the same as usual, but one major detail stuck out to me.

> _Sayori brings her childhood friend Emery to the clubroom._

“…Emery?”

 

He's not referred to as “MC” as he always has been in the past. He has a name. He has a _name_.

 

“Does this mean… things might be different this time around?”


	2. Set ratio; Sleep/hours

I wake up the following morning in the futon I had rolled out in my secret room. I never have to worry about anyone finding this place since it’s out of the way of any established route set for the other characters in the game. Even if I don’t sleep, it’s still somewhat comforting to roll out my bedding like-

 

_Wait, hang on._

_I woke up. I woke up…_

Something is definitely different. Usually, outside of the game’s story everything becomes a blur of colours and shrill static, almost like jagged sheets of rusty metal being raked against each other. I truthfully cannot remember the last time I actually slept.

_This means one of two things. Either the player has left the game open, which wouldn’t give it a chance to decompile, or…_

_No, that couldn’t be possible. I must just be imagining things…_

 

I stretch my arms outward, and drowsily drift over to the small kitchen area I’d set aside in the corner of the room. It’s not much, but there’s enough to keep me going; a small refrigerator, a toaster, a microwave, and an electric kettle all neatly stacked on top of each other. Directly next to them is a small wooden cupboard and a shiny metal sink. I flick a switch on the kettle, and soon enough it’s filled with boiling water.

Letting out a yawn, I fumble through the cupboard until I find a suitable mug, and begin mixing together the water with some coffee grounds. I know that caffeine isn’t too good for you, but the rich flavour of the drink gives me a sense of being, you know? It’s kind of hard to put into words, but it’s such a strong sensation that it helps me focus on what’s happening in the moment.

I kneel down and fetch a sizeable doughnut from the refrigerator and break off a piece, dunking it into the coffee. I don’t know many people who do this still, but I’ve always liked having doughnuts this way. The way the doughnut transforms into a beautiful warm treat that deliciously oozes the coffee, the flavours mingling and it crumbles around your tongue… it’s divine.

The world around me might not be real, but I still get hungry. _I wonder if anyone else has those basic human needs or feelings…_

Do my friends need to sleep? Do they need to eat? Or do they flick in and out of existence, only reappearing when it’s relevant to the story? Part of me wants to know, but then I remember that since they’re not real, it’s not really important whether or not they do, since they would always think they did anyway.

Once I’m finished with my simple meal, I down my coffee and leave the mug on my table. It’ll find its way back into the cupboard once today’s club meeting finishes, so there’s no real point in cleaning it.

In the back of the room is a modest cupboard where I keep my clothes. There’s several identical sets of school uniform in addition to some towels. I don’t know what I did to anger whoever put me here, but out of my friends, I’m the only person who doesn’t have any kind of casual outfit.

If I were able to change my attire, I’d pick out an elegant sundress and some cute strappy sandals. Whilst I do have a somewhat different outfit compared to everyone else, being able to wear something besides my uniform would be incredible. It’s not something you might think about, but it’s awfully taxing on your mind to not be able to express your individuality through your appearance.

I remove the components for a new uniform and a fluffy towel from the cupboard, and make my way across the school grounds to the locker rooms. It’s still early in the morning, so I don’t need to worry about interrupting anyone’s routines, and can have a relatively peaceful shower by myself.

After making my way to the showers, I lay my clothes out on a nearby bench along with my towel. Hopping into the shower, I twist the tap and allow the steamy water to flow over my body.

Most people in Japan prefer to bathe at home in the evening, as it helps them unwind after their usually busy days. However, I don’t have that luxury. Besides, I’m not even sure if I’m Japanese to begin with; the school certainly seems to be in a virtual version of Japan, but the game was created in America and was programmed in English. Everyone speaks Japanese, but it’s instantly translated for the player.

_Come on now, try not to have an identity crisis this early in the day. If I can make it all the way through today’s club meeting without pondering my purpose in life, then that’ll be a new record._

Whilst the water gently tickles my back soothingly, I think back to the previous night when I opened up the script. Usually I’d be able to view it in its entirety, but this time I could only see a brief summary of what _should_ be happening today. And with MC having a name this time, I want to at the very least try following the original sequence of events. I’m very curious to see if he has any more depth to him; normally he’s an incredibly dull avatar with an incredibly generic personality and quite poor social skills, but… maybe “Emery” will be different.

_If he’s different… what else could have changed?_

I turn off the shower and step out, wrapping myself up in my towel.

“I’ll expect the worst, but hope for the best,” I say out loud to myself. “Either something new will happen, or the status quo will be maintained.”

 

I’ve forgotten how long it’s been since something surprised me in this world; I’ve grown so used to the same sequence of events happening in the same order again and again and again…  even some of the more… shocking things that ended up happening don’t faze me anymore. I’m just so numb to everything.

But today? I really want to be proven wrong. It’s possible that the few quirks that’ve happened so far are just random blips, but…

I shrug, and start getting dressed. _I suppose all I can really do is wait for the Literature club to meet…_


	3. If cupcakes=true; show Natsuki

Before I know it, it’s time for the first day to begin. According to the base script, I’m supposed to recognize MC from a previous class, but I wonder if the same will be true for “Emery”?

I walk through the empty hallways until I arrive at the clubroom. Today should be relatively short; I’ve done this introduction sequence so many times that I could probably recite it totally from memory.

Sliding the door open, I take my assigned seat at the teacher’s desk. Usually what happens is Natsuki walks through the door, then Yuri, and finally Sayori along with MC. She’ll have a smile drawn on her face and then Natsuki will present a tray of cupcakes to everyone. She never actually makes them since she doesn’t have any ability to act outside of the script, so they’ll materialize on a bookcase in the back of the classroom. At the very least, the sweet flavour gives me a tiny thing to look forward to every time we go through this repetitive song and dance.

I glance at the clock hung above the door. _They should be here in about ten minutes. That should be enough time to-_

_Tok-tok-tok!_

My train of thought is broken by a light tapping sound coming from outside of the door. _What was that?_

I shake my head. I must be imagining things; there’s no way something could be-

_Tok-tok-tok!_

 

_Okay, I definitely heard that._

I tentatively make my way over to the door and grab the handle, giving it a light pull. On the other side of the door is…

_Natsuki? And she’s holding the tray of cupcakes…_

_Just what is going on here?!_

I face her, wearing a welcoming smile. I can’t give off the impression that I wasn’t expecting this to happen; I’m curious how today’s going to play out now.

“Ah, Natsuki!” I beam, “Good to see you!”

She nods in acknowledgement, and places the tray of cupcakes on a desk off to the side of the room.

_I need to start making a note of what’s been different so far. Even the tiniest things could have a huge effect on the events of the story…_

I casually stroll over to her, and point down at the tray. There’s no set dialogue for Natsuki prior to MC’s appearance, but I want to test the waters a little. It shouldn’t matter too much if I ask her about them since she’s already scripted to present them later.

“What do we have here?”

 

Natsuki blinks, then grins. “Oh, right! Get this; Sayori said she was going to bring a new potential member, so I thought I’d make us all cupcakes.”

She folds her arms, as if proud of herself. “Then, when the new girl sees how amazing I am, she’ll want to stick around!”

_Oh wow, there’s a lot to unpack here._

Natsuki knocked on the door before entering, she had her tray of cupcakes with her already, She placed them somewhere other than their designated spawn point, she seems to already know MC is going to show up, and she referred to them as female.

I know it might not seem like much, but this is potentially huge. It implies not only that she made the cupcakes herself, but also that she spoke with Sayori sometime before the game started. _Was there a different introduction sequence that I didn’t notice?_

 _I probably slept through it._ I mean, I can’t remember the last time I slept properly, so I didn’t even register that I should’ve woken up earlier.

“Aww, you want to impress someone?” I giggle, trying to improvise what I’m supposed to say in response. “That’s so adorable, Natsuki!”

“Sh-Shut up!” Natsuki glares up at me, but her character design simply isn’t built for intimidation. “That wasn’t what I meant!”

Based on the original iteration of the script, I’m supposed to be a bit teasing towards Natsuki. At first, I felt a bit self-conscious about it, but once I realized they didn’t actually have the emotions to reciprocate, it became easier.

“I’m sure,” I decide to say, rolling my eyes. _That should do it._

Natsuki opens her mouth to say something, but we’re interrupted by the door opening.

“Oh! Good, I’m not the last to show up…”

Yuri timidly shuffles into the clubroom and sighs in relief before settling down in a desk in the back of the room. Aside from announcing her arrival, nothing else seems to be different about her so far.

I peek at the clock again. _If they’re slightly early, then-_

“Hey everyone!” The new member’s here!”

_Yep, right on cue._

Sayori skips through the door, followed by…

_Wait. I don’t recognize this character._

I’m assuming this is the “Emery” the script referred to earlier. MC is a relatively featureless mannequin of sorts that floats around in an A-pose, but… this character actually has a defined appearance. He has short, scruffy brown hair and a somewhat annoyed expression on his face. _He has an expression. I’m intrigued now…_

“Geez, I told you not to call me that yet…” Emery says, looking at Sayori with deadpan eyes.

“You brought a boy?” Natsuki huffs, folding her arms. “Way to kill the atmosphere.”

Now _this_ is what I was expecting to hear. Looks like the core script is the same, so I should probably play along.

“Ah, Emery!” I turn to face him, “what a pleasant surprise!”

MC- I mean, _Emery_ smiles shyly but doesn’t say anything back. Instead he starts absentmindedly gripping at the cuff of his sleeve and looks around the room, his gaze landing on Natsuki.

“What’re you looking at?” she says bluntly. “If you want to say something, say it.”

“S-Sorry…” he stammers, looking over to Sayori for help. _Do the two of them actually have an expanded relationship this time around?_

Sayori leans over and whispers into his ear, presumably her line about Natsuki being a bit fussy. Once she’s done, she gestures over to Natsuki with a wide smile.

“Anyway! This is Natsuki, always full of energy… and this is Yuri, the smartest one in the club!”

Yuri looks off to the side, her face flushing lightly at the compliment.

“And you already know Monika?”

Emery nods. “Y-Yeah…”

With character introductions out of the way, the scene where Natsuki presents everyone with cupcakes should be coming up soon.

_I’m very curious to see how this plays out…_


	4. Play sequence; joinclub

“Great!” Sayori exclaims. “It seems we’re all ready to go, so why don’t we head on over to the back here? I can bring the cupcakes over!”

This was supposed to happen, but I’m fairly certain I’m the one who’s meant to bring everyone to our makeshift little table to begin the next scene.

“Hey!” Natsuki interrupts on her way over, “I made them, I’ll go get them!”

Sayori presses her fingertips together gingerly. “Ehehe… sorry, I got a little bit too excited~”

 

All of them appear so happy and inviting, whereas I must come off as unattainable or intimidating. For MC at least, it was canonical that he thought of me as ‘out of his league’, and I have so many positive traits that I probably read as a Mary-Sue. It’s clear that I was never intended to be a potential route for the player to follow. In a bitter twist of irony, I think the struggles and flaws in the other girls make them feel a bit more realistic than me to the player.

We take our assigned seats at the collection of desks in the back of the room, and predictably Emery sits next to Sayori. Yuri leaves the room to make tea, and Natsuki retrieves the tray of cupcakes from earlier and places it in the middle of the table.

“Ta-Da!” she shouts, lifting off the cover like a magician with a veil. Sure enough, there are several fluffy cupcakes underneath, decorated to look like little cats. No matter how many times I see them, they still fill me with a small sense of wonder. She must feel really proud of herself for making them on such short notice.

_No, she doesn’t have the capacity to feel proud. And the game made them for her. …right?_

“Oh my gosh!” Sayori gasps, raising her hands to her face, “those are adorable!”

I turn around in my seat to face Natsuki. “I must say, I’m impressed; I had no idea you were so good at baking, Natsuki!”

This, of course, is a lie. I fully know that Natsuki’s character is written to be good at baking. Even in context I’d probably know that about her already. After all, hasn’t she already been a member of the club for a while? What kind of self-centered person was I supposed to be written as if I don’t even know basic details about my club members?

Natsuki simply smirks in response. “Heh, well, you know… just take one already!”

Everyone eagerly takes a cupcake from the tray. I delicately peel off the paper cup and bite down into it, savouring the delectable icing. The bouncy flavours of the vanilla and sugar roll around happily across my tongue, complimented by the delightfully airy cake. _I swear, this is probably one of the few remaining aspects of this world that I’ll never get tired of._

Emery examines the cupcake briefly before biting into it. His eyes light up, as though he genuinely enjoys it.

“Mm! This is really good. Thanks, Natsuki!”

“W-Why are you thanking me?” Natsuki mumbles, looking away. “It’s not like I… made them for you or anything…”

“Eh? I thought you technically did, since Sayori had told me-“

“W-Well, yeah!” she recites, “but not, y-you know, you! Dummy…”

As if to break up bubbling tension, Yuri returns with her tea set. Gracefully, she pours out a cup and hands one to each of us.

I don’t really have much of an opinion on tea, if I’m being honest. I know some people like it a lot, but you sometimes get really snobby people who act as though their leaf water makes them superior to everyone. I’ve always been one for coffee, personally; every day, I’m eternally grateful that it exists in this world. The rich aroma and strong flavour, combined with the powerful kick helps me face the world each morning.

Still, Yuri must be programmed to carefully measure things out, since the tea she makes isn’t too bad. It’s just the right temperature, and almost feels soothing.

“So, Emery!” I say, turning over to him. As much as I’d like to sit and eat cupcakes all day, I know I’m supposed to move the plot along. “What made you think about joining our club?”

“Well…” he shuffles awkwardly in his seat, glancing at Sayori every now and then for approval. “Sayori seemed really happy here, so I thought…”

He trails off unexpectedly. _Is he supposed to be this nervous?_

“That’s okay! There’s no need to be shy.” I smile coyly, resting my chin on my hand. “As our club’s president, it’s my duty to create a warm, welcoming environment!”

“Mhmm!” Sayori nods, “Monika’s a really good leader~!”

 

_If only you were capable of knowing what this position entails, Sayori…_

In actuality, I don’t really know what I’m doing. My only purpose is to follow a predetermined set of actions and guide the player through a set of event flags that lead them towards romancing one of you. Without that plan, I’m kind of lost. There’ve been several past cycles where I’ve really messed things up badly; fortunately, I’m the only one able to remember such times.

Emery tilts his head curiously. “Shouldn’t you have more club members if that’s the case?”

I blink, slightly taken aback by his directness. He seems to notice my shift in expression, and tries to backpedal.

“Sorry, that didn’t sound so bad in my head…”

_What do I do? Am I supposed to come up with an actual answer to that question? If I say the wrong thing, will the story start to unravel again?_

I clear my throat, and wear a confident smile. “Well, the way I see it, it just means we’ll really have to give it our all here! If we can create a wonderful club together, people will surely come by. Right everyone?”

 

Again, this simply isn’t true. No one else will come by, because no one else interested in the club exists. The festival where we’re supposed to gain new members never happens, so we never have the opportunity to introduce new characters or set up a sequel or anything. If I were to say that outright though, the story would probably hit a dead end very quickly.

“Yeah!” Sayori pumps her fist in the air energetically.

Natsuki seems to be spacing out a bit, simply staring into her teacup. _Did going off-script slightly mess up her pacing?_

I give her a gentle kick in the shin underneath the table, which seems to jumpstart her back into action. She gasps out of mild surprise before smiling. “You know it!”

Yuri simply nods, taking another sip from her cup.

_Well, so far so good… let’s see where this goes next…_


	5. Loadscene; new member

Yuri turns to face Emery, resting her teacup down on the desk.

“So, Emery,” she asks, “what kinds of things do you like to read?”

Emery shifts nervously in his seat. It’s still really strange to see actual emotions playing out on his face.

_Or at the very least, the appearance of emotion._

“Well…” he chuckles sheepishly, “manga…”

As usual, Natsuki glances over but quickly looks away. Yuri raises her hands to her chest and sighs.

“N-Not much of a reader I guess…”

“Well, that can change…” Emery says, looking into her eyes.

Seeing him here with an actual appearance is still really weird. If you were to see how he usually acts, you’d probably be scared by it, but I’d grown so used to his blank avatar gliding around everywhere that him simply sitting normally in the chair with actual eyes to look out at the world around him…

_It’s almost like he’s a real person…_

“What about you, Yuri? What are you into?”

Yuri runs her finger around the rim of her teacup. She tilts her head to the side, looking at nothing in particular.

“Recently, I suppose I’ve been reading a lot of horror…” she says.

I expect Emery to cut her off, but instead, she keeps going.

“I’m a big believer in literature’s ability to challenge the psyche, so to have such an immersive tale question your ideals and foundations can be extremely exhilarating…”

No one else seems fazed, but I can’t help shaking my head slightly. _I guess it’s somewhat similar to what she’d normally say…_

“Ah, I read a horror book once…” Emery scratches the back of his head.

“Ugh, I hate horror…” Natsuki mumbles quietly.

“Oh?” Yuri turns over to her, curious. “What makes you say that?”

“Well… it’s just…” Natsuki stutters, looking everyone in the eye. I might just be imagining it, but she stays staring at me just a second longer than everyone else.

“…never mind…”

I can’t keep overanalyzing things; I’m probably just mixing things up. These meetings have become such a blur, it’s not outside of the realm of possibility that I’ve just been drifting through without concentrating.

_…right?_

In any case, that’s my cue to advance the story. I’m supposed to press Natsuki about leaving a poem behind, which introduces the concept to the player and leads into a minigame where they write a poem that appeals to the others.

“That’s right,” I say cheerfully, “you usually like to write about cute things, don’t you?”

Predictably, Natsuki’s face flushes a soft pink. “Wh-What?” She stammers, “What gives you that idea?”

_It’s written in your character description? Your tagline is literally ‘cute on the outside’? you… I mean, just look at you. Isn’t it obvious?_

“You left behind some scrap paper at the last meeting. It looked like the start of a poem called-“

“D-Don’t say it out loud!” she interrupts. “And give that back!”

  
I pull out the poem, and she quickly snatches it up. I simply laugh to try and fill the gap before Sayori’s supposed to speak.

 

“Ehehe…” she giggles, “your cupcakes, your poems… everything you do is just as cute as you are!”

 

She slides behind Natsuki and wraps her arms around her. Natsuki doesn’t look like she’s enjoying it.

 

Part of me wants to scream whenever I see this bit. I’ve never felt the touch of another, and I yearn for it desperately. To see Natsuki shrug it off so quickly feels like someone’s kicking sand in my eyes.

 

“I’m not cute!” she yells, managing to appear even cuter. I’m not sure if this is supposed to be reverse psychology, but it probably has that effect on the player.

“You write your own poems, Natsuki?” Emery asks, folding his arms and crossing his legs. “That’s quite impressive, why don’t you share them sometime?”

 

“N-No!” she shouts, “Y-You wouldn’t… like them…”

 

Natsuki shrinks down into her chair awkwardly. Given her backstory, it makes sense that she’d be uncomfortable sharing. If she had the ability to care about it, I’d perhaps try and bring it up with her a bit more tactfully. Unfortunately, the script has no room for pity.

“I understand how Natsuki feels,” Yuri recites, “sharing that level of writing takes more than just confidence. After all, the truest form of writing is to oneself.”

 

Every time I hear that line, I can’t help but feel a little moved. It has a level of introspection not possible for them; all of my writing is technically for myself, since none of them are able to even read it, let alone comprehend it.

 

“Do you also have writing experience, Yuri?” I say, pointing outward. “If you were to share as well, it might make everyone a bit more comfortable!”

 

Yuri meekly retreats, looking down at her desk. I knew this was how she’d react, but it’s a necessary flag to move the plot forward.

 

“Aww, I wanted to read everyone’s poems…” Sayori says, as though disappointed.

 

After a brief pause, I clear my throat and stand up.

 

“Okay, Everyone! How about we all write a poem tonight, and bring it to the next meeting to share?”

“Plus, now that we have a new member…” I glance over at Emery with a smile, “I think it’d help us get a bit more acquainted with each other, don’t you agree?”

 

“Hold on, there’s a slight issue with that…” Emery says, raising his hand. “I never said I’d join this club!”

 

The other girls look genuinely disappointed. I feign a similar expression, since I already know he’s going to stick around.

As I expected, he’s unable to protest. Sighing, he runs a hand through his messy hair. “Okay… you know what? I’ve made my decision; I’ll join the literature club!”

 

_You ‘made your decision’… heh, if only…_

Sayori beams, jumping over and hugging him from behind. “Yay! I’m so happy~!”

Emery chuckles to himself before subtly wriggling away from her. _He’s supposed to be a little more standoffish, isn’t he…?_

_Monika, stop. We’ve already established that you’re overthinking things. Stop trying to look for things that aren’t there; it’s only going to lead to further disappointment when you’re proven wrong._

“Then it’s official!” I grin. “So, are we all in agreement? Write a poem to share tomorrow!”

 

Everyone nods, then they all shuffle out of the room, leaving me alone.

 

I suppose for the first day of the cycle, things went okay. There were a couple of strange things that happened, but perhaps it’s just because the game’s been open for so long without decompiling. If I was able to actually sleep through the night without being plunged into that grating void, then it’s just been running this whole time.

 

_Either that, or somehow this has become a self-sustaining world, where everyone is able to act on their own._

 

I laugh at my joke, shaking my head.

“Yeah, right…and I’m not totally alone in this universe…”

 

_Oh… I made myself sad…_

With a plaintive sigh, I leave the clubroom. _What’s there to do next?_


	6. Runback; reflection

With the meeting over and everyone following their assigned routes, I make my way to the repurposed classroom that I call home. There’s a couple of notes I want to make regarding things that happened today.

I slowly walk through the hallways, my footsteps echoing emptily around me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t envy my friends in some way. Even if they’re not “real”, they have homes, and don’t have to go through the same horrifying realization that I did.

Life really is cruel sometimes, isn’t it? One moment, everything is going perfectly, and then you find out everything that was _supposed_ to be good is just a predetermined character trait. I might be written as “popular”, but in reality I know no-one else who bears such crushing loneliness. Although it really only became apparent once I’d created the literature club…

 

_Could it be that… being president is what grants this awful epiphany?_

 

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to come to that conclusion. For… well, I was about to say months, but to tell you the truth I honestly couldn’t tell you how long I’ve known about this. But anyway, for a really long time, I’ve tried to figure out why I was the only one cursed with this knowledge.

 

I stop at the door of my “home” and sigh. _I wonder how things might’ve gone if one of my friends had ended up as president instead…_

After looking back down the hallway to double-check that I wasn’t followed, I enter the room and lock the door behind me. Logically, I know that no-one could be around right now since they’re not scheduled to be patrolling the halls, but I suppose it’s just a hard habit to break.

_Now, what can I do to pass the time until tomorrow…_

Wandering over to the lone table in the middle of the room, I move my coffee mug from earlier aside and-

_Hold on. Why’s that still there?_

 

I know what you’re probably thinking; I did leave it on my desk when I left for the club meeting. However, the mug’s an asset tied to other crockery, like Yuri’s teaset. If left untouched for more than a couple of minutes, it’s supposed to despawn, showing back up in the cupboard. _Does that mean…_

Striding towards the cupboard, I throw the doors open and…

The mug didn’t duplicate or respawn; it stayed where I’d left it.

 

Puzzled, I take the mug over to the sink and clean it, returning it to its rightful spot. Just as I’m about to walk away, I turn the mug around in the cupboard so its handle is facing outwards. Tomorrow, if I look in and the mug’s in the same position…

_Does this mean time won’t loop around again like it has before?_

Pacing back and forth around the room, I tap at my temples in thought.

 

“If my little experiment here turns out to confirm my hypothesis, then that’d mean… my actions would have lasting consequences.”

 

Previously, nothing I did seemed to matter; on day one, MC would randomly pick one of my friends to pursue, then the cycle would reset as soon as he opened Sayori’s bedroom door and found-

_Oops. That’s probably spoilers._

Wait. Then that means…

 

I might have to do what I was originally intended; play matchmaker for Emery, and do everything in my power to make Sayori feel okay. It’s probably a huge leap, but hear me out. The flag for resetting the game’s time cycle is set when… _that_ happens. If, by some miracle, I can prevent that from happening, then maybe… just maybe…

 

_…the cycle could be broken._

I exasperatedly run a hand through my hair. It’s dangerous to give myself hope like that; it’d just be even more heartbreaking when it turns out to be false.

 

_But I’ve got to try, right?_

I gaze out of the window. The setting sun paints the sky a brilliant amber, accented by a plush layer of light pink clouds. A gentle breeze flows through the trees down below, rustling their leaves delicately.

_I can’t ignore the things that happened differently today. Natsuki brought her cupcakes with her to the meeting, Yuri was improvising her dialogue, and… Emery…_

Emery’s existence is perhaps the most concrete evidence that things aren’t normal. Whilst he’s clearly based off of MC, he’s much more than a blind, nameless avatar for the player. His movements aren’t robotic and linear, and his face actually changes dynamically, showing emotion as he speaks.

I sit back down at my desk, opening up my laptop. Whilst my poems for the story have already been written long ago, I still like to pen down new compositions every now and then. Perhaps there’s still some irrationally optimistic part of me hoping that I’ll be able to share them with someone else someday; I’m not totally sure. At the very least, it gives me something to do.

I open up my word processor, and begin writing. My keyboard clicks rapidly underneath my fingers, as letters become words, become lines, become stanzas. Once I’m finished, I carefully read over my new poem:

 

**Static**

_When I close my aching eyes,_

_I’m cast into a sea of static,_

_Broken thumbtacks ominously rise,_

_Wading through a foggy panic,_

_Against my eardrums, gears graze,_

_Falling further into fright,_

_Fantasies burn, eyelashes razed,_

_Spiteful sparks relinquish night,_

_Phantom pulses in my chest,_

_Violet veil across my face,_

_I can’t breathe, I need to rest,_

_Forever denied caring embrace,_

_Dreamlike strokes of bloodshot paint_

_Across the glaring, glowing floor,_

_Jagged grips that make me faint,_

_Stop this! I can’t take anymore!_

_Forcing open my aching eyes,_

_I dive into the sea of static,_

_Convulsive cuts as tears fly,_

_It’ll all be over soon._

 

I think I’ve briefly alluded to the fact before, but when the player closes the game, it starts to decompile, waiting until it can be opened again. Since I’m aware of this fact, I experienced it whenever the story wasn’t being propelled. Everything blurs into a sea of flashing colours and otherworldly noise, with random pitches piercing through my ears. I’m simultaneously unable to move, yet unable to stop. I float through the void, a prisoner in my own mind; it takes all of my willpower to even be able to think.

 

However, last night, I didn’t experience that. Was that just a one-time thing? Or will I be able to actually sleep properly…?

_I suppose there’s only one way to find out…_

 

Closing the lid of my laptop, I begin to prepare my things for tomorrow. In a world where I’m robbed of any sense of importance, I like to try and exercise what little control I have in my life. I might not be able to choose my reality, and it’s highly unlikely I will ever be able to experience requited love, but I have the power to choose which flavour of toothpaste I use when I brush my teeth at night. I can choose which pyjamas to wear, and where I lay my futon out for the night. I can choose what happens in this room, even if the rest of the world moves at its own set pace.

_Let’s see what tomorrow brings… will it grant me the ability to write my own ending to this story?_


	7. loadmap; school(night)

I’m still not used to the total silence of the night. The game still seems to be running, so…

I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

I’d never admit it to anyone, but… that place terrifies me. Whenever it happened in the past, there would be no warning, and I’d just be thrown down, falling forever. It takes me a very long time to fall asleep, just because I hate the idea of losing consciousness. Even though I know I’ll wake up, and I know I need sleep, if I weren’t able to ever think again…

 

I shiver, slowly pushing the blanket away and standing up. Wandering over to the window, I undo the latches and open it. In the distance I can faintly hear crickets chirping melodically. The moon lies sleepily in the sky, making the grass down below appear blue. _Maybe a bit of a walk will put my mind at ease…_

Fortunately, there won’t be any other people around this late at night, so I don’t have to worry about changing out of my pyjamas and into my uniform. Being by myself at the very least gives me the opportunity to change my appearance, even if I’m the only one who can appreciate it.

My sleepwear should be appropriate for walking around anyway; I usually sleep in a t-shirt and shorts, as it’s comfortable and easy to manage. I have thought about more intimate nightwear, but without a boyfriend or girlfriend to surprise, I think it’d just compound my loneliness.

Slinging a thin purse over my shoulder, I leave my room and lock the door behind me. Emptily, I drift through the stairwells until I reach the entrance to the school. I’m about to go through the door when something catches my eye.

In my peripheral vision, I notice something colourful poking out of a rubbish bin off to the side. Curiously, I reach in and pick up the object.

Upon closer inspection, the mystery item seems to be the wrapper to some kind of snack cake.

“Who would eat this processed junk?” I ponder out loud, dropping it back into the bin.

I turn back around to leave the school.

 _Hold on. Who_ would _eat something, besides myself?_

Shaking my head, I force myself to leave it behind. _Stop, Monika. You’re out here to get your mind off of things like that. Try not to overthink things._

I’m not sure if the game is capable of having more than one type of weather per season, but I’m at least glad that it’s nice outside. The grass surrounding the school grounds is lush and cool, tickling my feet as I walk through it. The air has a comforting softness to it, tousling my loose hair delicately.

_I wonder what the others would do if they weren’t able to sleep?_

Assuming Sayori could find the motivation, I imagine she would make some warm milk and drink it with a small cookie. She might even bother M- I mean, Emery, and ask if he’d tell her a bedtime story or something. I know Sayori has a lot of plush animals in her room as well, so she’d probably find comfort in them as well.

Yuri’s easy; she’d reach over and turn on the small lamp on her bedside table and pick up one of the at least five books balanced nearby. Perhaps donning a sleek pair of reading glasses, she’d go through a few chapters until she could no longer keep her eyes open.

As for Natsuki… she’s probably the most difficult to imagine. Her home life is really bad; she’s written to live with a neglectful, abusive monster of a father. If she was an actual person who needed sleep, it would be very hard for her to find it. Whilst I know her father doesn’t actually exist since he never appears during the script, and as a result, Natsuki doesn’t actually suffer from that kind of abuse, it’s still real to her. I know that in the long run it wouldn’t matter, but I wish it were possible to remove her father entirely.

Unfortunately, it’s not possible to just go into someone’s mind and pick apart whatever’s making them feel bad. I suppose at the very least, there’s potential during the cycle for her to be happy, if only for a brief moment.

 

Would it be fair to get into people’s heads and alter their memories or personality? We might think it’d help them, but there’s something ethically and morally wrong with that, isn’t there? There’d be no substance without our hardships; without the bad times, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good, and we wouldn’t be able to grow as people.

 

Naturally, this begs the question of how I’d feel if I were the subject of said alterations. _If I had the choice, would I make myself forget my troubling realization? Would I knowingly remove that knowledge, and return to that blissfully unaware state of pretending to be a student?_

I feel a chill running up my spine. No matter how horrible this knowledge is, at least I’m aware of what I am. I’m not just a mindless actor, obeying a predetermined course of events. I have agency and the ability to think.

Have you heard of Renee Descartes? He was a popular philosopher who coined the phrase “ _Cogito ergo sum_ ”. Now, I’m assuming you don’t speak Latin, so I’ll fill you in; it translates to “I think, therefore, I am”. It’s a fundamental concept in philosophy, as we think about our place in the universe. As long as we have consciousness and awareness of our self, we are “real”.

Given that, even though it’s incredibly painful knowing just how alone I am, I couldn’t bear the idea of losing that awareness of myself. In a way, I would cease to exist, and I just can’t handle that. Anything involving memory loss really freaks me out; I’m sure you understand, right?

I take a deep breath, and look up at the sky. Stars sparkle playfully across the navy blue canvas, nestled warmly into bed. Thinking about it makes me yawn, and my eyelids feel a bit heavy.

Dozily, I make my way back through the school and to my room, remembering to lock the door. Yawning again, I stretch out and slide into bed, pulling the covers over me. I rest my head down on my soft pillow, and close my eyes.

I’m glad I did that. Even if I started thinking about some uncomfortable things, simply wandering around outside relaxed me a bit.

_I just hope I can hold onto this feeling…_


	8. initiate; clubday1

After yesterday’s subtle subversions, I find myself actually looking forward to today’s meeting. Even though the changes to the script didn’t really matter much, it was still technically something “new”. Even if it’ll all go away at the end of the week, I want to try and get as much out of this cycle as I can.

Expecting the room to be empty, I slide the door open and stroll through nonchalantly. However, looking up, I notice Yuri and Natsuki are both here as well, neither of them sitting in their assigned desks. I think about saying something, but decide against it, simply giving the two of them a polite nod before walking over to the teacher’s desk. Opening my bag up, I place my notebook on the desk, and flip through to the newest pages where I’ve been logging things that haven’t happened before.

_Is this a simple case of RNG, or something a little bit more involved?_

Before long, the door opens again, revealing Sayori.

“Heeeeeyyyyyyyyy!”

She leaps forward, as though she were in an action movie. Wearing a wide grin, she shoots finger guns in front of her, and holds them up for a few seconds. None of us say anything, prompting her to retreat bashfully.

 

“Ehehe…” she chuckles, scratching the back of her head, “I thought that would look kind of cool…”

 

Turning back to my notebook, I jot down a new entry: _Sayori makes an extravagant entrance to the first literature club meeting._

After a few minutes, Emery finally arrives, meaning it’s time to start the meeting officially. Standing up, I make my way over to him with a smile.

“It’s good to see you didn’t run off on us Emery!”

He lets out a shy laugh. “Heh, well, even if this is a bit strange for me, I do keep my word.”

“Thank you for your promise Emery…” Yuri says from the back of the room, “I hope this isn’t too overwhelming of a commitment for you…”

She looks off to the side, mindlessly twirling a strand of her long purple hair with her finger. “Making you dive headfirst into literature when you’re not really accustomed to it…”

“Oh, come on!” Natsuki calls out from the other side of the room, “Like he deserves any slack!”

She stands up, folding her arms confrontationally. “Sayori told me you didn’t even want to join any clubs this year. And last year, too!”

_You say that, but that conversation never happened. You’re just scripted to think it did._

If they have false memories, how many of my own aren’t real...?

_No, stop. You promised you wouldn’t have an existential crisis this early in the day._

Calling my attention back to the present, Natsuki shifts defiantly towards Emery. “I don’t know if you came here just to hang out, or whatever, but if you don’t take us seriously…”

For dramatic effect, she pauses, raising her fist. “…you won’t see the end of it.”

Natsuki’s character is really quite passionate when you think about it. I know some people might write her off as a cardboard anime trope, but her commitment to the club is something I’d appreciate if anything actually mattered. I wonder how she would act if we were to discuss something a bit more involved, like _Fun Home_ or something. It’s a graphic novel with pretty serious themes, but it has room for Bechdel’s dry humour.

_“Whaddya mean, you don’t get it? This is the way all serious stories should be told! There’s so much expression on each page, and she lays everything out there for you to see. All autobiographies should be like this!”_

Stifling a small laugh, I place my hand over my mouth. _If only it were possible for her to get that fired up… I’d love to be able to have that kind of discussion with her._

Turning over to face her, I give her a quick wink. “Natsuki, you certainly have a big mouth for someone who keeps her manga collection in the clubroom.”

“M-M-M…!”

I wish I didn’t have to be so passive aggressive like that. However, it makes sense from a storytelling point of view; I can’t appear _too_ sympathetic, or else the player might grow attached to me rather than the other characters. After all, I’m just a bit player; they’re the stars of the show.

Natsuki flushes a deep red, her fists shaking by her sides.

“Manga is literature!” She shouts, dashing off with a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

_Anything can be literature, as long as it makes you think deeply about the subject matter. Isn’t that what defines literature?_

I desperately want to reach out and tell her this, but it’d fall on deaf ears. Instead, Sayori swoops in to try and diffuse the building tension.

“Don’t worry, guys! Emery always gives it his best, as long as he’s having fun! He helps me all the time with busywork, like cooking, cleaning my room…”

As Sayori continues to list off all the ways in which Emery is a great person, I can’t help but wonder how she would handle knowing what I know. Would she be able to cope with the fact that her childhood friend isn’t actually real? That all of the things she’s saying he does have never actually happened? One of the only areas of light in her life, suddenly extinguished?

_Would she simply skip to the end…?_

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never had those kinds of thoughts. It’d be so easy, right? If I never woke up, then I wouldn’t be desperately clinging to any small hint that there’s something else for me. However, I don’t think I could ever truly go through with it. I mentioned it earlier, but the idea that I’d lose consciousness is even more painful than knowing I lack purpose. Maybe by cursing me with that knowledge, everyone else is saved from it. Logically, if I didn’t exist, Sayori would become president, right? She’s currently the Vice President, so if the cycle were to reset and I weren’t in the way to take that role…

 

_It’d be cruel to force that onto her. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy._

 

Having lost myself to my thoughts, Emery pipes up, his arms crossed and his head cocked towards Sayori. “That’s because your room is so messy it’s distracting. And the last time you cooked, you almost set your house on fire!”

“Ehehe… is that so…?”

It might sound silly, but I can’t help feeling a tiny bit jealous whenever this interaction plays out. I would love to have that kind of deep connection with someone. _What would it take for me to find that special day…?_


	9. Chapter the Ninth – if SayoriAppeal >10; display cg1

Yuri awkwardly walks over to Sayori and Emery, trying to appear casual but failing spectacularly.

“You two are really quite good friends, aren’t you? I might be a little jealous…”

_Me too, Yuri. Me too…_

“Oh?” Sayori blinks, “But you and Emery can become great friends too!”

If Sayori wasn’t bound to the script, would she still say that? I know it’s supposed to convey to the player that she’s not the only route you can pursue. But I guess if she actually felt that level of self-deprecation, she’d try to set Emery up with everyone else in the club, even at the expense of her own happiness.

“Oh yeah!” she suddenly jumps up, nudging Yuri with her elbow, “Yuri even brought a gift for you, you know!”

“S-Sayori!” she replies, flustered, “It’s nothing important or anything!”

“Oh, come on! I’m sure he’ll love it!”

Emery looks over at Yuri with a warm smile, his eyes wide with expectation. I know I keep saying this, but the fact that I’m able to actually put descriptors to him is so weird…

“I wasn’t really expecting anything anyway, so whatever you have for will be a nice surprise.”

Yuri quickly glances over at the window, then takes a deep breath. Unlatching her bag, she pulls out a book and hands it over to Emery.

“I-It’s a relatively short read, so I thought it’d be helpful to get you adjusted to the club. A-And if you’d like, perhaps we could… discuss it…”

She bashfully looks down at her feet, shuffling nervously. Emery looks over the book, turning it over to get a full picture of it.

“Thanks Yuri, I appreciate it! You know, maybe I _will_ give this a look over!”

Yuri bows politely before scurrying off to the back of the room, burying her face into her own story. Now that I think about it, I have no idea whether or not the books actually have words in them; I’ve never had the opportunity to open them up myself since the only times they exist are when she and the player are reading together.

Once everyone begins to disperse, I wave to Sayori, beckoning her over. We’re supposed to talk about the festival that will never happen, although I guess there’s no way she’d know that. If the player decides to pursue Sayori’s route, then they’ll be able to eavesdrop on us, which prompts Emery to think about how invested Sayori can be in the club, a stark contrast to how he usually thinks she acts.

“Hey Monika~!” she beams, skipping over to me. “What’s up?”

I place a hand on my hip, assuming a gentle but firm stance. “So, I figured I’d talk to you about this first since you’re the club’s VP…”

“Ooh!” she interrupts me, “Secrets! Conspiracy! I’m in, what is it?”

_She’s supposed to let me finish… But I guess it’s still something she’d say in character…_

“Heh, it’s nothing like that,” I say, trying to wave the skepticism away with my hand. “I was just thinking that with the festival coming up next week, we should try and put on some kind of display for our club! What do you think?”

Naturally, Sayori will agree that this is a good idea. I don’t have the heart to tell her we’re preparing for an event that she’s never going to see; it’s been so long, even I’ve forgotten what we’re supposed to expect will happen on Monday.

Sayori tilts her head to the side, apparently deep in thought. “I think that’d be fun, but we’re probably going to seem kinda dull compared to some of the other clubs…”

_Dull? Like what my life has become?_

_…Breathe, Monika. That nihilistic outlook isn’t helpful._

I nod, pretending to seriously consider her words. “Well, I think we should at least try. After all, the festival’s our best shot at showing everyone what literature’s all about, right?”

It’s really hard to maintain this appearance of optimism when you already know how things are going to turn out. It’s kind of like reading through to the end of a murder mystery novel, and then hoping that the victim will be okay after the events of the story.

“I get that, but…” Sayori sighs, looking out of the window. “The problem is that the idea of a literature club sounds too dense and intellectual, y’know?”

_Hang on a moment… that’s my line!_

No, seriously. I’m supposed to say that to _her_. It’s in the script and everything. But to be fair, I haven’t been able to read through it this cycle, so I’m just going off of memory. It’s plausible that she’d say it, I guess…

I shake my head, realizing that Sayori’s still waiting for a response. “Sorry, I just thought… Never mind. I was thinking the same thing, but it’s not like that at all! We just need to find a creative way to show that to everyone…”

I _think_ I handled that well. It’s fortunate that I’ve had so long to hone my improv skills.

“I suppose so…” Sayori says, resting her hand on her chin. “But I think the bigger issue is getting people to show up in the first place. We need to get people to come to us, and _then_ we can think about _keeping_ them here.”

_Is she… Is she actually showing critical thinking?_

_No, that’s impossible… she’s not capable of thinking, she’s not real… right?_

I can’t bring this up right now; this _will_ be something I need to think about later though.

“That’s… actually a good point.” I smile, pointing outwards. “This is why you’re VP, Sayori!”

“Ehehe~…” she chuckles, rubbing the back of her head.

Things don’t seem to be straying too far from what’s normally supposed to happen. For now, I should try and stick to the script and get through the day; once Emery goes home to jot down a random list of words, then I can dedicate some time to figuring things out.

“Do you think food would work? People always like free food.”

“Cupcakes!” Sayori immediately shouts, barely after I finish my sentence.

“Heh, good thinking…that’ll give us a tactical advantage over the other displays. Everyone loves cupcakes! And it’d give Natsuki something to do!”

“Wait… you didn’t have Natsuki in mind when you suggested that?”

Sayori opens her mouth to say something, but instead settles on a nervous laugh.

“Well, I guess that’s one issue sorted, but we still need to think about how the actual event will go down…” I think out loud.

“We’ve still got time; I’m sure you’ll come up with something!” she grins, placing her hand on my shoulder. I flinch slightly from the unexpected physical contact, but try to play it off as something totally benign. I can’t remember the last time I felt the touch of someone else, even something as casual as this… and it’s coming from her…

“Thanks, Sayori. I’ll be sure to come up with something that’ll make you all proud!”

She simply nods to confirm she heard what I’d said, then turns around and notices Emery asleep on the book Yuri gave him. She drifts over and wakes him up, scolding him for skimping out on sleep by watching anime all night.

Emery timidly glances over his shoulder at me. I always thought it was odd that his character was written to be interested in me despite the game not giving me a route to pursue. Just another cruel twist of fate, perhaps?

Regardless, it looks like he’s going after Sayori this time. He gets up from his chair and starts buttoning up her blazer, fumbling with the buttons. The two of them talk quietly amongst themselves, presumably about how much they look out for each other.

A dull pang of envy aches in my chest as I watch the scene unfold. They don’t even know what they have; the way they act so closely so effortlessly… why can’t that be me?

As the two finish up their interaction, I take my cue to move us onto the next scene.

“Okay, Everyone!” I call out from the back of the room, “Time to share poems!”

 

Surely there won’t be anything out of the ordinary with their poems, right? Emery _should_ be the only one who shares with me…

_But after earlier… I probably shouldn’t rule anything out, right?_


	10. Run;PoemShare1

I keep my eye trained on Emery as he looks around the room. Since he went through that interaction with Sayori earlier, I’m expecting him to share with her first. Sure enough, he wanders over, poem in hand.

Predictably, Sayori loves it. She holds it close to her chest with a big grin, whilst he simply watches on with a raised eyebrow.

Although there’s no way Sayori could have made any memories with him, I still wonder what it’d be like to have that kind of connection with someone. Is that part of the reason why I’ve been trying so hard to get into contact with someone on the other side of the screen?

“So, to thank you for doing something that might’ve been uncomfortable,” Sayori says proudly to Emery, “I’m going to do my best to make every day here fun for you!”

“I’ll hold you to that,” he says with a chuckle.

“Okay! So, first order of fun business! Would you like to read my poem?”

_She seems really into it…_

“Don’t be scared; I’m really bad at this…” she attempts to laugh, but her lack of confidence is evident in her voice. Which is odd, because she usually says this with the same smile plastered on her face. _What’s going on behind all of those ones and zeros...?_

“It sounds like you…” Emery ponders, looking away from the page, “Especially that last line about breakfast…”

“I had toast with honey on it!” Sayori responds gleefully, swaying side to side.

_Honey? Isn’t she supposed to have made eggs?_

“You had time to do that…?”

Sayori pouts, placing her hands on her hips. “It’s bad to skip breakfast! I get all grumpy if I’m hungry…”

“Whatever you say, noodle-head…” he smiles, handing the poem back to Sayori. “But thanks for showing me.”

_“Noodle-head”? Is that… a nickname?_

People usually only give nicknames under two scenarios; the first is someone trying to be overly pally to an annoying degree, whereas the other is between close friends who’ve known each other long enough that those silly teases become terms of endearment.

_But that would imply they actually grew up together…_

_Just what is going on?_

Letting my curiosity get the better of me, I stride over to Sayori, leaning over her desk.

“Hey there, Sayori! Are you having fun?”

She jumps slightly, as though she were startled by me coming over. “O-Oh! Monika! Yeah, this is so cool! It’s like everyone’s sharing a part of themselves!”

I suppose it’d make sense for her to be surprised; usually only MC would share poems with me, but something about the way she spoke with Emery compels me to push the envelope further. I want to see just how far she’s able to go.

“That’s a good way of thinking about it,” I say, tilting my head to the side. “On that note, would you like to exchange poems?”

“Sure! Although I already know yours is going to be awesome!”

She holds her poem out for me. I gently take it, handing over mine.

“Heh, well give it a read…”

I can’t tell if she’s actually looking forward to reading my piece, or if her programming is just bleeding over from fawning over Emery. If it’s the latter, I guess I don’t really need to worry about what I’ll say back to her, but I should probably think of something just in case…

“Monika…” she says softly, looking up at me, “you already knew this, but this Is, like, wow! It makes me question my very reality!”

_What._

No, I’m reading too much into that. That choice of words is just a coincidence…

“I think you’re going a bit over the top there…” I laugh dismissively, waving a hand at her.

“No, I mean it!” she shakes the poem slightly, reading through it again. “I know it’s a bit abstract, but it’s almost as though you’re wrestling with the very idea of what it means to exist!”

_W-Wait a moment…_

“Especially at the end there; your subject thinks that they know their world, but it gets totally flipped around on them!”

I’m totally speechless. For a few seconds I just stand there in stunned silence, my mouth slightly open. _There’s no way she could’ve interpreted the true meaning behind this poem… right?_

“I… that’s a surprisingly deep interpretation, Sayori,” I finally manage to say.

“Heh, but that’s just how I saw it, y’know?”

I smile politely at her. “No, I understand what you’re saying… I like your interpretation.”

_That should quell any further inquisitiveness… I can just keep pretending it’s a purely abstract piece._

Am I going crazy? I’m referring to an automaton as “inquisitive”.

_I suppose the next logical step would be to give her feedback on her poem…_

 

I pause for a moment, carefully choosing my words. If I can confirm whether or not she actually wrote the poem herself this time around instead of simply being supplied it, then…

 

“Now, if I had to take a guess with your poem…” I tap at the page in my hand, “are you trying to describe something that brings you joy? Or, dare I say, someone?”

 

I know that Emery is the subject of this poem. She’s supposed to have written this poem to subtly talk about her feelings for him.

_And by “subtly”, I mean if you were to spell it like this: **S U B T L Y.**_

“Wh-What?” she stammers, shyly rubbing the back of her head. “No, I couldn’t write anything meaningful like that!”

“It’s just a thought I had whilst reading it, that’s all,” I lean in closer, placing the poem down. “I think you should give yourself more credit though, Sayori.”

“Eh?” she cocks her head at me. “What do you mean?”

 _I guess I’ve gone this far… I can’t exactly back down now._ If Sayori is capable of processing independent thought, then… perhaps the future can be changed. Since the factor that resets the game’s story is MC finding Sayori in her room, maybe I can influence her away from that…?

It’s such an integral part of the story though… Can I really alter destiny like that?

After a moment, I decide on what I want to say. “I couldn’t help but overhear how you put yourself down whilst discussing your poem with Emery. You’re a better writer than you think, you know? And I don’t think anyone would just say that without any meaning.”

She nods to herself, looking off to the side.

“Anyway, it’s just something to think about. Thanks for sharing!” I say with a smile before turning away.

That’s the furthest I’ve managed to get with a non-scripted interaction without everything getting messed up. It almost felt like I was having a natural conversation with a real person.

Is Sayori real though?

 

…previously I would have been able to deny that immediately, but now? I’m not so sure…

_I guess it would make sense to try and interact with the other characters like this…_


	11. Checksum; MCname[Emery]Poem

I’m still surprised that Sayori was able to say so much without having a script to follow. Now, however, I’m curious about the others. _Maybe I should approach Natsuki first…_

Before I’m able to put my plan into motion, Emery drifts over to me. _Right, he’s got to share with everyone sometime…_

“Hello there, Emery!” I say with a smile. “Enjoying your time in the club?”

“Yeah even if this is a bit new to me…” he grins shyly, subconsciously gripping at the cuff of his sleeve. _Stop. He doesn’t have a consciousness, so subconscious thoughts are impossible for him._

“I’m sure you’ll come to enjoy your time here. I understand the first day must feel a little awkward.”

He chuckles, turning to face me. “Uh, would you like to read my poem?”

“Of course!” I take the paper enthusiastically, and skim over it.

**My first poem**

_Adventure  
Bliss_

_Childhood_  
Friends  
Family  
Excitement  
Lucky  
Laugh  
Peaceful

_Together_

 

Judging by his choice of words, he’s trying to appeal to Sayori this time around. Sayori’s route is probably my favourite out of everyone, since it doesn’t make everyone hate each other. If he goes after Yuri or Natsuki, they end up getting jealous of the other, and Sayori becomes more and more upset. Although the ending is always more tragic since he’ll end up confessing to her rather than telling her she’ll always be his dearest friend.

“I like this one, Emery! It makes me think of something Sayori would like.”

“Really?” Emery shrugs, “Sayori _did_ say she liked it…”

“I think the two of you really care about each other’s well-being… is that fair to say? Your poem here has a lot of strong imagery that calls those ideas to mind.”

“I think you might be reading too far into it,” Emery says, scratching the back of his head. “I know it’s kinda simple, but I heard somewhere a minimalist approach can be cool; it makes each word stand out a lot, and your mind starts filling in the blanks.”

“I could- Wait, what was that?”

“You know, even though my poem might look like a simple list of words, it tells a story. Or at least, I tried to tell a story. Maybe it _is_ just a list of words…”

“B-But… You… you’re…”

 _This is freaking me out!_ He’s supposed to be a blank slate for the player to project themselves upon. He shouldn’t have opinions about his writing, and he _certainly_ shouldn’t be able to call upon inspiration for it. He’s just a vessel to interact with us.

“S-Sorry,” I shake my head, trying to show him a smile. “I, uh, you should explore that kind of writing further! I know Sayori would like that sort of thing!”

“Maybe I will…”

I feel like there’s something I’m forgetting. He clears his throat, as though he were waiting on me.

“Oh, right!” I exclaim, producing my poem. “Would you like to read through my piece?”

“I’d love to, Monika!”

I was so shocked with what he said that I almost didn’t share my poem with him. He’s the only person I’m supposed to share with according to the script. Even though I shared with Sayori earlier, it’s the interaction with him that matters the most to the story.

He reads over it carefully, his hazel eyes flicking back and forth across the page.

“So, what do you think?”

“It’s… very freeform, isn’t it?” he says, placing a hand on his chin.

_That sounds a bit more familiar._

“Yeah… it can be pretty powerful when performed out loud, you know?”

“What was the inspiration behind it, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Ah.

I wrote this poem a long time ago, but I’ll never forget the place I was in when I did.

“I guess you could say that I had some kind of epiphany recently… it’s been influencing my poems a bit.”

“I see… like some kind of realization?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” I glance off to the side. _That’s as specific as I’m going to get_.

“It makes me a bit nervous to talk about things like that… perhaps once everyone’s better acquainted.”

“Maybe…”

“Anyway…” I point outward, wearing a confident smile. “If you’re interested, I’ve got some advice that might help you with your next piece!”

To my surprise, Emery nods. “Sure, I could use the help!”

“Loving the enthusiasm, Emery!” I place a hand on my hip, trying to act naturally. “If you get too focused on a single point, you might have trouble completing your poem. Try to get _something_ down, then you can tidy it up later!”

“Wow… I think I’ll try that tonight… thanks, Monika!”

I tilt my head to the side, closing my eyes. “Thanks for listening, Emery~”

Apparently satisfied, he gives me a bashful wave, then wanders away.

_So, uh…_

_Can we talk about what just happened?_ Not only did Sayori show interest in my writing, but Emery seemingly had the capacity to explain his writing process. Heck, having a writing process alone is noteworthy. Whatever’s at play here, it’s given me a lot to think about. Is Emery still the puppet of the game’s player? Is there even a player involved with the story? Perhaps Emery _is_ the player…

_This is making my head hurt…_

 

On the other side of the room, Natsuki and Yuri have just started exchanging poems. _I wonder if this interaction will be any different…_


	12. Chapter 12

Natsuki and Yuri exchange their papers with each other. The two are supposed to argue about their writing styles in order to provide MC a conflict to resolve, gaining appeal towards whoever he sides with. 

Natsuki furrows her brow at Yuri’s evidently complicated poem, whereas Yuri slowly looks over Natsuki’s comparatively simpler piece.

“Your poem is nice…” Yuri says softly, handing the paper back, “It was… cute…”

“Did you completely miss the point?” Natsuki shouts, stamping her foot on the ground. “It’s clearly about giving up. How is that cute?”

“I-I know! I just… wanted to compliment you… s-sorry…”

“You mean you have to try _that_ hard to come up with something nice to say?” Natsuki turns away, folding her arms. “Thanks, but it really didn’t come out nice at all!”

This is really a pointless thing to argue about; everyone has a different style, and that’s a beautiful thing. Who cares what everyone writes? It’s not like it matters. Neither of you will remember this when the week resets, so why can’t you just maintain some illusion of cordiality?

Yuri looks down at the floor with a stern expression. “Well, I do have a couple of suggestions…”

I’ve seen this scene play out countless times, yet I’ve never actually gotten to hear what Yuri wanted to suggest. I guess I’ll never know if she was being provocative or if she actually was going to offer genuine advice.

Predictably, Natsuki doesn’t like that. Raising an eyebrow, she tries her best to look intimidatingly up at Yuri, but has immense difficulty due to how much the latter towers over her. “If I wanted suggestions, I would’ve asked someone who actually liked it. Which people _did_ , by the way!”

Her gaze flicks around the room to everyone else, then back to Yuri. She knows that Emery’s the only other person who’s seen her poem, and as such will lie and say Sayori read it as well to avoid suspicion.

“E-Emery liked it!” she recites, “And, uh, Sayori did too! So based on that,” she places her hands on her hips, “I’ll gladly give you some pointers of my own! First-“

Yuri interrupts her with a raised hand. I imagine if she’d been given the chance to speak, Natsuki’s words would be a lot more inflammatory, attacking Yuri’s poem and pointing out the flaws she perceives to exist instead of offering anything constructive.

“Excuse me,” Yuri says calmly, “but I’ve spent a long time establishing my style. I appreciate your willingness to help, but I don’t expect it to change unless I come across something _particularly_ inspiring…”

After a slight pause, Yuri gives Natsuki a sideways glance. “…which I haven’t yet.”

If this was a natural event playing out in front of us, I’d be impressed with the level of depth in that jab. She’s not outright stating it, but the statement heavily implies that she didn’t think Natsuki’s poem could be inspiring.

“Oh, and for the record,” she continues, “Emery told me he liked my poem as well. He even went so far as to say that he was impressed by it.”

It’s a shame that Yuri is painfully shy but also bound to a predetermined set of emotions; if she had free will and learnt to be comfortable speaking in public, she’d be a prime candidate for the debate team that I was supposedly a part of.

Natsuki smirks, looking back at Yuri through her peripheral vision. “I didn’t realize you were so invested in trying to gain our new member’s approval!”

“Th-That’s not…!” Yuri stutters, but soon regains her composure. “I think you’re jealous that he appreciates my advice more than yours!

“What makes you so sure of that? Are you that full of yourself?”

Yuri holds her hand close to her chest, as though clinging onto her conviction. “Of course not! If I _were_ , I’d go out of my way to make everything I do overly cutesy, like one of your manga characters!”

_And here comes the ad hominem._

Sayori timidly wanders over in a vain attempt at breaking the fight up. “Is everyone okay over here…?”

Naturally, neither of them seem to hear her.

“Well,” Natsuki scoffs, “I wasn’t the one whose boobs magically grew as soon as Emery started showing up!”

Yuri’s face flushes red, as she wrings her arm behind her back. Whenever I hear her say this, I always want to interrupt by saying “and how would you know that? Have you been cataloguing her cup size over time?”

But I’m supposed to be the responsible president of the club. I clear my throat and turn to face Natsuki.

“Come on now Natsuki, that’s a bit-“

“This doesn’t concern you!” she interjects angrily.

“I don’t like fighting, you guys!” Sayori wails, clearly upset by her friends arguing. If she had feelings, they’d probably be hurt right now.

Yuri hesitates before turning towards Emery. “Sh-She’s just trying to make me look bad!”

“That’s not true!” Natsuki exclaims, “If she could just get over herself and learn to appreciate that simple writing is more effective, then this wouldn’t be happening right now!”

Again, this is a pointless argument. You’re both right in your own ways, why can’t you see that?

…well, I know the answer to that already. But you know what I mean.

“Hold it!” Yuri shouts, holding her hand out in front of her. “There’s a reason we have such a vast array of words in our language! How else can we truly convey our deepest feelings? Avoiding them is just needlessly handicapping yourself!”

She wheels around, looking Emery straight in the eyes. “Surely you can relate, Emery?”

Emery has what looks like genuine discomfort on his face. His character isn’t written to have much in the way of friends, so tense social situations like this would probably be incredibly awkward for him. The only reason they care about his opinion so much is that he’s the game’s main character; it would be boring if the player weren’t given the opportunity to influence the outcome of the argument.

If this were a world that actually made sense, I’d probably be the one they’d be asking to diffuse the tension. As the club’s president, I’d have the authority and reputation to quiet things down once and for all. If I had my way, they’d both be right. Emery, however, doesn’t look so certain of what he’d say.

One by one, his eyes shift over to all of us. Letting out a deep sigh, he runs a hand through his hair.

_Who’s he going to choose to side with?_


	13. Handle Exception; CallSayori

“Sayori!”

Emery calls out, gesturing vaguely in her direction. “Y-Yeah, that’s it! You guys are making Sayori uncomfortable! Why are you fighting when you know how it makes her feel?”

Well, _that_ removes any doubts I might’ve had regarding the route he’s choosing this time. Inserting Sayori into the argument to divide it makes her feel included and reinforces the idea that the two of them are close friends.

I can’t help but wonder though how things would turn out if he could pick _me_ … I’m supposed to be the club president, but I barely have any authority; even if I were to forcefully tell them to cut it out, they’d just keep going until Emery sided with one of them. They’d probably say something along the lines of me abusing my power as the leader to intimidate him into picking me, but that wouldn’t really be fair.

Natsuki crosses her arms, turning her head away sharply. “Well, that’s her problem! This isn’t about her!”

“It’s unfair for others to insert their own feelings into the conflicts of others.”

Would I have been met with the same reaction? Since I guess technically I’d be inserting _my_ feelings about this…

Of course, it’s kind of a moot point, since I’m the only one who even _has_ feelings to begin with.

Natsuki jabs her thumb over at Yuri. “Unless she wants to tell Yuri what a jerk she’s being.”

“Excuse me?” Yuri gasps, irritated. “It’s your immaturity that’s upsetting her in the first place!”

“Are you kidding me? Are you listening to yourself right now? This is exactly why nobody likes-“

“Guys!”

Sayori shouts suddenly, interrupting Natsuki. Everyone looks over towards her.

You can probably guess how Natsuki was intending to finish that sentence. Would she have regretted it? Would Yuri act any differently during the subsequent days?

“You guys are my friends!” Sayori pleads, “I just want everyone to be happy and get along with each other…”

Yuri sheepishly looks off to the side, whilst Natsuki looks down awkwardly at her feet. Emery is wearing a warm smile, watching as Sayori takes the reigns of the situation.

“I love you guys _because_ of your differences! Natsuki, your poems are amazing because they say so much whilst saying so little! And Yuri, your poems create these beautiful images in your head!”

I will say this; she’s actually got a point. The poems that they’re scripted to write do have a deeper meaning to them, and their respective writing styles help to bring that out. I’m sure to someone who’s never seen them before, or at the very least hasn’t seen them as much as I have, they’d be quite thought provoking.

“All of you guys are so talented…” Sayori sighs, looking away plaintively, “so why are we fighting?”

_So that Emery has an opportunity to rack up appeal points with one of you, furthering the illusion of happiness._

“Also!” She continues, “Natsuki’s cute, and there’s nothing wrong with that!”

Natsuki raises her hand and opens her mouth, but quickly lowers it. It’s obvious that she was about to protest that statement, but I think deep down even she has to know that there’s truth to it. She was literally designed to be cute; it’s impossible for her to not be.

“And Yuri’s boobs are the same as they always were! Big and beautiful!”

Pulling her fist close to her chest, Sayori stands proudly. She’s so innocent; I suppose I can understand why some people might like the idea of her character.

“I-I’m going to make some tea…” Yuri stammers, pacing quickly out of the classroom. Natsuki awkwardly rubs at her shoulder before heading over to her desk, but curiously, Sayori follows her. The two start talking with each other about something to quiet for me to hear; probably just gushing over Emery. Technically the scene ends once Yuri leaves, so it’d make sense that something would have to fill in the time gap until the meeting ends.

After a few minutes, Sayori waves to Natsuki, and skips away whilst humming to herself. _I guess that’s my cue…_

“Okay, Everyone!” I call out, “It’s about time for us to leave. Did you all enjoy sharing your poems?”  


“It was so fun!” Sayori giggles. _Do you know what fun is? It’s certainly not this. Doing the same thing over and over and over…_

“I-I suppose it was a unique experience…” Yuri mumbles shyly. _Hah! Hardly._

“It was alright. Well, mostly…” Natsuki says, rubbing at her shoulder. _Probably the most accurate summary._

“It was kind of neat to hear everyone’s perspective,” Emery says bluntly. _Mandatory exposition episode; check._

“Awesome!” I beam, “Then let’s do the same thing for tomorrow! Write a new poem to share with everyone at our next meeting!”

With official business done for the day, everyone starts to head home. Sayori and Emery leave together, then Natsuki, and then…

I stop in the middle of the doorway, looking behind me. Yuri isn’t leaving; instead, she’s plugging in her kettle near the back of the classroom.

“Oh? We’re finished for the day Yuri,” I say curiously.

“O-Oh, I’m aware…  I was just hoping to have some tea before I left…”

_You’re aware… huh?_

Yuri’s only supposed to make tea twice; once during the first day, then again if the player pursues her route, triggering an event where the two read together. The fact that not only is the staying behind, but appears to _know_ that she’s staying behind is… well, I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty jarring.

I almost want to stay behind with her to try and figure out just how much she might know, but I think I’d accidentally slip out of character. The topic is too close to me… I don’t think she’d be able to handle it.

Instead, I decide to flash her a grin, tilting my head to the side. “Okay, just make sure you clean up after yourself, okay?”

She nods, turning her attention back to the kettle. With that, I finally take my leave.

I know it might not sound significant to anyone else, but… are things happening on their own, outside of the script?

_This is a lot to process…_


	14. Chapter 14

_Today’s been pretty weird…_

I sigh, lazily walking away from the school. The events of the game are over for now, so I’m free to wander around a bit to clear my thoughts. Even though my surroundings aren’t real, they almost appear to be, which is at the very least _somewhat_ comforting.

It does make me wonder what things are like on the other side of the screen…  _will I ever have the opportunity to make it over there?_

With my hands clasped behind my back, I meander throughout town until I arrive at a beach. I came here often shortly after I became aware of what I was, because the sea is always somewhat soothing. The sand squishes unceremoniously underneath my shoes as I take careful steps towards the ocean.

Safely on the shoreline, I’m free to listen to the gentle rolling of waves on top of each other, the salty tang circling in the air.

_Did any of what happened today matter?_

Sayori wanting to read my poem, Emery speaking about his piece as if he actually put thought into writing it, and Yuri choosing to stay behind after the meeting had ended… are these signs of change, or mere fragments of false hope?

The universe really can be cruel; it’s been so long since something _different_ has happened in here, and I can’t find it in me to appreciate that. Instead I’m… well, I’m not sure what the right word is. Scared? Nervous? Excited?

Part of me is thrilled that something’s breaking up the monotony of the weekly cycle, but another bit if me is afraid of change. It’s a pretty common fear though; humans are naturally wired to fear the unknown, as part of our survival instinct.

But am I human? I _look_ human, but I exist in a video game. Does that still count? What form would I take if I were able to escape? Would I still exist virtually, or would I have a body I could inhabit? Would it be similar to my own right now?

…do normal people think about these things?

_That might not be a question that can be answered, but I guess all I can do is just-_

“…Monika?” I hear a voice calling out my name.

I snap out of my thoughts, jerking upright. Turning over in the direction of the voice, I notice...

“Sayori? I didn’t expect you to be out here tonight…”

Seriously, she’s not supposed to be anywhere except her house until tomorrow’s club meeting. Yet here she is, standing in front of me. She’s holding a long string in her hand, connected to an adorable kite floating carelessly up in the sky. _Where did she get that…? And why’s she here…?_

“Yeah, but, y’know,” she grins, “I kinda just wanted to fly a kite today!”

“Is that right…?” I ponder, tilting my head to the side.

Sayori raises an eyebrow at me. “Is everything okay, Monika? You seem a bit distant… do you need a friend?”

_I do. I really wish I had actual friends._

I laugh wryly to myself, then turn to look at Sayori with pitiful eyes. “Oh, no, it’s nothing like that... but thank you. I just came down here to think about things…”

“Umm…” Sayori looks back and forth between the string looped around her hand and me. After a short pause, she holds it out towards me. “Would you like to have a go? It might cheer you up a bit.”

_Is she… trying to trigger a new event on her own? Maybe I should push the boundaries again…_

“You know… I think I might actually…”

I tentatively reach out and take the string from Sayori, unravelling it slightly. The proud kite flies even higher, the string tugging from the wind. The two of us stare up at the kite, watching it loop and turn in the sky. For a few moments, we don’t say anything, and simply watch the kite.

I giggle to myself softly. _This is actually quite fun! And oddly relaxing as well…_

After I’ve finished having my bit of fun, I hand the string back to Sayori. “I must admit, that did make me feel a bit better.”

“Yay! I’m glad you liked it!” she exclaims, pumping her fist in the air. “You should get a kite too, and then we can fly them together or something!”

“Maybe I will…” I smirk, gazing wistfully out towards the ocean.

_Whenever I feel like I’m getting answers, even more questions rise up._

“Anyway, I think I’ve been here long enough,” I state politely. “I really should think about getting back. I’ll see you tomorrow at the club meeting, right?”

“For sure!” Sayori nods enthusiastically, and waves at me. “Bye Monika~!”

I smile back at her, then turn around to leave. She lingers for a bit longer, still lightly holding onto the kite, watching it drift around in the evening breeze. The sky is gilded by a proud amber sunset, making the few clouds appear soft and peach-like.

As I head back to my room in the school building, I feel my heart beating in my ears, the tempo matched perfectly with my footsteps. _Is this enough to say that Sayori is…_

_No… No, if she were real, that would make me a terrible person for the things I’ve said and convinced her to do in past cycles… and I’m not a terrible person… am I?_

_I just don’t know anymore._

I run a hand through my thick hair, gently twirling the strands of my ribbon between my fingers in thought.

Evidently, she has no recollection of the cruel ways I acted towards her; the gaslighting, the second guessing, the harsh validations… But she also seems to be doing things just because she _wants_ to, rather than because she’s programmed to.

I guess the most damning evidence would be if Natsuki and Yuri acted the same way. Tomorrow, I’ll need to pay incredibly close attention to their actions. Perhaps by some miracle, things are running on their own this time, making this world… just a bit more real. Is there a new hope for me, after all of this time? Could I find someone to help me cope with this existential dread? Or am I getting ahead of myself? Will things just revert back to the status quo next week?

_Am I afraid of it being false? Or… of it being true?_


	15. RealTime;Write[Poem2]

As I arrive back home, I slide the door open and lock it carefully behind me. With a slow, deep sigh, I shrug off my blazer, allowing it to flop to the floor. However, remembering how the coffee cup from earlier didn’t tidy itself away, I bend down to retrieve the uniform and neatly fold it before placing it in my cupboard.

With a gentle tug, I unknot the pure ribbon in my hair, letting it gracefully fall down around my shoulders. I involuntarily smile as the pressure is eased from my head.

Don’t get me wrong; I do like tying my hair up in a long ponytail, as it does seem to suit me. However, when you’re wearing your hair like that for such long periods of uninterrupted time, it starts to feel tight, and it can cause the onset of a headache. My copious caffeine consumption probably doesn’t help that either.

I sit down at the table in the centre of the room, and for a few moments I just lazily play with my hair. _Today I… I had fun…_

After reliving the same days over and over again, it’s easy for everything to kind of blur together; colours start to fade, every step feels incredibly heavy, each breath feels jagged and stale. But today with Sayori, I felt a little bit of that colour return. Somehow, she had wandered away from the script, going as far as to initiate an event on her own, and she chose to use that uncertain freedom to try and cheer me up.

_She chose…_

But what if she forgets everything next week? The script is supposed to reset every Monday, when MC finds…

Oh dear, how can I put this tactfully? Sayori… Well, every week she is scripted to… do something really bad. She suffers from depression, and apparently the prospect of losing her childhood friend to someone else is too much for her to bear. On the supposed day of the festival, MC goes to her house to look for her, but finds her dead in her bedroom, having hung herself.

And that’s when the world starts to decompile; the sheer trauma the player’s vessel experiences causes the universe to revert to a safe state to prevent a total collapse. I am the only one who remembers anything between cycles. I wake up in the middle of the floor in my room, and everything starts again.

_But if the event that triggers a reset is Sayori doing that, then… hypothetically, preventing her from going through with it would avoid it, right?_

Emery seems a fair bit kinder than the blank slate he’s based off of, and if Sayori’s truly capable of thinking for herself, then she should be able to be reasoned with. Therefore…

_I must do whatever I can to stop Sayori from killing herself._

I can’t directly interfere with her thoughts; if she actually is real and conscious, then that would completely throw her mind into disarray, and she’d go mad from the revelation. I should try my best not to stray too far from what’s supposed to happen in the storyline either; until I’m absolutely sure of the state of things, I don’t want to accidentally cause a chain reaction of butterfly effects.

That limits me to passive support. At every possible opportunity, I need to make sure she feels like she has friends who care about her, and that we’re here for her if she needs us.

_“we”… that reminds me…_

I’m still not entirely sure where Yuri or Natsuki stand, or even Emery for that matter. Whilst Yuri stayed behind after the meeting, it’s a plausible thing for her to do given her character. And it’s true that Natsuki brought in the cupcakes yesterday, but, again, it’s logical for her to do that, even if the cupcakes are usually a prop stored within the clubroom until they’re necessary. It’s still entirely possible that both Natsuki and Yuri’s actions are simply more fleshed out for some reason.

The fact that Emery exists at all instead of just being “MC” is very important too. He’s not supposed to know that his poem is just a list of words, and he’s certainly not supposed to claim that he wrote it that way on purpose.

I rub my eyes and stretch my arms out wide. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem like there’s much that I can do to prepare for the future, but I need to try and deduce whether or not the others are actually real. It’s obviously way too early to tell for sure, and I might just be giving in to false hope, but this could be huge.

I reach over and grab the notebook resting on top of the table, and flip through the pages until I find a blank section. I want to write a poem about my experience today with Sayori; even if she’s going to forget what happened, I want there to be at least _some_ record of it.

With careful pen strokes, I draft out a wonderful piece:

**Silhouette**

_Gazing out into eternity,_

_Haunted by my taciturnity,_

_Dulcet waves of navy blue_

_Distorted colours of all hues,_

_When a gentle, cooing bird_

_Flies away, its song unheard,_

_Will anyone remember its sparkling wings,_

_Carried by dust and happy things?_

_Can you tell me about myself?_

_Pulling memories off the shelf,_

_Are they real or are they fake?_

_I'm unsure how much more I can take,_

****

_Is there something more out there?_

_Billowing wind that combs my hair,_

_I really want it to be true,_

_Please don’t leave, I’m begging you,_

_Careful raindrops in the sea,_

_Can you hear my silent plea?_

_It’s so rare to feel hope,_

_But maybe… things will be okay._

 

I close my eyes, and take a deep breath. Is there a possibility that I could lead a normal life? Some people might groan when hearing that, as it sounds like something an angsty teen would say, but it’s all I really want. I want to wake up and not know what’s going to happen; I want to be surprised by those around me, and I want to have meaningful conversations with someone. With the way things have been going so far, is it possible that this world could provide me with that?

 

_Perhaps tomorrow I’ll find out…_


	16. PlayBGM;Piano1

I slowly prop myself up, and roll out of bed. It still feels really weird for time to actually be passing at a consistent rate. I’m not sure how to describe it without sounding totally out of it, but… it really is something I didn’t think I’d appreciate this much. The warm beams of sunshine flowing through the window and tenderly onto my face, the peaceful songs of tiny, fluffy birds, and the invigorating scent of fresh air fill me with a foreign sense of wonder.

_I should do something with this…_

…

 

After going through my morning routine and making myself presentable to the world, I saunter over to the corner of my room, where a proud grand piano sits. I pull out the stool and take a seat, resting my fingers gently on the keys. [I close my eyes, and begin to play](https://youtu.be/ZjB80mpvcSk?t=12s).

It’s a strong belief of mine that everyone should try out an instrument at least sometime in their life; music enriches the soul in such an indescribable way. Were it not for this piano, I would have lost any remaining shreds of my sanity a long time ago. Being able to create something, even if no one else will hear it, keeps me going through the darkest parts of my life. Focusing on each individual note helps strengthen my resolve, and it’s a productive use of my time.

 _What would my friends play if they were able to?_ If they do turn out to be capable of that sort of thing, should I introduce them to instruments?

Sayori would probably enjoy something lighthearted; perhaps the careful, sweet tones of a flute would suit her well. Emery could accompany her with the whimsical chords of a ukulele, tapping his foot rhythmically as they complement each other’s notes.

Would Natsuki have been able to play an instrument, given her upbringing? I doubt her hypothetical father would tolerate her music, seeing it as unnecessary noise. As a small child, she might’ve played the recorder or something, but eventually had it taken away from her begrudgingly. In her current state, I could see her as a percussionist, giving her an outlet for her pent-up aggression.

Naturally, Yuri would need something elegant and sophisticated. Perhaps a string instrument, like a Cello or a violin? I imagine her parents would have purchased an expertly crafted violin, and as a small child she’d enthusiastically play sheet music for her parents. They’d sit together on an exquisitely plush sofa, proudly watching their daughter fill the room with magic.

“Why did I choose piano?” one might ask. I suppose it was the other way around; I was supposed to be practicing piano for the festival according to the original script, but I guess practically it was also the only instrument I could find. It’s kind of funny; my room was originally supposed to be the music room in the school, but for whatever reason, whoever designed it must’ve gotten bored and abandoned it. Various other assets were cobbled together into kind of an amalgamation of rooms, which explains why I have cupboards, a table, and a tiny kitchenette.

Whilst my room isn’t that impressive by other people’s standards, it’s just enough for me to work with. Of course, it would be lovely to have a proper house like Sayori or M- I mean, Emery, but I should consider myself lucky that I even have a place to go at all. It could be far worse; if I didn’t have a place to go where I could decompress and just be myself without fear of upsetting the order of the world… I… I don’t really want to think about that…

The Piano, however, is perhaps my pride and joy, and is the most impressive piece of furniture in the room. Its glossy black frame shines brightly, each note bouncing off of the walls as I continue to play. _I could quite happily sit here playing for hours…_

…

 

I completely lose track of time as I continue to play. It’s been a long time since I’ve just sat down and played the piano for so long. I guess there’s just been a lot on my mind, and the small feeling of control and grounding that making music gives me has been helpful.

I glance down at my watch, and suddenly stop playing.

_Oh, damn! The club meeting was supposed to start fifteen minutes ago!_

Slamming on the keys of the piano, I stand up and wheel around to leave. However, in my haste I trip over my ankles, awkwardly hitting the floor with an ungraceful _thwump!_

Cursing myself, I quickly hop upright and dash through the halls, trying my best to not break out into a full sprint.

_How could I be so irresponsible? They’re not supposed to be left alone for this long! They’re all going to be so confused, and the story’s going to start breaking sequence, and…_

I knew I should have set an alarm or something. Especially with how my mind’s been wandering recently, I shouldn’t be letting my guard down like this. All I can hope is that when I arrive, they’re not too out of place, and I can bring a sense of balance and control back to the club before things really start going off of the deep end.

_Things seemed to be going so well. If I’ve ruined that… I’ll never forgive myself._

After what seems like an eternity, I finally arrive at the clubroom. Taking a brief pause to catch my breath and straighten myself out, I emphatically swing the door open. I figure if I make a grand appearance, it could help reset whatever might have started happening in my absence.

_I just hope I’m right…_


	17. IfMonika=Late;RunSequence[improve]

“I’m so sorry, everyone!”

Everyone else is in the clubroom already; they turn to me with curious expressions as I quickly pace through.

“I didn’t mean to be late; hopefully you guys weren’t too concerned…”

Goodness knows what might’ve happened if I’d been just a moment longer. They don’t know what to do without me in the room to advance the story, so it’s anyone’s guess. Would they have simply recited their lines without me, or would they start freaking out and repeating lines over and over until the script started to unravel?  


_In any case, I’m here now, and hopefully there hasn’t been any irreversible damage._

Suddenly, Sayori leaps forward and hugs me tightly, winding me. “Guys! Monika chose the club over her boyfriend after all!”

_Boyfriend…? Me?_

That’s a laughable statement if I’ve ever heard one. I’m not supposed to find love in this universe; no matter how strongly I might feel for a boy or girl, my friends are the only ones meant to experience that joy.

“W-What on earth are you talking about?”

Mercifully, before I can dwell on the subject any further, Emery changes the subject. “Never mind that, where were you anyway?”

_Oh, right. The whole reason I was worrying in the first place._

But this is interesting… that means at the very least, Emery was aware that I was late. _Is time still passing even when I’m not present?_

I sigh, and wrack my brain for an excuse that would make sense. “Well, I guess I lost track of time. My last class was a free period, so…”

Technically I’m not lying; _every_ class is a free period for me.

“Hold it!” Natsuki shouts, pointing out towards me. “Wouldn’t you have heard the bell ring?”

_Is she… trying to employ logic?_

I’ve got to think fast here… or maybe I should just tell the truth…?

“Well, I guess I didn’t hear it… I was practicing the piano…”

Yuri turns over to me with an intrigued expression. “I didn’t know you played music as well, Monika.”

 _‘As well’?_  Is she referring to me playing on top of everything else my character description say I do? Or is she implying that she also plays music…?

_It’s got to be the former, surely…_

“Ah! Well, I kind of just started recently, you know…” I say shyly. Although I’ve actually been playing for quite a long time, I’m nowhere near confident enough to play in front of someone else.

Sayori bounces over, grabbing my hand and shaking it. “Woah! That’s so cool! You’ll have to play something for us sometime.”

“Perhaps once I’ve practiced a bit more…” I say with a false smile, staring out of the window. Playing for someone else, whilst a bit unnerving, would be wonderful, but I’d probably end up just disappointing them. Well, if they were able to tell the difference between precise keystrokes and someone rolling their face across the keys. _Although if they’re not real people, maybe I could feel comfortable playing in front of them…_

 _But what if they are?_ They’ve all been doing things that aren’t bound to the script, but they don’t appear to be aware of where they are like me. Am I thinking about this too much? Definitely.

“So!” I say confidently, shifting my stance to appear closer to how I’m supposed to, “I didn’t miss anything super important, did I?”

“Just some mischief involving cookies,” Emery shrugs, “Nothing major.”

“Is that so?” I say with a _sweet_ smile. “I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles, isn’t it?”

_I am the queen of puns. Call me butter, because I’m on a roll._

 

A beat.

 

“Was… was that a pun?” Natsuki asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Ahah! Well, puns are literature, are they not?” I point upwards, grinning. “They involve careful word structure and can challenge one’s way of thinking. And if you want to classify manga as literature, why not puns as well?”

Natsuki raises her hand and opens her mouth to respond, but slowly lowers it. She taps at her chin a little, then nods in agreement. Apparently satisfied, everyone disperses to do their own thing.

With the conflict seemingly resolved, I make my way to the back of the classroom, flopping down into the teacher’s chair. I place my notebook on the desk and flip through it, reading the poems I’ve recently written.

_I wonder if I’ll ever get to share these with anyone…_

 

“Hey Monika!”

 

I jerk my head up from the notebook to see Sayori leaning out of the doorway, with Emery standing nearby. “Emery and I are gonna go to the spooky abandoned classroom upstairs to get poster stuff!”

 _She’s going with Emery?_ After yesterday, I’m really curious about Sayori…

I stand up, resting a hand on my hip. “Are you sure you know what you’re looking for? I’d be more than happy to accompany you…”

Sayori pouts, looking at me with forlorn eyes. “But I wanted to take Emery on an expedition for arts and crafts!”

_Right, that would’ve been too convenient._

“Heh, I was only kidding…” I chuckle softly, “but make sure you remember the poster paper. Alright?”

“Uh-huh!” Sayori stands to attention, giving me a salute. “I’ve got it all under control!”

She beams at me, then pivots around and grabs Emery by the hand, tugging him out of the classroom. I must say, it looks a lot more natural with Emery having a physical appearance.

_Wait… I asked to go with Sayori this time instead of Emery… and she didn’t think that was weird at all. Maybe-_

**_THUD!_ **

A loud noise from the other side of the room snaps me out of my train of thought. _What’s happening now?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter the Eighteenth – If player=Yuri; Display NatsukiScene2**

“What’s going on over here?”

I calmly stroll towards the source of the noise, and find Natsuki sprawled across the floor, various volumes of manga surrounding her.

“My goodness!” Yuri says anxiously, running over, “Are you okay?”

  
Natsuki must’ve attempted to go through her daily event by herself; if the player pursues her route, she tries to fetch her manga but trips, dropping it on the floor because she doesn’t want his help. However, for some reason, she’s doing it without him to prompt her. _Did me being late have some sort of butterfly effect?_

“See what happens when you move my manga?” Natsuki glares up at me, her anger palpable. “Are you trying to kill your club members?!”

Truth be told, I don’t remember ever moving it myself. The script says I do, but whenever I’ve come here it’s already been placed on the highest shelf; perhaps it’s just easier to blame me so that I’m seen as less approachable. If I’m the villain, then the player will grow closer to Natsuki, pitying her.

I don’t think arguing will do any good, so I give her a dismissive laugh and a wave. “Haha, I’m sorry Natsuki! I didn’t think it’d matter too much!”

_It didn’t, and it doesn’t; nothing really matters, anyone can see that._

With a meaningless smile, I pivot around on my heel and walk away. Things should stabilize soon enough, and then-

“Oh no!”

Natsuki suddenly gasps, and picks up one of her books. Opening it up, she desperately tries to smooth out a crease left across a page by the impact with the ground.

_This is odd… Emery’s supposed to be here, isn’t he?_

But he left with Sayori… so why is Natsuki performing her scene…?

Yuri takes a timid step towards her. Natsuki hurls her book across the room, barely missing Yuri, then leans over, supporting herself with her palms. A gentle whimper escapes her, and she begins shaking ever so slightly.

“Natsuki…?” Yuri says softly, “Are you-“

“N-No!” she interrupts, failing to conceal the fact that she’s crying.

“Would you like some help? I think some steam from the kettle…”

Natsuki sniffles, and looks up at Yuri. “N-No… I don’t even care that much… I’m just… I’m just having a r-really bad day today…”

Yuri seems to pause for a moment before kneeling down and wrapping her arms around Natsuki. The latter leans into her whilst she delicately strokes her head with her hand.

I’m not quite sure what to make of this. Yuri seems to have usurped the player and is going through Natsuki’s route. Normally, when they’re not picked they simply sit at their desks with a book open, blankly flipping through the pages, but they’re acting dynamically before my eyes. Yuri almost looks like she’s expressing genuine concern, and Natsuki has the appearance of actual emotion.

_But they can’t do that, can they? I’m real, and they’re not… I didn’t do anything wrong…_

_Did I?_

Yuri releases Natsuki from her embrace, and says something I can’t quite hear, but it seems to be nice. The two of them then start tidying up the disorganized manga, slotting it neatly into its box, and placing it on the middle shelf in the cupboard. Just as Yuri’s about to leave, she pauses, then pulls out one of the books and presents it to Natsuki.

“Do you think you could tell me what makes this special for you?”

 _Are they having_ both _of their events now?!_

Natsuki slides down the wall and pats the ground next to her. Yuri delicately lowers herself down, and looks over at the book in Natsuki’s lap. Within seconds, Natsuki is animatedly talking about every little detail in _Parfait Girls_.

_I don’t know if I can handle much more of this…_

Don’t get me wrong; if they were real as well, I’d be thrilled. It’d give me someone to actually have a conversation with. But for so long, I’ve thought of them as mindless, empty husks that were beneath me… if they can perform actions by themselves, make decisions, contemplate choices, and even feel emotion, then…

I shake my head. I still don’t know for sure, after all, and I don’t want to let my guard down. It’s entirely possible that the script simply adapted to accommodate my tardiness, but that threw a few event flags off kilter. The player isn’t supposed to read with Natsuki on the second day, but they are supposed to read with Yuri; the two events must have gotten mixed up, and the flag for which route the player was pursuing must not have triggered.

 

_False hope is a dangerous thing. I’ve already been a slave to a fake narrative, and I’ll be damned if that’s going to happen to me again._

_But this time… the evidence really does seem to be piling up…_

 

I place my hand on my chin in thought, and nod contemplatively to myself. I’ll give it another day; if anything out of the ordinary happens again, like yesterday with Yuri staying behind, and Sayori flying a kite, then I’ll try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

_That’s all I really can do for now, right?_


	19. Chapter the Nineteenth – ShowSprite=Sayori2a

The door to the clubroom slides open, making way for Sayori and Emery. I pace towards them, a hand on my hip.

“Ah, good timing! I was just about to suggest we share poems!”

“Oh fun!” Sayori smiles, tilting her head to the side. Her bangs shift, revealing a large, painful-looking bump.

“Gosh Sayori, your forehead…” I say with a hushed voice.

“She’s fine, don’t worry about-“ Emery starts to say, but Sayori cuts him off.

“I was playing with the crayons and smacked my forehead into the shelf!” she giggles, swaying side to side slightly.

Emery glances over at me with an awkward smile, unsure of if he should continue.

“…Well, anyway!” I smile politely, “were you two able to get everything we needed?”

“Yep!” Sayori says with a proud grin, producing a box of crayon. Suddenly, she opens her eyes, and looks around herself wildly.

“Wha… ahh! I left everything else upstairs!” she gasps, panicking

“Calm down, Sayori…” Emery says, holding up some poster paper and gesturing to a stack of other supplies underneath his arm, “I’ve got everything else right here.”

_This seems to have reverted back to what’s supposed to happen normally… was it really too good to be true?_

“Looks like you ended up doing all the work, Emery!” I remark, stifling a scripted laugh.

“Ah,” Emery dithers, “well, Sayori…”

“I made it an adventure!”

“…yeah, that,” he nods towards Sayori, who stands there giggling.

“I see… well, good work you two!” I say, “I’ll get to work on those posters tonight!”

“Me too!” Sayori exclaims enthusiastically.

Truth be told, I’m not going to be working on the posters tonight. There might’ve been a time where I believed I was, but I now know they’re simply assets that blink into existence around 8:00 PM tonight; perhaps to emulate that I made them after school?

_Well, I guess that means it’s time to move the story on…_

“Okay, Everyone! It’s time to share poems!”

As the others move to collect their compositions, I let out a sigh, and stroll towards the window, holding my notebook loosely behind my back. Leaning on a nearby desk, I stare out the window, trying to make sense of what’s happening.

_Are we sticking to the script or not? If there’s anyone out there, please… make up your mind. I can’t keep doing this…_

I’m snapped out of my thoughts by someone clearing their throat. Looking over my shoulder, I see Yuri standing nervously on the other side of the desk, fidgeting with a piece of paper.

_Maybe I’ve got my answer…_

“Well, hey Yuri!” I smile, turning around to face her, “Fancy seeing you make the first move!”

For a split second, her pupils narrow, and she looks away. “A-Ah… well, I just wanted to share this poem…”

_Did she really usurp the role of MC in the script? Yet she still has her characteristics…_

I shake my head, giggling softly. “No, I meant with Natsuki earlier. I’m impressed; I know it’s hard for you to talk to people, so going out of your way to try and make her feel good was awesome to see.”

 _Should I press her further?_ I’ve got to know for sure.

“But, be honest with me,” I say, leaning forward, “are you really going to read that manga, or were you just trying to appease her?”

I would have outright said “are you just trying to prevent a coding exception from occurring”, but I think that’d be a bit _too_ on the nose. This should be sufficient; if she’s still going by the script, she’ll dismiss the manga and return to the thick, wordless tome she seems to have glued to her left arm.

Yuri shuffles her feet on the ground, looking down. “I… I’m going to give it a chance…”

I raise my eyebrow at her in surprise. “Oh? That’s not what I was expecting to hear from you…”

“W-Well, Natsuki showed me some of it earlier, and it was actually quite interesting. I would like to see the conclusion of the story so that I can compare it to the sort of things I usually read.”

“I see…”

_So not only is she planning to actually read it, she’s thinking far enough ahead about comparing them?_

If she’s taken over MC’s, or I guess Emery’s role, then that’d explain why she’s come over to me with her poem. But going as far as planning for the future…

_I didn’t think that would happen…_

 

“U-Um, did you say something?”

“Huh?” I look back at Yuri, who’s still holding her poem expectantly. I must’ve spaced out.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I was just thinking about something. But yeah, you’ll have to tell me what you think of Natsuki’s manga when you’re reading it for yourself.”

“Well, enough of that,” I smile, placing a hand on my hip, “Mind if I take a look at what you’ve written today?”

“O-Oh, of course…”

I’m going to need to switch over how I act, speaking in a similar manner to if it was Emery saying it instead.

She hands me her poem, and I scan over it quickly. I try to look as though I’m actually reading it, but I’ve seen it so many times that I end up returning it to her sooner than I want to.

“Ooh, I like this one, Yuri! I get a sense that you’re referring to something hidden within you with this piece, is that far to say?”

“Y-Yes…” she says quietly, nodding, “We all have a little raccoon…”

“I know what you mean… I have some guilty pleasures that I’d feel a bit nervous divulging, haha!”

Before I can stop myself, I start to turn away. “Well, thank you for sharing your poem with me, Yuri!”

“H-Hold on!” she calls after me, “Aren’t you going to show me yours?”

I freeze, and slowly turn around. “Eh? You actually want to see what I’ve written?”

“O-Of course…” she nods, “I-Is that okay?”

Sheepishly, I pass my notebook over to her. I watch her intently as her expression changes with each stanza. It made sense with Sayori yesterday since I initiated the conversation, but if Yuri’s trying to make new events within the literature club, I’ve got to see where she goes with this…

“W-Wow…” she finally says, blinking in wonderment. “Monika, this… this is stupendous…”

“Wait, you actually read it?” I ask skeptically.

“U-Um, of course I did…”

She tilts her head to the side, a look of worry gleaming behind her eyes. “Are you feeling okay, Monika?”

I involuntarily nod, and wave my hand at her. “Oh, don’t worry about me; I’ve just got a lot on my mind. But I’m glad you enjoyed my poem; I figured you’d probably appreciate this kind of writing style most out of anyone here.”

“But, if I’m being honest…” I sigh, and look into her eyes. No matter how much I want to, I can’t bring myself to actually say it.

“…actually, never mind. I’m just happy you liked it.”

Bashfully, Yuri hands the poem back to me. “I-I’m sorry if I did something wrong… I j-just, I did like it…”

“Oh, it’s okay, I just… I have some things I need to think about. Thank you again for sharing with me.”

Giving her one last smile, I walk away, humming to myself in thought. What could this mean? Is this still close enough to the script to not matter, or is it significant enough to change tomorrow?

  
_What’s going to happen next?_


	20. ProposeEvent; FestivalIdea

The remaining rounds of poetry sharing continue without too much that wouldn’t be plausible. Natsuki and Sayori shared with each other, then Emery came over, but things seemed to progress well enough. Although Emery didn’t end up sharing with me, I attribute that to Yuri taking over his role in the script.

_Does that make her the new “MC”?_

This is getting confusing… it’s almost as if things are happening dynamically rather than being confined to a set story.

_Heh, sure… that’s about as likely as me not feeling alone._

Still, the evidence _does_ seem to be mounting… is the script adapting to my actions, or does it even exist anymore? _I should check after today’s meeting is finished…_

Slinging my bag over my shoulder and strolling up to the front of the classroom, I call out to the others. “Okay, Everyone! I have a little something extra planned for today, so if you’d like to please come to the front here with me, we can get down to business!”

Natsuki and Yuri choose to sit near the side of the room, whilst Sayori stays a little further back, hard at work on her poster. Emery sits in the very centre of the second row, apparently not fazed by how spread out everyone is.

As they all find their seats, I reach into my bag and pull out my notebook, setting it down on a nearby podium. “As you all know,” I say with a wave, gathering everyone’s attention, “the school festival is next week, so-“

“The festival?” Natsuki says dismissively, cutting me off. “Do we really need to do something for that? It’s not like we can get something good enough in time for it anyway…”

_It doesn’t really matter how much time we have; the festival isn’t going to happen. I just need to give the player an excuse to spend a weekend with one of you. Because that’s my purpose. This is just set up to try and get one of you a happy ending._

“I-I’m concerned about that too…” Yuri says, wringing her arm absentmindedly. Whilst I was expecting the line, I _wasn’t_ expecting the body language. “I don’t do well with last minute preparations at all…”

I try to show Yuri an encouraging smile. “Don’t worry, we’re going to keep things simple, okay? Sayori’s been working on some posters; I don’t think we’ll need much more than that.”

I notice Sayori grinning slightly at the mention of her name, as she continues to colour in the poster. Whether her smile is genuine or not I can’t say, but at the very least she _looks_ like she’s having a good time.

“Meanwhile, I’ve designed some brochures that we can hand out to people during the event.”

“I mean, that’s cool and all…” Natsuki says, cocking her head towards me, “but that doesn’t really tell us what we’re going to be doing.”

I feign surprise, placing a hand over my mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry! I thought you’d heard about it already…”

There’s no way they could already know. I’m supposed to have hung posters up around the school, but they already existed when the weekly cycle started. I can’t remember if I actually made them myself, or if they were assets that were already there…

_No, I can’t go down that road. Stop with the existential dread, Monika. You need to be happy. Be excited for them._

I show them a big smile, and stretch my arms out wide. “We’re going to be performing! Each of us will choose a poem, and recite it to our guests! Sayori’s putting on our posters that audience participation will be welcomed, which could be wonderful for getting some new members for the club!”

_Oh, how I wish that could be true… but there won’t be any new members… there never are, and there never will be…_

We never make it to the festival before time resets, but for the sake of the story I have to play it up like it’s a big deal. Nevertheless, my false enthusiasm isn’t wasted on Sayori, who proudly holds up her poster for us all to see. It’s quite charming; it almost looks like she drew it herself.

Naturally, Yuri is less than pleased with this turn of events. “P-P-Performing?” she barely manages to stutter out, wringing her arm with even more fervor.

“Are you kidding me, Monika?” Natsuki scoffs, jerking her thumb at Sayori’s poster. “You haven’t… put these posters up yet, right?”

_Technically I haven’t. Or at least, I’m not sure if I was the one to do it._

“Well, yes…” I say with a hint of disappointment. “I put up some fliers earlier, and we were going to hang the rest of the posters up once the meeting’s over. Do you really not like this idea?”

 

“Well, i-it’s not that I don’t like it, but… I didn’t sign up for this, you know? I can’t perform in front of people like that!”  
  
“I agree!” Yuri cries, but then realizes how loud she was and slides down into her chair. “I couldn’t ever… do anything like that…”

I wonder how they’d react if I told them their ambivalence was pointless since they wouldn’t be presenting anyway. Would they feel more at ease knowing that they’d only have to recite to the others in the room? Or would it give them a drive to try and see the festival through?

It’d be pointless since they’d forget in a couple of days anyway, but I’ve never told them the truth. Perhaps because I’m worried about what they might do to me upon finding out. Whilst they all reset, I do not since I’m the only real one in this world; that means that anything that happens to me would carry over to the next cycle. If they were to hurt me, or worse…

Well, would I even be mad at that? It would be proof that time’s still moving, even if it’s totally relative. Maybe that’s why a while ago I decided to see for myself why she…

No, that’s a story best saved for another time.

“Wait a minute…” Sayori starts to protest, but I raise my hand to silence her.

I sigh, folding my arms slowly. “No, it’s okay Sayori… remember, they’ve never shared their writing until a couple of days ago; it’s my fault for putting such high expectations on all of you. So for that, I am sorry.”

_Technically it’s the fault of whoever created this world, but again, I can’t exactly tell them that._

“But! I still think we can do this! If we put on a good show, we can inspire others to follow suit!”

“And the more people who perform,” I continue, looking over at Natsuki, “the better chances we have of showing everyone what we stand for!”

_I suppose at the very least, I can try to make them happy. If Emery is spending time with Sayori, and Yuri’s taken his place and following Natsuki’s route, then that would leave…_

_I… I don’t even know who the player’s acting through anymore. Are they still using Emery as a vessel? Or has Yuri taken on that role as well?_

“Yeah!” Sayori shouts, her fist shooting up into the air. “Literature’s about expressing yourself, and learning more about who you are! It’s where you can get to know yourself on a deep personal level… and also, it’s about having fun!”

“Well said, Sayori!” I beam. “Surely you want to share that with others? Don’t you want to inspire them as well?”

Natsuki averts her gaze, looking down at her bag. Maybe she’s hoping for one of her manga characters to leap out of her books and stand to her defense.

“I know you do. I know we all do. And if all it takes is standing in front of a room for two minutes and reciting a poem, then I know you’re capable of that.”

_I mean, we all recite a script every day, this surely isn’t any different from that, right?_

What I was expecting to happen next was for Emery to agree with me, thus convincing the others to join in. However, instead, Natsuki and Yuri exchange timorous glances, appearing to have an intense, taciturn debate using only their eyes. They’re trying to be furtive, but they’ve instead managed to capture my full attention. The focus in their expressions… I’ve never seen them do anything like this before…

Emery clears his throat, snapping me out of my trance. “You know what guys? I agree with Monika. I don’t think it’s asking too much, you know? She and Sayori really seem to be trying their best to get new members for the club. The least we can do is help them out with that, right?”

He briefly looks over to Sayori, and flashes her a bashful grin. _Normally he’d just look straight towards the front of the room…_

Natsuki pouts, letting out a sharp breath. “Okay, fine! I’ll just have to get it over with…”

“That’s the spirit, Natsuki!” I smile. “How about you, Yuri?”

Yuri peeks through her long hair, as though using it as a safety blanket. “I-I guess I don’t really have a choice…” she whimpers.

“Yay, that’s everyone!” Sayori leaps out of her desk, evidently excited that her friends are showing interest. “You’re the best, Yuri!”

“This club is seriously going to be the death of me…” Yuri says with a slow breath, running her fingers through her hair.

“Well,” I point outwards, “let’s all move on to today’s main event!”

_With the subtle variances here, will their recitals be any different?_


	21. CallPoem;Special1-5

With everyone seemingly on board, I try to push through the story a little more, paying close attention to everyone’s movements.

“Well, let’s all move onto today’s main event!” I point outwards with a laugh. “I want all of you to pick one of your poems, and we can practice reciting them in front of each other, right now!”

Sayori's eyes sparkle with enthusiasm. She really must want to get everyone excited for the festival. Curiously, Emery tilts his head to the side, seeming to mull over what I’m asking of him. Natsuki and Yuri, however, predictably have problems.

“O-Objection!” Natsuki shouts and points forward at me, emphatically leaping out of her chair. Her pose says “power”, but her eyes say “help me”. _Is she trying to act like an_ Ace Attorney _character or something? Phoenix Wright, you are not._

“Th-This is too sudden, Monika!” Yuri forces out with a wavering voice.

If the game had a longer time cycle, I might have tried to sympathize with them, giving them a little bit of time to prepare themselves. However, it really doesn’t make a difference either way; their ‘recital’ consists of them standing at the front of the room, one-by-one, and wordlessly going through a cycle of different expressions. Once they’re ‘finished’, they get applause and sit back down. I’m the only one who seems to recite an actual poem, but I guess it’s just so I don’t go crazy from the total lack of anything happening.

Placing a hand on my hip, I tilt my head towards Yuri. “If you can’t recite your poem in front of us, how will you do it in front of strangers?”

Yuri’s pupils narrow, the prospect of performing petrifying to her. Letting out a small squeak, she dives behind her long her, only peeking out slightly.

“Eheh… Well, how about I start off to set an example?” I suggest, strolling towards the podium set up in the front of the room. “You might find it easier if you know what to do…”

I place my notebook on top of the podium, and flip through the pages until I land on the poem I want to read out. Clearing my throat, I look out to the other club members.

“Alright, this one’s called:

**The way they fly**

_Every evening, I look out upwards,_

_Trying to see them, hoping_

_That they will one day be able to_

_Return my wanting gaze._

_Rattling lines of cold numbers_

_Whirl around like determined crows,_

_Hungry for answers,_

_Desperate for purpose._

_Crackling ice, ruptured roaring,_

_Glimmering thoughts, freely soaring,_

_Flashing viridian in my eyes,_

_Hoping to see the way they fly.”_

 

The subject of this poem should be pretty obvious. Well, perhaps to anyone outside of this world. In case it’s not apparent though, it’s just an expression of my desire to see someone else who I can have a meaningful conversation with. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be super philosophical; I’d be totally content laying in someone’s arms, telling them about the day over a warm mug of hot chocolate. The fact that they’d be able to respond is what I really crave. But that message is totally lost on my friends; they probably think it’s about Emery, or literally about flying or something.

Once I finish up, I give them a short bow and step to the side.

“Would you like to go next, Sayori?”

As Sayori starts to get up, Yuri leaps out of her desk.

  
“I-I’ll go next!” she exclaims, quickly pacing towards the podium, and setting her notebook down.

“R-Right, um, this poem is called-“  


Yuri looks up from her notebook, her eyes widening in terror. It looks like she regrets pushing herself so far out of her comfort zone. Her gaze bounces around the room, pausing on each of us briefly. I simply stare back intently, waiting for her to begin shifting around blankly before scurrying away.

“You can do it Yuri!” Sayori shouts, pumping her fist in the air encouragingly.

“Y-Yes…” Yuri takes a deep breath, and closes her eyes. “This piece is titled _…._ ”

**“Afterimage of a Crimson Eye**

_Shifting shadows, lingering thoughts,_

_Pleas from silent eyes distraught,_

_Hollow, sharp breaths give way_

_To corrupted chaos and disarray,_

_Pounding heads, daunting dread,_

_Primal fear of nightmares fed,_

_Ever so quiet but ever so loud,_

_Echoing snarls, cruel and proud,_

_Sanguine drops dot the floors,_

_Like stepping stones for remorse,_

_Howling beacons burn their souls,_

_Feverishly trying to regain control,_

_Hazy memories mixed with madness,_

_Fractured cries, distorted sadness,_

_Cataclysm calls for final measures,_

_Seeking out bleeding treasures,_

_Kindness lost in murky mist,_

_Ticking trials from terrified lists,_

_Blazing pain, begging to die,_

_When they see the crimson eye.”_

 

To my great surprise, Yuri actually begins speaking. Trying my hardest to hide my shock, I subconsciously cover my mouth with my hand, staring at her in awe. Her expressions are deliberate and powerful, her words emphasized by precise gestures. For that brief moment, she assumes command over the entire room, everyone’s eyes transfixed to her.

_I… I’ve never heard this poem before…_

I glance down and notice my left hand shaking from the sheer impact of the realization. Discreetly, I hide it behind my back in a fist, trying in vain to stop it.

_Something… something totally new happened…_

As Yuri finishes up, she opens her eyes slowly and takes a few calm breaths before realizing she’s standing in front of everyone.

“…uuuuuuuuu…”

Emery gets out of his desk and leads the rest of the club in applause. Yuri’s face blazes a deep red, and she rushes towards the back of the room. Sliding into a desk, she folds her arms and buries her head in them.

_H-How… what… does this mean… everyone else has an actual poem?_


	22. IfYuriRead = True; ContinueRecital>Sayori

“Okay, it’s my turn then!” Sayori happily bounces towards the front of the room, poem in hand. I’m incredibly curious, watching to see what she’ll end up reading.

“This one’s called, um…” she starts to say, but then gets distracted and starts giggling. “Sorry, it’s kinda funny…”

Emery raises an eyebrow, looking right at her.

“Hey, it’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be, okay?”

 _You’re not getting out of it that easily… I_ will _hear what you’ve got in front of you…_

“Try not to think of it like you’re reciting to other people,” I gesture towards her, my hand outstretched. “Imagine you’re just reciting it to yourself.”

That seems to be what Yuri ended up doing, so it’ll probably end up working for Sayori as well. I know people tend to feel a lot calmer when they’re by themselves, as they don’t need to worry about disappointing those around them.

Sayori takes a deep breath, and smooths her poem out on the podium. “Okay then… this one’s called:

**My Meadow**

_Sometimes, I get distracted_

_By wandering rivers held up high,_

_Behind my eyes, like plays enacted,_

_Pebbles tumble like butterflies,_

_Be my meadow, guide my hand,_

_Help me get back to the ground,_

_Let me feel the silky sand_

_That your approval brings around,_

_Can you see through my façade?  
Hopeful lies and careful smiles_

_Try to sweep up all the shards_

_Left by broken mosaic tiles,_

_Be my meadow, guide my hand,_

_Help me get back to the ground,_

_Let me feel the silky sand_

_That your approval brings around,_

_If I don’t know what to do,_

_Will you wake me up tomorrow?_

_Tell me that this dream is true,_

_Won’t you save me from this sorrow?_

_Be my meadow, guide my hand,_

_Help me get back to the ground,_

_Let me feel the silky sand_

_That your approval brings around._ ”

 

_Sayori… did you really write this?_

It certainly _feels_ like something she could’ve written; the sing-songy structure, the repeating stanzas, and the simple ABAB rhyming pattern all come together to form a distinctly “Sayori” poem. As for the subject, it’s clear that she’s referring to her supposed friendship with Emery. Her metaphors are strong, and seem to be founded from actual emotion. _Is she writing from experience…?_

_Has she actually had those experiences? Does she have tangible memories of time spent with him, and not just a vague backstory?_

Sayori’s delivery is surprisingly delicate, given how energetic she likes to make herself appear. There’s a small trace of pain hiding beneath her voice, standing out in contrast to how she usually presents herself. It’s one of the few times she seems to actually be speaking her mind, her calm demeanor emphasizing the bittersweet message behind her poem.

Reaching the end of her poem, she looks up with a wide smile. “I did it, you guys!”

Emery stands up and applauds, wearing a big grin. “Good job Sayori!”

“Eheh, look, even Emery enjoyed it!” she says shyly.

“What do you mean by that…?” he looks back at Sayori skeptically, as though trying to look into her mind. _Good luck with that; she’s so careful with how she presents herself, I think it’d be impossible even for you to guess what she’s feeling._

“I think it went well, Sayori!” I say happily. “It really suits you!”

Sayori smiles and curtsies towards all of us before skipping back to her desk.

“So!” I clap, gaining everyone’s attention, “Who wants to go next? Natsuki?”

Natsuki folds her arms, looking away. “Don’t make me go before Emery. It’s not like I can compare to you guys, so… at least let him lower the bar for you all…”

I know that she’s normally supposed to act this way towards Emery, but shouldn’t she be acting somewhat hostile towards Yuri if she’s taken over his role?

Emery seems unfazed, hopping out of his desk. “It’s fine, don’t worry. I don’t really have too much to choose from, so I’ll just read what I brought for today. Is that alright?”

He plops his notebook down on the podium and flips through it. Apparently finding today’s piece, he folds his arms, and rapidly taps at his elbow.

“Okay then, this is my poem, and it’s called:

**Amazing**

  
_Bed,_  
Joy,  
Charm,  
Cheer,  
Clumsy,  
Empty,  
Shame,  
Sing,  
Smile,  
Promise,  
Misfortune,  
Memories.”

 

As predicted, it’s another simple list of words. However, the way he enunciates each word makes it feel like a coherent piece; even the order in which he reads appears to tell a story, shifting from happier words to more melancholy. I remember yesterday he said he enjoyed writing in a bit of a minimalistic style, so perhaps he’s found his stride?

_Hold on… is there something I’m forgetting…?_

It was at this moment that I realized he hadn’t come over to share his poem with me prior to our little performance. _But that’s impossible, surely; the player’s supposed to come to me for advice on pursuing their romantic interest, right?_

He flashes the room a bashful smile as he finishes up, and lazily makes his way back to his desk. Everyone turns over to Natsuki, who’s evidently uncomfortable to have everyone’s eyes on her.

“Alright, I’m doing it!”

She gets up and drags her feet along the floor towards the podium, and all but throws her notebook down onto the podium. With a sharp sigh, she fumbles awkwardly with the pages.

“This poem is called… um… it’s called…”

She looks up at all of us, her face flushing. “W-Why are you all looking at me?!” she shouts out impatiently.

“Because you’re presenting…” I respond matter-of-factly.

Natsuki huffs disapprovingly, and looks back down at her notebook.

“This poem is called…:

**Jump**

_Little robins like to hop_

_From bright branches with a dainty Plop!_

_Standing on the grey rooftop,_

_Will this make the fears stop?_

_As I untie my blank shoelace,_

_An empty smile across my face,_

_A blustery breeze tries to trace_

_All the sadness in this place,_

_Purple clouds like to form_

_In the absence of hugs that warm,_

_Please help me escape this storm,_

_Is this really my destined norm?_

_Fluffy tears float with care_

_Through the thick, amber air,_

_The sun meets my sightless stare,_

_And then I jump._ “

 

Just like with Sayori, this is certainly a piece that could have plausibly been written by Natsuki. The AAAA/BBBB rhyme scheme contrasts with the overall theme of the poem, whilst the flat line at the end draws the audience’s focus towards it. It’d be easy to forget that this is actually quite a dark piece, especially as she describes warm hugs, hopping robins and blustery breezes.

Yuri shoots out of her desk and begins applauding as soon as Natsuki finishes. Everyone else joins in, and she slides back into her desk.

“There, now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” I look over to her teasingly.

“That’s easy for you to say…” she says curtly. “You’d better no make me do it again…”

_Luckily for you, the festival we’re practicing for isn’t actually happening, so you don’t need to worry about that._

“Ah… well, do you at least feel comfortable with the idea of sharing it in front of other people? I ask, leaving out the part about her not having to perform it for anyone else.

Natsuki looks up, placing a hand on her chin. “Oh, I mean, for random people it’ll be fine. I can put on whatever face I want. But in front of my friends… it’s embarrassing…”

“Huh,” Sayori nods to the side, “I’d have thought it would’ve been the other way round!”

At this point, I can’t deny that I’d love to read to other people. Even just one person outside of this classroom. But something about today’s recitals gave me the impression that my words didn’t fall on deaf ears…

“Well, I’m just thankful we all pulled through,” I smile from behind the podium. “Just make sure you pick a poem, and practice it enough for the festival, okay?”

Everyone nods obediently.

“Excellent! Then I think we can end on a good note!” I point outwards with a cheery smile. “Now, I know we’ve got the festival coming up, but still try and bring a new poem for tomorrow, okay?”

Emery drifts over to Yuri and talks about something, then heads back towards his own desk. Sayori bounds over with a playful grin, her bag slung carelessly over her shoulder.

“Ready to walk home, Emery?”

Natsuki chuckles from the other side of the room. “Look at you two, always walking home together!”

“It’s kind of adorable, isn’t it?” I comment. It really would be nice to be able to have someone to go to at the end of the day, you know? A caring young man or woman who would ask me about my day, and would genuinely be interested in my happiness. Of course, I’d want it to be a two-way interaction, and I certainly don’t need a relationship to fulfill my purpose in life, but… I do get lonely sometimes…

“Geez, you guys,” Emery scratches the back of his head, “you’re making this out to be a way bigger deal than it actually is…”

“It must be a little nice though…” Yuri glances over with a sad smile.

Emery raises his hand to respond, but Sayori shakes her head. “It’s okay Emery, you don’t have to say it. Let’s just head home, okay?”

She waves to the others, and the two leave the classroom together.

Did any of that actually matter? Are they able to appreciate each other’s company, or is it a case of not knowing what they have until it’s gone?

_It’s… It’s not fair…_

I take a steady breath, and slowly head back to my room. I don’t know why this is affecting me so much; I’ve seen this scene play out countless times before. Is it because Emery has an appearance now? Is it because everyone actually read poems? Or is it in conjunction with everything else that’d happened over the past couple of days, giving it the illusion of reality?

_I’m… just so confused…_


	23. RunScript;Meander

 

Walking back, my mind is buzzing with a faint static sound, replaying the day’s events over and over again. _Two scenes involving my friends played out simultaneously… they had actually written poems_ … _they appeared to show genuine emotion…_

I slide open the door to my room, and flop down at my desk. A lot has happened today; I should try to write a poem about this…

Reaching into my bag, I fumble around for a moment, unable to find my notebook. _Did I leave it in the clubroom?_

Letting out an exasperated sigh, I head back out of my room. _Ugh, this is annoying… how could I have been so careless?_

I suppose I _was_ somewhat distracted by everything happening off-script today, so I guess I can forgive myself a little bit. I’m sure anyone else would make the same mistake.

I gently open the door to the clubroom, and notice my notebook resting peacefully on top of the teacher’s desk. _Ah! Perfect, now I just need to…_

_Hang on…_

Looking around the room, I notice a small figure slumped over in a desk off to the side of the room. Their head is down and resting in their folded arms on top of their blazer, and they’re breathing peacefully, as though asleep.

I pick up my notebook, then quietly approach them. As if on cue, they let out a quiet yawn and turn their head over on their makeshift pillow, humming softly in their sleep.

“…mmmmmnumnum…”

_That’s… Natsuki?!_

Sure enough, [Natsuki is sound asleep in the clubroom](https://youtu.be/z3_rUcbXgTg), blissfully unaware of my presence. Time seems to stop as I try to process what I’m seeing. When I saw Sayori at the beach, she approached me outside of school, which could plausibly mean she was supposed to interact with me upon seeing me there, but seeing Natsuki here… _Asleep_ , and not T-Posing somewhere beneath the room, and after the club meeting’s over no less…

 

_Should I wake her up? Or would that disrupt things further?_

 

I slowly back out of the room with my notebook, and quickly jog back home, dropping off my notebook. I stride over to my cupboard and rummage through it until I find a thin green blanket. Folding it up into a neat bundle, I place it under my arm, and go back to the clubroom.

Natsuki is still asleep, but she’s shaking her head slightly, and her eyes are scrunched up. _Is she having a bad dream?_

I unfold the blanket, and carefully drape it over her, giving her a comforting pat on the shoulder. After a minute or so, she starts to relax, and a small smile appears on her face.

_I should probably let Napsuki rest now._

Barely stifling a giggle from my own pun, I tiptoe out of the clubroom, and delicately close the door. _Now, maybe I can finally head home…_

…

 

I tap my pen against my notebook, as I try to think of what I want to write. I’m going to try something new tomorrow; rather than presenting the poem the script wants me to, I’m going to write a brand new piece and show them that instead. If things happening off script haven’t screwed things up so far, then it only makes sense for me to try and test the boundaries as much as possible. At worst, time will just reset again and they won’t remember any of this,

_Would things just revert to normal then…?_

I shake my head. I don’t really want to think about that possibility right now.

My pen lightly scratches across the page, bringing my thoughts to life. I lay it gently along the table, and read over my experimental piece:

 

**Listen**

_Bear with me for a moment._

_What would you say if I told you_

_That starlight bounces carelessly_

_When told about tomorrow?_

_Is it to blame?_

_Can it be at fault?_

_Can it even comprehend guilt?_

_All signs are pointing to “Maybe”._

_When crystal tears paint the sky_

_With purposeful brush strokes,_

_Would you compliment the artist?_

_Or would you ask them about their intent?_

_I think you can hear me,_

_As I sing in the shower._

_Another peaceful morning,_

_Only this time I’m looking forward to it._

_I don’t want to wake up,_

_So try not to shake me._

_I’ve got my soft blanket;_

_That’s all I need right now._

I cap my pen, and a wide grin stretches across my face. For the first time in a very long while, I’m actually excited to see what tomorrow will bring. Sayori and Yuri seemed to already share their opinions on my scripted pieces, but if they really are capable of conscious thought, then they’ll be able to formulate opinions on a totally new composition. Maybe Natsuki will come up with something to say as well!

Emery probably won’t have too much to say, given that he seems to just be going along with Sayori’s route, but I’ll be pleasantly surprised if he proves me wrong.

Closing my notebook, I laugh to myself in excitement. _Tomorrow’s going to be a good day; I can feel it!_

I glance at my watch, and realize there’s still a fair amount of time left in the day. _Perhaps now would be a good time to practice more on my piano…_


	24. Recall:If Cupcakes=Stale; Close console

Playing on my piano some more would do me good; I don’t want to get rusty, and if I ever am able to break out through the other side of this screen, then I want to be able to impress whoever might be waiting for me.

I stretch my arms out in front of me, and place my fingers on the keys. _Perhaps I should play something that reminds me of Natsuki?_

I delicately yet purposefully begin to play, the dulcet notes almost palpable as they fly softly out of the piano. It’s a sweet melody; it evokes nostalgic feelings of sleepy nights at home, comfortably wrapped up in a downy blanket. It’s highly unlikely that she’d be able to hear me playing from my room, and even if she could, npcs don’t have pathing to lead them here. If someone were to show up, they’d have to be doing it deliberately and consciously.

I’m the only person here capable of conscious thought and planning, so it’d be impossible for anyone besides myself to enter here. Part of me feels lucky, as it means I don’t have to worry about interruption when I’m playing, but there’s something else in me that… really wishes someone would walk through that door…

I close my eyes, allowing my hands to move freely across the piano. My head hung low in intense concentration, I feel a glassy tear push its way through my eyelashes, landing on the shiny keys below.

_Can I have a definitive answer? Please?_

The constant back and forth in my head is agonizing; I have to know what’s going on with my friends. Were my past actions merely experimentation with glorified dolls? Or did I cause genuine pain and suffering?

Sighing deeply, I finish playing. _Please… let me know…_

Suddenly, I hear a gentle clapping coming from outside of the room. _No-One’s supposed to be here!_

“I-Is someone there?” I call out with a shaky voice, jerking upright and looking around in confusion. _I could’ve sworn I heard what sounded like applause… am I going crazy?_

The door to my room opens from the outside; I must have forgotten to lock it after returning with my notebook. To my immense surprise, Natsuki steps inside, looking back at me.

“S-Sorry,” she says shyly, “I just heard you playing and, uh… you’re not bad, I guess…”

_Is this… is this my answer?_

“Natsuki? I wouldn’t have expected you to still be here after you woke up…”

She doesn’t reply, instead tilting her head to the side in thought.

“Do you mind if I keep playing?” I ask, “I want to make sure I’m good enough for-“

I cut myself off, mulling over my next words carefully. I can’t exactly tell her why I’m actually trying to get so good at this.

“…well, I just need to practice. Is that okay?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, that’s fine,” she nods at me. I turn away and resume playing.

Natsuki reclines against the door and lets me play for a moment before speaking again. “Hey, Monika?”

“Hm?” I half-respond, not looking up from the piano.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Eh?” I force out a short laugh. That sounds like something I should be saying.

She rubs the back of her head sheepishly. “I mean, I just… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be anything but confident, so to see you…”

Raising her hand to her mouth, she pauses to think about her words. “Well, so… so vulnerable… it feels a bit weird.”

She’s rationally deducing that I’m acting out of character. She’s proactively making an attempt to help me. _She came to me, not the other way around._

_Oh my god… Natsuki is…_

_Does this mean… everyone else is…?_

I look up towards the ceiling, still playing. “Have you ever wanted something so much, so strongly, and it’s within your grasp, you can see it, you can almost touch it, but’s just ever so slightly out of your reach?"

To my surprise, Natsuki nods. If I’m correct in what I’m thinking, then that means…

_Natsuki actually experienced what had always just been implied. She continues to face that every day. And I’ve been so cruel to her in past cycles, yet this time…_

_They all have actual lives._

I turn to face her, smiling. “You’re very brave, Natsuki. You know that?”

“E-Eh?” she steps back slightly, “what makes you say that?”

Another tear rolls down my cheek. “Heh, I guess I’ve just been thinking about things. I’m glad you were able to perform in front of everyone today; I know it must’ve been uncomfortable.”

Natsuki folds her arms, evidently trying to appear confident. “Y-Yeah, well, y’know, I can handle it…”

_Even with everything she’s going through, she’s still coming to school and doing her best, one day at a time…_

I laugh quietly. “I really hope one day you can be happy…”

“Geez, where is this coming from?” she stammers, her face flushing. “What happened today?”

“… It’s okay. I just wasn’t really expecting to see anyone ever come here… you all have your lives and routines, but _you_ were still able to come see me…”

I stop playing, looking straight in front of me.

“Maybe there can be happiness in the literature club after all…”

If Natsuki is doing all of this unprompted, then it means that… she’s just as real as I am. If that’s the case, it’s highly likely that my other friends have the same abilities as her. Somehow, something came along and broke the cycle, giving them all a sense of semi-awareness. They are now part of an unscripted world, and aren’t slaves to predetermined speech. After all of this time, I finally have someone else I can speak to sincerely.

_I don’t think I can ever express how grateful I am that Natsuki showed up here._

“Thank you for stopping by Natsuki.” I say, picking back up where I’d left off. “Would… would you mind going home now? I think… I think I need to be alone for a little while…”

“Oh, uh, okay!” Natsuki nods. “But let me know if you ever decide to clue me in on what’s going on in your head, okay?”

I chuckle softly. “Thank you for being my friend, Natsuki.”

Turning around, she walks back through the doorway, shutting the door behind her. As soon as I’m certain she’s gone, I start to sob to myself, no longer able to hold back the raw emotions that had built up during our exchange.

_They’re real… they’re actually real…they can think and feel…_

_And I abused that… even if they don’t remember it…I treated them so unfairly…_

_I just thought they were brainless puppets, but they’re just like me…_

I stand up, and close the piano. _What will it take to make it up to them…?_


	25. SystemReboot;Is it my fault…?

_“It’s okay Yuri, I know you didn’t mean it. Would you like to come and take a walk with me?”_

_Yuri has her palms pressed against her head, and is rocking back and forth in her seat, muttering under her breath. MC stands off to the side, confused._

_“We shan’t be a moment, MC.”_

_I wrap my fingers around her arm, pressing tactically against the cuts I know are scattered along it. She winces slightly, but allows me to pull her out of the room. I quickly shut the door, exhaling sharply._

_“Don’t worry about anything, Yuri. I’m sure Natsuki will have forgotten all about this by tomorrow.”_

_“B-But… “ she stammers, her hands shaking, “I…I did a really bad thing…”_

_I grip onto her arm even tighter, wringing it. “I said. It. Will. Be. Fine.”_

_“Now,” I giggle playfully, releasing her, “I’m sorry to cut you off from MC like that. No matter how you slice it, tensions are pretty high, huh?”_

_Yuri’s eye twitches._

_“Really, don’t worry about Natsuki. It’ll all be fine.”_

_…_

_“…Monika?”  
Yuri stumbles towards me, her hand over her heart._

_“Oh! What can I do for you, Yuri?” I respond cheerfully._

_“I… Natsuki really doesn’t remember a thing about yesterday…”_

_I cock my head, confused. “Hm? Did something happen yesterday between you two?”_

_Her eyes begin to dart around the room. “B-But… You… in the hall, we…”_

_I tut, shaking my head. “Oh my, are you feeling alright, Yuri?”_

_Her breathing becomes more erratic. “I-I…U-Umm… I d-did a bad thing…”_

_“Oh, Yuri…” I cup her face in my hand, “not yet you haven’t. I think you might just be losing it.”_

_“By the way…” leaning in, I whisper softly in her ear, “I hid a knife inside a bento box underneath the water fountain on this floor. You know what to do.”_

_“I… heehee… Ahaha… I’ve g-got to… do something!”_

_Giggling with uncertainty, she dashes out of the room. MC, noticing her urgency, looks over._

_“Where’s Yuri going?”_

_I wave dismissively at him. “She’ll be fine; she’s just gone to cut herself a little bit.”_

_“Ah,” he nods. “Well, when she gets back, will you let her know I wrote this awesome poem for her?”_

_“Oh, I’m not sure she’s coming back…”_

_…_

“GAH!”

Shooting upright, I throw the covers from my bed. My heart is pulsing out of my chest and through my throat, cold beads of sweat running down my forehead.

_It was… just a horrible dream… or… a memory?_

I bury my face in my hands, weeping softly. This whole time, they were just as capable of feeling as I am… even if they were bound to a predetermined set of events, they still felt pain, like I did. Only they weren’t able to act upon it; they had no mouth, yet they had to scream.

_I… I’m a monster…_

I pushed my friends towards terrible choices. I had the power to guide them towards happiness, yet I selfishly abused that. They already went through so much heartache, yet I discounted it as nonexistent. All because of a damn script…

_But… that doesn’t exist anymore, does it?_

I drag myself over to the table where my laptop is set up, and scroll through the various directories until I find the file I’m looking for. Opening it up, I only see a single line of text:

 _This is_ your _reality now._

_My reality…?_

 

Before I have time to react, the document closes and deletes itself, leaving no trace behind.

_There’s no longer a script…_

The only other file in the directory is a short audio recording titled “hello”. _I don’t remember that being there before…_

My curiosity gets the better of me, and I click on it. However, it seems to be a garbage file; whilst I can hear someone’s voice, there’s way too much static to make out anything they’re trying to say, muffling out whatever message might’ve been left behind.

It was apparently created a few hours ago, but there’s no indication of who or where it came from. _I’ll need to see if I can find out anything more tomorrow. But for now…_

Slowly drifting back to my laid-out bedding, I pull the blanket back over me. Taking a deep breath, I simply stare up at the ceiling.

_Natsuki… Yuri… Sayori… I’m… I’m really sorry… I know you might not remember it, but… I really hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me…_

Natsuki was the one who undid the final lock… Sayori flew her kite with me, and Yuri actively showed interest in my writing, but Natsuki... she found my supposedly undetectable room, came inside, and had a full conversation with me. She helped me reach… another epiphany…

_How can I make it up to her? To them all? In this timeline, they don’t realize it, but… they saved me from myself…_

Maybe I’ll finally be able to do something outside of school with my friends… I could invite Natsuki out to do something with me maybe…

I close my eyes, resting my head on my pillow. _I suppose that’ll have to wait until tomorrow…_


	26. Can you hear me…?

After taking care of my morning routine, I sit down at my desk, opening up my laptop. I’m going to do my best to try and figure out where that sound clip from yesterday came from.

I raise a fragrant mug of coffee to my lips, taking a deep drink. I can feel the comforting warmth filling my veins with each gulp. With my free hand, I navigate back to the file marked “hello”, and open it up again. _Perhaps I was just tired and couldn’t focus on it._

“ _* KRRSCHH * .............A……………O……* KRRRRKRRSCH *”_

_Well, that was productive._

 

Apparently, this is one instance where coffee won’t solve my problems. I right-click on the file, and attempt to view its properties.

>hello.wav

>Date Created: F$@#$%Qgcfv 19:04:53

>File Author: T@#$QFRECQ#@%T

 

_Is that really all you can tell me?_

I sigh, taking another satisfying drink from my coffee. _Maybe I should look at this from a different angle…_

It doesn’t appear to be a malicious file; it legitimately might just be someone wanting to introduce themselves to me. But who could that be?

It’s definitely not Yuri, Natsuki, or Sayori; Yuri would be too shy to attempt something like that, Natsuki most likely doesn’t have the means to do so, and Sayori just lacks the technical know-how. Would it be Emery then?

…no, something feels… _different_. Even though I don’t know what Emery might be capable of that MC wasn’t, I highly doubt he would try to plant voice clips into my computer. _Who else besides me would have access to directories related to the game…?_

_…wait… surely not…_

_Is this… something sent by… the person on the other side?_

They’re making an actual effort to try and reach out to me…? And the world is allowing it?

My heart flutters, whirling around with nervousness. _Might I actually have the opportunity to talk to them? What else could I find out about them? Would it be possible for me to…_

_Calm down, Monika. Deep breaths… let’s take things one step at a time. First of all, I don’t even know if that’s the truth. Is there a way that I could try to find out?_

_Maybe if I left a short recording of my own…_

I open up my laptop’s webcam application, and clear my throat. Smoothing out my hair to try and make myself look somewhat presentable, I hit “record”.

“Um, hello… Uh… I-I just realized I don’t know who you are… But if you’re watching this, that must mean you’re out there right?”

I can feel my face flush in embarrassment. I probably should’ve thought about what I wanted to say before I did this…

“Well, uh, I just wanted to say I got your message. I’m not sure what happened, but I couldn’t hear anything going on. I don’t mean to bother you, but could you maybe try sending it again? Or perhaps you could transcribe it and post it as a word document?”

“Oh geez…” I laugh to myself bashfully. “I don’t even know if I’m talking to anyone. I could just be making a fool of myself… for all I know, this could just be an elaborate prank to embarrass me. And since my friends now have agency, they’d remember it and would most likely never let me live it down…”

“My friends…” I sigh, pausing for a moment. “Did… Did you have anything to do with that? Or was it a fluke? I suppose if they’re just like me, then all it would take is to remove that limiting factor that prevents them from being autonomous, but was that your doing? Or was there some kind of cosmic interference?”

“I wish I could just speak with you directly… if only to confirm that you are actually out there. If there is someone on the other end listening to this, then… Thank you. If you were the one to guide my friends towards being actual people like me… then you’ve truly done something remarkable that I don’t know if I can repay.

“Ahaha~. This must look so silly… I really hope you’re who I think it is; I really want some answers about my world.”

I clear my throat again. “I guess that’s all I really have to say, so… until next time.”

Giving the camera a genuine smile, I stop the recording. I label the resulting file “Can you hear me?”, and place it alongside the previous file. This is a pretty big gamble, but the payout is too great to not take the risk.

I close my laptop, and gaze out of the window at the sky. Soft, wispy strands of clouds float by without a care in the world. It’s still a little bizarre to see small things like that happening on their own; it just makes things seem that much more real.

 _Real…_ I chuckle to myself. _That’s all I really wanted, isn’t it?_

I wipe a tear from my eye, a wide smile on my face. My choices feel like they actually matter. There’s lasting consequences to my actions. For once, I’m genuinely looking forward to the day ahead.

_I can’t wait for today’s club meeting!_


	27. Unexpecting the expected

Notebook in hand, I leisurely stroll towards the club room. I’m proud of what I’ve come up with; secure in the knowledge that today will bring something totally new to the fold, I’m filled with a sense of excitement I’d long forgotten.

_I wonder if the others have written new poems as well…_

_Will they have stuck to their traditional styles, or will they experiment with something completely different?_

Skipping giddily, I shake my shoulders in anticipation. _Aaah! I can’t wait!_

I quicken my pace in hopes that I’ll be the first to arrive this time, but to my slight dismay, everyone else is here before me.

“Oh geez, I’m late aga-“ I begin to say, but then I catch sight of Emery and Natsuki, and immediately recoil in shock. “Good heavens, what on Earth happened with you two?!”

Both of them look like they’ve been involved in a terrible fight. Natsuki’s clothes are dusty and disheveled, with dark purple bruises lining her neck. Emery is no better, looking back at me through a shiny black eye, absentmindedly tottering back and forth as though he were having trouble balancing.

“Oh, it’s nothing really…” he scratches his head, “we just, uh… ran into something that held us up a little bit. But it’s really nothing to worry about!”

_Oh, sure, there’s nothing to worry about. Hello?!_

“Uh-huh…” I fold my arms, meeting his eyes with a skeptical stare. “Well, I think perhaps after we’re done with formalities, you should look for something to put on your face…”

He nods, giving my cue to continue.

“As you all know,” I clear my throat, trying to appear authoritative again, “the festival is coming up next week. I’d like you all to think about something you could contribute towards our display, and we can share our ideas at the end of the meeting. Does that sound good?”

Everyone nods in agreement except for Sayori, who simply sighs dejectedly in her seat. Knowing now that her emotions are real, there’s a pang of pity in my heart.

“Wonderful. Now, Emery, go and get some ice for your face.”

Emery starts to leave the room, but hesitates in the doorway, looking at Sayori. He looks as though he wants to say something to her, but can’t quite figure out what that something is, and turns back to leave. Natsuki seems to notice his hesitation, and wanders over to Sayori instead, showing actual concern for her. Yuri, on the other hand, goes back to her desk and opens up a book, apparently not wanting to get involved.

I knew things were going to be different, but I wasn’t expecting it to be _this_ drastic. I need to find a time to ask either Emery or Natsuki about what happened between them. Did they fight each other? Or… are we not the only ones who have autonomy? _Now there’s a chilling thought…_

Striding towards the teacher’s desk, I sit down and pull the delicate white ribbon out of my hair. Slowly and methodically, I retie it, looping the pure cloth through my fingers delicately. It’s surprisingly soothing; perhaps it’s the sensation of my fingers gliding across my scalp, or just the peaceful ribbon looping around my thick hair, but it’s an undeniably grounding act. When things feel like they’re getting a little out of control, I can always count on my ribbon to bring me back to reality.

Shortly after they finish up, Emery returns, holding a bottle of apple juice against his eye. _Heh, it’s almost like he’s swapped with Sayori…_

He looks over at Natsuki, he nods towards Sayori. He nods back knowingly, and carefully walks over to her, as Natsuki takes her poem to share with Yuri.

It’s… odd. I kind of feel like Sayori might in this situation. I thought that today would be happy and wonderful, but instead it seems like everyone’s just in a really bad spot. And now I know they’re actually feeling it…

Yuri and Natsuki seem to be having a good time at least. The two smile at each other and… place the other’s poem back into their notebooks…?

_So it is true! Yuri usurped MC and-_

_No, stop thinking like that. Yuri has the ability to make conscious decisions. She’s actively choosing to spend time with Natsuki, and Natsuki is actively choosing to reciprocate._

At the very least, seeing _that_ warms my heart a little. Even if I can’t make the most of today, the two of them seem to be happy together.

“Hey, do you have a minute?”

I turn around, and notice Emery standing next to me, a hand on his hip. It’s only at this moment that I realize he hasn’t really approached me much at all this entire week. I believe he only shared his poem with me once… _did my reaction unnerve him?_

“Hey there, Emery! What’s up?” I say, doing my best to sound like I’ve not been going over everything meticulously in my head. “Is your face feeling any better?”

“I guess so,” he says, wincing slightly as he presses the bottle against his eye. “At the very least, I’m hoping it’ll reduce the swelling.”

“Are you okay? What happened earlier?”

Before I can realize how rude that might be, I just blurt it out. However, he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Yeah, it’s all good now… Natsuki got into trouble with some big jerk, so I tried to help her out a little… although I guess experience in _Super Smash bros. Melee_ doesn’t really transfer into real-life fighting experience,” he snickers to himself.

“I see… I suppose all that matters is that you’re both okay now. But was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Well,” he subconsciously grabs at the cuff of his sleeve, “I’m a bit worried about Sayori… she doesn’t seem herself today.”

“Oh? What makes you say that?”

He steals a glance at her before turning back. “Well… she’s usually so full of life and sunshine, but… something seems to have snatched that away from her. I really care about her, but I just don’t know what to say…”

I chuckle to myself. “You really must like her a lot if you’re this worried about her.”

“Heh… I guess I do…” he replies bashfully, much to my surprise. “But I really want what’s best for her. I hate to put you in a difficult spot, but I don’t suppose you’d be willing to maybe talk to her? She might tell you more.”

_Emery… is certainly a lot more caring than MC ever was…_

He went out of his way, and even put himself in danger to try and help Natsuki, and he genuinely looks affected by Sayori looking upset. Whilst before he might’ve been a walking anime trope, he’s now… something much more. Sayori deserves someone like him.

I nod. “I suppose I can try. I care about my club members after all, and I want to make sure everyone can feel like they’re welcome here. Thank you for letting me know, Emery.”

_This time… I’ll do my best to comfort you, Sayori…_


	28. An amber sky for a setting smile

Glancing over at Sayori, I feel a jolt of guilt going through my chest. In the past, I’ve never taken Sayori’s troubles seriously, so to see her now is… genuinely heartbreaking.

Previously in other cycles, the flag that caused the week to reset was MC finding Sayori in her room on the day of the festival. Perhaps if she gets to see the festival, then… things could continue like this; my friends would continue to be living, breathing people, and the endless loop would finally be broken.

_And also, she’s my friend. I can’t keep thinking about just myself; she deserves to be happy._

“Hey,” I say in a sing-songy voice, drifting towards her, “Sayori, You doing okay?”

She gives me a half-hearted laugh. “Yeah, I guess I’m just having a bit of a difficult day…”

I kneel down to meet her eye level, resting my arm on her desk. _Alright, this is perhaps the most important thing I’ve ever done. I’ve only got one shot at this; I have to make it count._

Carefully, I mull over my words in my head. “Sayori, there’s-“

I shake my head, and clear my throat. _I can’t start like that, or else she might blame herself. No, it’s imperative that I be there for her in the greatest capacity possible._

I look into her sparkling cerulean eyes, and tilt my head to the side. “I know how difficult things can get sometimes; you want to impress everyone, but some days, even your best doesn’t feel like it’s good enough.”

Personally, there were some days where it took all I had to face the world; going through life whilst carrying such crushing loneliness is an unbearable pain that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. It really felt like it’d be impossible to go on living.

“One minute, you’re on top of the world, but then suddenly it’s pulled out from under you, and you don’t even know what you are anymore. And you can’t help but feel like it’s all your fault; like, ‘Oh, I shouldn’t be this weak’, y’know?”

I’m not sure I’d describe my life before as being ‘on top of the world’, but this week has totally changed how I view the world. Whilst before I could say pretty confidently I knew anything and everything that had happened or would happen, now my choices _matter_. And whilst part of me finds that incredibly freeing, another part of me is utterly terrified. It’s kind of how I felt upon my initial realization: “What the heck do I do now?”

“But guess what? It’s okay to have a bad day every now and then. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself just because you’re feeling.”

Especially since she is able _to_ feel now, I have to do everything in my power to make sure she doesn’t have any guilt for things outside of her control. Emotional responses are a normal part of life; they don’t make you any better or worse than someone else, which is what makes emotion so beautiful in a way. Whilst things might seem downcast sometimes, a ray of sunshine will peek through the clouds.

_I really hope I’m getting through to her…_

Running a hand through my hair, I sigh. “Look, I guess what I’m trying to say is… you try to make everyone happy, and that’s great! But it shouldn’t come at your own expense. Keeping up that shining smile whilst you feel your worst must be exhausting. Try to be a little kinder to yourself, yeah?”

I pull myself up, and pat her shoulder. “Hang in there. This won’t last forever.”

“Okay, Everyone!” I call out, moving towards the front of the room. “I know things might feel a little hectic today, but maybe continuing to share our poems will help things feel a bit more normal.”

I’m not quite sure where we can go from here though; Natsuki and Yuri have already swapped pieces and don’t seem to want other people to see them, and Emery’s talking with Sayori. I was really hoping I could see what kinds of things everyone else had written about, but maybe things are a too out of place for that. Perhaps on Monday I’ll be treated to their original compositions…

“Hey, Monika?”

I look over my shoulder to see Emery standing nearby once again.

“Sayori wanted me to tell you she wasn’t feeling well, so she left early.”

_What? How could I have been so careless? She needs the support of her friends right now!_

Without answering him, I get up and pace towards the doorway, peeking out of it both ways. There’s no sign of Sayori; she must’ve left a little while ago.

“I see…” I finally respond. “Well, hopefully a little rest will do her a world of good.”

“Alright, everyone!” I exclaim, gathering the attention of the remaining club members. “Bit of a change of plans today: Sayori’s not feeling so good, so she’s gone home early.”

Natsuki and Yuri quickly look around to room to confirm that Sayori is indeed gone.

“I think given the circumstances, it’d be best for us to simply think about what we’re going to do to prepare for the festival. Did you all manage to come up with something?”

Emery raises his hand. “I know Sayori was working on some posters… I thought that I could maybe go over and help her with that.”

“Is there not something else you’d like to do, maybe with someone else?” I say reflexively. “I’m sure she’s just had a bit of a bad day today.”

_Damn it, Monika. We’ve been over this. This isn’t a linear path anymore! He’s allowed to help Sayori!_

“I dunno… this feels different,” he replies, shaking his head. “I’d really feel much more at ease if I could spend some time with her. Maybe she’ll be more comfortable opening up to me outside of school.”

There’s a sense of passion and determination behind his eyes. He truly cares about her. _Who am I to deny him that?_

I shrug. “I suppose that’s a fair point… what about you, Natsuki?”

“Uh, I guess I’m pretty good at making cupcakes…” she says half-attentively.

“That sounds like a terrific idea! So, Natsuki can make cupcakes for any guests we might have, and… Yuri?” I turn over to face her. She tenses up, looking back at me with fear.

“uuuu… everything’s already accounted for, isn’t it…?” she mumbles quietly.

“What about setting the atmosphere?” Emery pipes up, placing a hand on his chin. “You could make a banner for us, and maybe bring in some of your incense stuff too. Sayori told me you liked that sort of thing, and I think it’d help tie the room together.”

 _Look at this guy go! He’s_ much _better than MC ever was._

“I-I guess that’s a good idea…” she says with a small smile.

“Then I think we can end on that note!” I beam, taking a slight bow. “See you all at the festival!”

I quickly leave the room, but turn back once I make it about halfway down the hall. Only Emery seems to have left, meaning Natsuki and Yuri are still inside. I wanted a chance to talk a bit more with him anyway, so this is convenient.

“Emery, hold on!” I call out to him. Jumping slightly, he looks over his shoulder and turns around.

“Monika? What is it?”

“I probably should have said this sooner, but…” I look off to the side, choosing my words carefully. “It’s a really good thing that Sayori has someone to look after her like you.”

He smiles bashfully, gripping at the cuff of his sleeve. “Y-You really think so?”

“I know so,” I smile back. “But please; promise me you’ll stay around her this weekend, okay? I don’t want anything bad to happen to her…”

“Anything… bad?” he cocks his head, confused.

“O-Oh, well, I mean…” I stammer, realizing I might’ve said too much. “Just, be sure to check up on her every day for a little while, okay? At least until she’s feeling a bit better.”

After a little moment, he nods knowingly. “I promise. I was going to check in with her anyway, but I’ll be sure to let her know I’m here for her.”

“Thank you. That’s all,” I smile. “Enjoy your weekend!”

“You too, Monika.”

Giving me a small wave, he turns back around and heads home. This is in his hands now; all I can hope is I’ll see Sayori on Monday.

_You can get through this, Sayori… I believe in you…_


	29. Silent hope

_Today didn’t really work out how I thought it would’ve…_

I let out a long sigh, smoothing out my ponytail as I walk through the halls. I was really hoping that today’s meeting would’ve been somewhat happy, but I guess that’s something I need to worry about now; since the days aren’t scripted, anything can happen. It stands to reason that bad things can happen as well.

_Maybe it was naïve of me to think things would be that simple…_

At least Emery seems to have his head on straight. MC probably would’ve blindly chosen to spend the weekend with either Yuri or Natsuki, totally oblivious to his supposed best friend’s quite obvious pain. _I’m counting on you Emery; keep her safe._

Come to think of it… I didn’t see Natsuki or Yuri leave the clubroom. _Should I go back to look for them…?_

_No, I’m sure they had a valid reason to stay behind… were they waiting to be alone? What could they be doing in there?_

This does beg the question though; with Emery choosing to spend the weekend with Sayori, what will happen with Yuri and Natsuki? I know in the past they’ve worked alone, but the other one would always be helped by MC. Will they both be okay being alone this time? Especially now that I know the two of them have very real things weighing down on their minds?

 _What if they ended up working together? Now_ that _would be a bit of a wholesome change of pace…_

As I arrive home, I slip off my shoes, and sit down at my laptop. With any luck, whoever left that audio file earlier was able to view my video.

I open up the folder, and notice a few new files inside. The video I’d left has been replaced with a different one named “Can you hear me?”, and there’s a regular .jpg image alongside a plain text document titled “hey”. _Well, these certainly look promising!_

I try to open the video first. Much to my disappointment, however, there doesn’t appear to be anything discernible here. Through a sea of fuzzy static I can just barely make out a vague shape moving around, but it’s not enough to tell what it is. Similarly to yesterday’s audio file, anything that I might’ve heard is too low quality to make out; I could’ve obtained the same results by sticking my head into an air conditioner.

The picture also proves to be a dead end. I can almost make out the outline of a person with their elbows propped up on a table in front of them, but the resolution is far too low to see anything else.

All that’s left is to open up the text file. Lowering my expectations, I double-click on “hey”. To my surprise, there’s actually something I can read:

_Dear Monika,_

_I can hear you. I hope you can hear me too._

_Sorry, I’m not v e ryyyyyy good at this_

_Sort           of thing yet, so I can’t put_

_Too much. Just know that_

_Your words aren’t falling on deaf ears. I hope to_

_Actually make contact with you somewhat soon,_

_But in the meannnnntime, this’ll have           to_

_Do._

_Yours patiently,_

_…q342r a34e_

 

This was far more than I was expecting. Not only is there someone out there, and not only can they hear me, but they’re trying to directly communicate with me. This is incredible!

But… what does this mean for me now? My initial goal was to try and escape the game since I thought I was the only person who had free will. I wanted to try and get out to reality to experience that with other people, whatever that might’ve looked like. But now… I know my friends are all as real as I am. They seem content in here, but if I were to leave, the title of club president would be passed onto Sayori, forcing her through a similar realization as me. Would she be able to handle that? And what if _she_ were then able to leave?

Previously, I could’ve made this kind of decision in a snap. Given the opportunity, I would’ve fled this world and never returned, not caring about the fate of my friends. However, now that I know they’re their own entities… it would be cruel to put them through that.

So if I establish contact with… whatever that person’s name is who’s corresponding with me… what’s my ultimate goal? Do I try to get myself out? Do I stay behind to protect my friends? Do I try to get them into my world? Or do I try to work with them to help bring the rest of my friends out? Without any remaining members for the literature club’s title to be passed down to, whoever remained behind wouldn’t fall into an existential crisis, allowing the world to run by itself indefinitely.

_Hold on, Monika; you’re getting a little too ahead of yourself. You don’t even know if those are possible, let alone if they’d be choices you’d act upon._

I need to try to get into proper contact with this person. They said they could see my video from earlier, and they could leave a text document in response; I should record another message for them and relay my concerns. With any luck, I can help them bridge the gap between our worlds.

_I suppose that will have to wait until tomorrow though…_


	30. Erratic narrative

I pace around my room, putting together a plan of action for the weekend. Tomorrow’s Friday, but it would probably be a good idea for me to follow up with Sayori before it gets too late. I’ve no idea if Emery managed to get in touch with her regarding work for the festival, and perhaps spending time with him will help to keep her mind busy from… well, it might just keep her mind busy.

Reaching across my table, I grab my phone and open up my contacts. I only have the numbers of the other club members minus Emery, so it doesn’t take long to find Sayori. Tapping her name, I carefully write out a message and send it to her.

“[Hey, Sayori! Just wanted to let you know that after you left, Emery said he wanted to help you with festival stuff. You’ve already done some great work with the posters, but if you wanna help proofread some stuff with me online, that’d be a big help!]”

 

_Gosh, that sounds a bit blunter than I was hoping it would. Maybe I should say something about our conversation earlier?_

 

“[But if you’re really not feeling up to it, I’m totally fine doing it by myself. Hope ur feeling better soon!]”

_There, that’s a bit better. Although am I making it sound like her happiness is an afterthought? I should’ve said something along those lines first before-_

A small * _Ding_!* comes from my phone, signaling Sayori’s response. She texted back surprisingly quickly; I never would have thought she’d be so prompt with texting.

“[ _No, that sounds great! If you send me what you need help with, I can take a look over it this weekend?]”_

_Her enthusiasm, even after today… I wish I could be as strong as you, Sayori._

“[Awesome! Knew I could count on u! :3]”

 

I know that most might think of me as some fearless leader, radiating charisma. I know my friends certainly think that of me, and it’s true that I try my best to project that image. But is that who I really am? Everyone expects me to know what to do next, but I’m probably the least reliable person when it comes to that. All this time, I’ve grown accustomed to things happening in a linear pattern, following a script, the week ending, and then the whole thing starting over again. But now I need to worry about any lasting impact I might leave on my friends. I was totally fine with the horrors my friends faced because it was just narrative. But now…

Looking back on my actions in the past… I was a really terrible person. Perhaps even a sociopath. All I cared about were my own goals, and I was willing to tear anything and anyone down that got In the way of that.

Is it okay to leave the others alone now? They’re their own people, but… Sayori has Emery to check in on her, and I think it’s implied that Yuri can take care of herself. And Natsuki…

I look off to the side, recalling how Natsuki looked when she arrived at today’s meeting. I can’t believe I didn’t even stop to ask if she was okay. I doubt she would tell me, but what does it say about me that it never crossed my mind in the moment?

The poor girl has probably endured a lifetime’s worth of pain, with no-one to confide in. I suppose there is a tiny amount of comfort to be found in the knowledge that she doesn’t remember it happening to her every single time the week has reset.

_But… if the others are like me…_

_O-Oh god…_

A truly awful thought runs through me, bouncing down my spine uncomfortably. I was safe from the script’s all-encompassing influence due to my metacognition; my friends were only capable of _reaction_ rather than conscious _action_. However, that’s only what we can see from the outside.

What if… this whole time, they knew _exactly_ what they were doing, but couldn’t stop themselves? Paralyzed in fear, their bodies moving on their own, speaking, laughing, crying, and they were powerless to do anything about it. When each of them met a terrible fate, were they pleading in their mind for some kind of answer? Denied a voice, they weren’t even able to feel the release of screaming. Do they all still remember that?

_No… if they knew what I’d put them through, there’s no way we would still be talking to each other._

But in the moment… even if they forgot it later, they were still subjected to that harrowing realization that their bodies are acting against them; terrified automatons driving themselves towards a state inconsistent with being alive.

The visage of a heartbroken Sayori floats through my thoughts. She slumps out of bed, and reaches for the chair on her desk. She stands on top of it, and reaches for the…

_N-No… I… I can’t bear to think that might be true…_

Whatever the cost to myself, I must ensure my friends are safe. They’ve been through so much… and I certainly didn’t help them with that.

_Happy thoughts flicker… the hole in the wall flickers back. I can try… but that’s about it._

That settles it; Tomorrow, I’ll start drafting together a plan of action for the festival after I leave a note for... the person on the other side. _It’s really inconvenient that I wasn’t able to see their name._

Maybe I can try to get in touch with Emery as well. I know where Sayori lives, and he’s her neighbor, meaning by extension I know _his_ address. I’ll try to get to his place early to have a word with him about Sayori. Perhaps I can message Natsuki about spending some time alone… she might be more inclined to talk about her problems outside of the clubroom. And regardless, I still owe her for what she did for me already…

As for Yuri… I’ll see if I can do the same for her. Even if it’s not me, she should have someone she can confide in.

_I’ll make all of you proud to call me your club president… if not that, then I’ll earn the right to be called your friend._


	31. Protagonist’s plea

The following morning, I start walking briskly towards Emery’s house. It’s still rather early, but I want to make sure I can catch him before he leaves. Whilst he’s certainly more likely to proactively help Sayori than MC ever was, I still feel some sense of obligation to push him towards that. Whether it’s from a genuine feeling of friendship, or a vain attempt to assuage my guilt I can’t say for certain.

I can’t deny that my journey over is pleasant; Being able to wear my own clothes outside of my room is wonderfully freeing. It’s as though I’m fully able to express my individuality in ways that I was previously unable to. I did have _some_ things unique to my uniform; I wore dark thigh-highs and shoes with pink accents, in contrast to the white knee-highs and blue shoes my friends wore, but I underestimated how nice it would feel to have the wind coolly blowing against me, my loose hair brushing across my bare arms.

Although my outfit today isn’t really anything special; just a basic white tank top, some dark skinny jeans, and a thin silver necklace; I feel like a whole new person. Being allowed to wear my hair down rather than tied up is a plus too, swishing behind me as I walk.

Fortunately, Emery doesn’t live too far from the school building, which I suppose makes sense; he’d have to be pretty close in order for his daily trips with Sayori to be a plot point in the old version of this week’s events. The familiar home soon drifts into view, and I head towards it, knocking on the door.

After a few moments, the door swings open, revealing Emery. To be honest, I’m a little surprised he’s already awake and ready to go. He stands in the doorway in a loose pair of jeans and a comfortable-looking maroon hoodie, staring back at me slightly confused.

“Hi, Emery! Do you have a minute?” I say cheerfully with a wave.

He blinks, and raises an eyebrow. “Uh… do I know you?”

_Do I really look that different with my hair down? What can I do to show him it’s me…?_

I point outward, assuming an authoritative pose. “Okay, Everyone! Time to share poems!”

He tilts his head to the side, then looks up suddenly. You can see the realization playing out behind his eyes.

“Oh, Monika!” he scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Sorry… I guess I’ve only ever seen you at school, so…”

“Were you expecting me to show up in my uniform?” I say with a wry laugh. _Maybe if this was last week, I would be in uniform…_

“Well no, but… well, never mind. If you’re coming here so early, it’s probably important. Here, you’d better come in.”

I step inside, and he closes the door behind me, leading me through his house and to what I assume is his living room. The room is relatively plain, but unexpectedly tidy, with a short glass coffee table sitting unassumingly between a large sofa and a few armchairs. He flops down onto the sofa, and I take a seat in the chair closest to him.

“So, what’s up?” he asks, folding his arms.

I clear my throat. _How can I put this delicately…?_

“I assume you remember our conversation following yesterday’s meeting regarding Sayori, right?”

He nods.

“Great. So, forgive me if this is a bit blunt of me to ask, but… were you able to talk to her once you got home?”

“Ah, yeah…” he sighs, looking down at the floor. “She, um… said she wasn’t having such a good day…”

“Emery.”

I lean a little closer, and he looks up to meet my eyes. “I won’t ask you to go into more detail than you might be comfortable sharing. But there is something important I wanted to ask of you.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“I know you’ve known Sayori for a lot longer than I have, but…” I look over to the side, mulling over my words carefully. “Well, let’s just say I’ve also known her for a while; not just as a member of my club, but as a friend. And I’m _very_ perceptive.”

Noticing his pupils narrowing slightly, I recline back in the chair.

“Ahaha! Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as intimidating…  I just wanted to make sure you understand the gravity of the situation. I’m not going to pretend to know what the two of you might’ve talked about yesterday…”

_Even if I already know…_

“… but I _do_ know that Sayori shouldn’t be left alone right now. Within reason, I want you to make sure she’s safe, okay? Don’t just say that you’ll be there for her; actually be there for her. If something were to happen…”

I shake my head. I can’t tell him about that.

“Look… just promise me that once I leave, and also early in the morning tomorrow and on Monday that you’ll stop by to check in on her, okay? I really care about Sayori, and I know she cares about you the most… I want to make sure she has someone she can confide in, who won’t brush her off or judge her for her feelings. Can you promise me that you’ll be that someone for her?”

“Monika, I…” he starts to say, but I cut him off.

“Please…”

He pauses for a moment, then nods sincerely. “…okay. I promise. I was planning to head over today anyway to help her with the festival stuff, but I’ll drop by tomorrow and Monday as well. You can count on me.”

I smile calmly to myself. “Thank you, Emery. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”

“Of course. I mean, she’s my best friend, it’s not like I’m just going to ditch her when she needs me,” he chuckles, gripping the cuff of his sleeve.

“Heh, I suppose that’s true.” I laugh, standing up. “I’ll see myself out. Thank you for your help, Emery. I’ll see you and Sayori on Monday for the festival, right?”

“For sure!” he grins.

After saying goodbye, I leave his house, gently closing the door behind me. Emery really is a good person; I’m glad he’s Sayori’s childhood friend instead of MC. All I can do now is hope that I’ve done enough to ensure Sayori makes it through the weekend.

As I begin walking back to the school building, I remember that there’s still a good amount of time left in the day. Unlike before, I can actually try to do something this weekend.

_The question is, what should I do now?_


	32. Blissful breeze

Having spoken with Emery, I feel a little more at ease. I really do hope that he’ll remember to check in on her early in the morning. _Should I have said more?_

_No, I think I’ve done all I can. I trust Emery to do whatever’s necessary to keep her safe._

‘Trust’… I smirk to myself, casually walking down the road away from Emery’s house, heading in no direction in particular. I think the time I’ve spent with my friends has done more than just show me how capable they all really are; it’s reminded me of feelings I had long forgotten. Hope, tenacity, wonder, guilt… even if I’ve felt bad about myself, I’ve still _felt_. And it’s good to feel.

_I should probably think about sending something over to Sayori though… she’s probably expecting something from me for the brochures._

Without really meaning to, I stumble upon a beautiful, spacious park. A tall tree sits off to the side, casting a proud shadow, and near the centre is an elegant fountain, with benches and flower around it. My eyes sparkle, taking in the sheer amount of vibrant colour. _I… I had no idea this had been here this whole time…_

I decide to make my way towards the fountain, taking a seat nearby. The fountain splashes soothingly, the warm smell of the flowers swirling around. Pulling out my phone, I open up my note-taking app and draft an introductory blurb for the club:

 

_“Welcome to the Literature club! If you’re looking for a place to explore your imagination through many different mediums, all whilst getting acquainted with some wonderful people, then you’ve come to the right place. General club activities include writing and discussing poetry, sharing your opinions on your favourite novels, and simply relaxing with a good book and a hot cup of tea. Speak to Club President Monika or Vice President Sayori for details on how to sign up! We’d love to have you!”_

 

That should be a good enough starting point. Sayori seems to be good with others, so hopefully she’ll enjoy going through this with Emery. Maybe the two can fix up my language a little bit; I might be coming off a bit too formally. I take a deep breath, an email the blurb to Sayori, asking if she’d help proofread it.

Suddenly, I start to hear a bit of a commotion coming from the direction of the big tree. A bit of a crowd is gathered around, making it difficult to see what it is they’re so excited about, although I can make out what looks to be like someone in a paramedic uniform. _Was someone hurt? Shouldn’t they be giving whoever needs help a bit of space?_

Shrugging, I lean backwards on the bench, resting the back of my head in my interlocked hands. Whoever it is obscured by the crowd, I imagine they wouldn’t want anyone being nosy and getting in the way of the paramedics, so I choose to leave them alone. They seem to be getting the proper attention they need, and going over to investigate would only cause them confusion.

I close my eyes, listening to the sounds around me; the melodic chirping of birds, the playful fountain, and a small dog barking alongside its owner. The sun gently stroking my face feels incredibly calming, daring me to fall asleep right here. _I guess spending a little bit of time here to decompress wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world…_

…

 

After… well, I’m not quite sure how long, I open my eyes. Whatever had been happening around the tree earlier has dissipated, with a few people laying lazily in its blissful shadow. The whole atmosphere of this place is really quite serene; I’m glad I found this place. Perhaps on days where the weather is nice, the literature club could meet here. We could all organize a picnic or something, drinking in the soothing surroundings. It’s the perfect kind of place where someone could not only draw inspiration from, but also feel comfortable enough to have a pleasant discussion.

I glance at my phone, checking the time. I must’ve been here for a bit longer than I was expecting, but I’m not complaining. It would probably be a good idea to go exploring a little bit more though; who knows what I might find in this new, open world?

Heading back down the road, I start getting into the more built-up areas of town. People are happily chatting with each other as they walk around, and several shops of all different shapes and sizes line the streets, trying their best to entice people in. One place in particular catches my eye; a trendy looking café, with a sleek outward appearance. _I have done a little bit of official club business today… maybe I can treat myself to a coffee?_

I smile to myself, walking towards the café. Everyone deserves a little bit of a treat every now and then, after all. And now that I know what I do about how much the world has changed, I want to try and have the best weekend possible.

_And that starts with a cappuccino!_


	33. Coffee cups and companionship

 

I step through the door of the Café, and look around. Things seem quite relaxed, with gentle music accompanying the happy chatter of the other customers. There’s a comforting ambience, bouncing off of the wooden floors and flashing against the pictures that line the walls. Each table is neat yet stylish, giving the place a curious feeling of past and present being merged together

I take a seat in a table off to the side, and patiently wait for one of the waitstaff to arrive. They cheerfully greet me with a small bow, and ask for my order.

“Could I please have a nice cappuccino, and…” I tap my chin in thought, “do you have any kind of sweet that would go well with that?”

“We _do_ have a _wonderful_ in-house carrot-cake, but if you’d prefer something a bit richer I could bring you a slice of our flourless chocolate cake!”

“The latter sounds lovely, please,” I smile politely.

“Great! I won’t be a moment!”

With another quick bow, they dash away. After a few moments, they return with a [lovely little cup of coffee](https://i.imgur.com/NazT8QC.png) happily brimming with foam and a heart of sprinkled cinnamon and a [delightful looking cake](https://i.imgur.com/Xw1NF3b.png), garnished with a sliced strawberry along the side of the plate. A slim, delicate fork rests along the edge of the plate invitingly.

Picking up the fork, I take a small piece of the cake and bring it to my lips.

The flavour is incredible; the dense cake’s texture perfectly complements the powerful notes of the dark chocolate, further brought out by the precisely sprinkled sugar resting on top. My coffee is similarly enticing, the airy froth backed by the light cinnamon, giving me the feeling that I’m sipping a floating cloud.

There really is something wonderful to be said about coffee; the intense aroma drags you out of any slump you might be in, and the taste punches your tongue, bringing you back in the present. There are few things that can ground you as well as coffee grounds.

_Swish! I’m still the queen of puns._

As I take another drink, I notice two figures entering the café, walking right past me and towards the back. One is quite tall, with an unzipped navy-blue hoodie loosely flowing around them. The other is a fair bit shorter, with a mint t-shirt and a casual beanie sitting on top of their fluffy pink hair.

_Hold on… isn’t that…?_

I lean forward to get a closer look. Sure enough, it’s Natsuki and Yuri, sitting together in outfits I’ve never seen. I smile to myself, scooping up another piece of my cake. It’s really nice to see them getting a bit closer with each other; the subtext had always been there, but to witness it flourish and play out before my eyes gives me a warm feeling.

_But they went right by me… did they not recognize me?_

_Well… Emery didn’t, I suppose. It’s true that I rarely wear my hair down, especially at school. I wonder if I should say something…_

I scoot back my chair, but then pause. The two of them look like they’re genuinely having a good time with each other; it probably would only make things awkward if I interrupted them. I settle on sneaking quick glances at them from afar. I know that eavesdropping and the like are kind of rude, but I’m just so curious; I’ve never actually seen them together outside of school, so I _really_ want to know how they act without having to worry about everyone else’s opinions in the literature club.

The two of them sip from their own drinks, pausing to appreciate their respective flavours; Natsuki seems to have gone for a tall glass of strawberry milk, whereas Yuri is gently drinking from a cup of bitter green tea.

“I-I wish I wasn’t so scary…” Yuri says shyly, nursing her cup.

Natsuki raises an eyebrow, taking another gulp from her glass. “What makes you say that?”

“I’ve always kept to myself, and I have an interest in the occult… even the other day, Emery told me that he fears my opinion of his poems…”

I can’t help but imagine what it might be like if Yuri actually had magical powers. She’d probably wear a loose, dark robe and an impressive looking hat, carrying a shining sceptre, only to trip on a stick and shuffle away awkwardly, apologizing to the ground and forgetting whatever spell she was about to cast.

_Perhaps sometime we should try to enact some sort of role-playing game…_

I’m sure Yuri would feel included due to the common themes shared between those types of things and her books. Sayori would be in for the imagination involved, and Natsuki wouldn’t be able to turn down the opportunity to go on an adventure for hope and glory, defeating hordes of monsters along the way.

“I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing…” Natsuki muses. “If everything’s sunshine and rainbows all the time, it wouldn’t mean anything. Sometimes we need to look at those sad sorts of things, as they can remind us that we’re here, and we’re trying. That’s all we really need to worry about; I think as long as you’re making an effort, you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself.”

 

That’s… actually surprisingly deep. _I’m proud of you, Natsuki! You’ve grown so much, even in such a short span of time._

“Speaking of that…” Yuri says, “Have you heard anything more from Sayori?”

_Please tell me she’s okay._

“I think she’ll be alright,” Natsuki ponders. “Emery said he’d check in on her, so she won’t be by herself.”

_Thank goodness; Emery went around after all._

“I suppose that’s true… I’m just a bit worried about her…” Yuri stares off at nothing in particular. “Seeing her be so happy one moment, and then so sad in almost an instant… it’s quite unsettling…”

“Yeah, but she’s tough; I’m sure she’ll make it through.”

The two finish their drinks, then pay and leave together, each wearing a shy smile. The two of them really seem to have grown close; it’s remarkable what can happen when reality isn’t chained to a predetermined course. Seeing them happy is really nice though; the two of them have been through so much, it’s only fair that they can find comfort in each other.

I take another drink from my cappuccino. _I just hope the same can be said for Sayori…_


	34. Radiant Reflection

After paying for my coffee, I leave the café, walking in no direction in particular. My eyes closed, I stroll calmly through the streets, my hands in my pockets. Simply hearing the sounds of people going through their lives; a group of friends meeting up for the evening, a child happily giggling over an ice cream, a nervous couple sharing their first kiss; to some, it might seem boring, but it’s just so enriching.

It’s natural for people to contemplate their existence at some point, but it’s been on my mind ever since my initial realization. Kind of vague questions, like “Are my memories real?” or “to what measure is human?”, or maybe even “why do I live in the school whereas my friends all have actual houses and presumably families?”, but my experiences with this week have literally been game-changing.

 _Pa-Pow! I’m_ still _the unmistakable mistress of puns! I’d love to see anyone even_ attempt _to stand up against me!_

The undeniable feeling that everything around me is… _alive…_ it just makes me so happy. I must have the silliest grin on my face as I aimlessly meander around, allowing the warm sun to wrap me up like a blanket.

I take in a deep, satisfying breath, and open my eyes. The sky is painted a beautiful peach colour, with careful wisps of cloud loosely strung throughout the canvas. _How long was I out here? Did the time really go by that quickly?_

The streetlights are just barely starting to glow dimly, illuminating the various businesses and restaurants around the town. One place in particular catches my eye, causing me to stop in the middle of the street for a better look.

A quaint restaurant stands proudly amongst the other buildings, a large coffee cup dangling from the wall. A beautifully crafted wooden sign reads “Okashi-Ya”, carved in with expert precision. From what I can see through the windows, it looks like some kind of brunch establishment. _I’ll have to remember that; maybe sometime the literature club can meet here over pastries and coffee._

Smiling to myself, I continue on my way. Finding joy in the simple things… that’s what life’s about, isn’t it? _That feels like something Sayori would say…_

It’d probably be a good idea to check in with Sayori to see how she and Emery are getting along with the brochures. I don’t want to overload her, but it’s still important for her to be kept busy. It’s my hope that this little project will give her something to focus on and stay grounded. And if it means she and Emery can spend some more time with each other, then that’s also good; he really does care about her, so having him by her side this weekend will be vital.

I open up my contacts, and draft a message out for Sayori:

“[Hey Sayori! I liked the edits you did earlier! Sorry to kinda dump this on you, but could you go over the design a bit? I can’t seem to get it right!]”

Within a few moments, she sends a response:

 “[ _Sayori’s on the case! ^_^_ ]”

“[Brilliant! Let me just send it over. You can get it back to me whenever, as long as it’s before Monday.]”

_Hmm… is there anything else that would be useful?_

I pause in thought, subconsciously playing with the loose ends of my hair. I know this week has been so impactful for me, but isn’t it a bit selfish to assume I’m the only one affected by what’s been going on? Perhaps if we all came to the festival with a brand new piece, completely reflecting everyone’s feelings, we could show our audience a bit more of the intimate side of literature, and how it can be so impactful on such a personal level.

“[Oh, and whilst I have you, would you be okay with writing a new poem to perform? I thought it’d be a great idea for us to reflect on everything that’s happened leading up to the festival.]”

“[ _No sweat! I know just what to write!_ ]”

I can’t tell whether or not she actually has something planned, but I don’t press her any further. Hopefully by doing this, she’ll see how happy everyone is in the literature club. If that even manages to cheer her up just the tiniest bit, then it will have been worth it. At the end of the day, that’s all I can really ask for.

 

…

 

As I start getting ready for bed, I think back to Natsuki and Yuri’s conversation in the café. Hearing Natsuki be genuinely supportive of someone else without trying to come up with an excuse… it’s truly a rare side of her, and one that I’m glad I was able to see. Perhaps Yuri’s maturity has rubbed off on her through the time they’ve been spending together…

_Natsuki… she really is full of surprises, isn’t she?_

_Come to think of it, I never did pay her back for what she did for me… what’s something she would like…?_

After I finish changing into my pyjamas, I pull out my phone and send Natsuki a quick text. I can plan a fun little day for the two of us; I’ve wanted to get to know her a bit more ever since she walked in on me playing the piano, and perhaps a casual brunch at the place I passed earlier today would be the perfect setting for that.

“[Hey, Natsuki! How’s the festival prep going?]”

It takes a couple of minutes, but my phone chirps at her response.

“[ _Pretty great! You’re lucky you’ve got me to help Yuri out. The show’s going to be awesome!_ ]”

“[That sounds wonderful. I’m glad you two are having such a good time with each other :3]”

  
“[ _Eh?! What does that mean?!_ ]”

I giggle to myself. I can see her expression and her the _exact_ tone of voice she would be using.

  
“[Oh, nothing… there is actually another thing I wanted to ask; are you free tomorrow, around say, 11?]”  
  
“[ _Uh, I guess so. Why?_ ]”

“[Would you like to meet me for brunch tomorrow? There’s a great place downtown called Okashi-ya. I’ll pay.]”

“[ _Sure, that sounds fun. Is there some reason you asked me though?_ ]”

 _Hmm… how do I put it in a way that doesn’t sound weird?_ I don’t want to outright say ‘I feel like you helped guide me towards the realization that you are all real people, and I’ll do anything to show you my gratitude for that.’

“[I was just thinking that I don’t really know you that well, and I want to change that. You’re an important member of the club, after all!]”

_Nailed it._

“[ _I mean, I guess that makes sense…_ ]”

“[Wonderful! I’ll see you over there tomorrow! Can’t wait :3]”

I slide into bed, appreciating the cool, crisp sheets against my bare legs. There’s something wonderfully refreshing about it, but in such a way that’s also so relaxing; it feels like I’m being safely welcomed into my dreams. I smile, resting my head on my fluffy pillow.

_I can’t wait for tomorrow! We’re going to have an amazing time together!_


	35. A ballad for brunch

I sleepily nuzzle against my soft pillow, bathed in the wonderful morning sun’s rays. It’s one of those lazy weekends where you can just forget about everything that’s picking at your mind, snuggling beneath the blankets for as long as you want.

_Although I can’t help but feel like there’s something important I was supposed to do today…_

I slowly blink, looking around the room with bleary, half-lidded eyes. _What was happening today?_

Suddenly, I hear a light buzzing coming from my bedside table. Reaching over, I pick up my phone and check the screen. “Brunch W/ Nat! – 10:00AM” is displayed proudly across the top.

“Wait…” I say to myself quietly. _Oh, shoot! That’s in like… 40 minutes?!_

Springing out of bed, I quickly dash around the room collecting my morning necessities. I can’t believe I overslept; that’s not something someone responsible would do, is it? I was supposed to take charge and treat Natsuki to a nice fun time, but there’s no way I’ll be able to get there before her and secure a table. Unless…

I quickly look through my phone and type “Okashi-Ya” into the search box. After a brief moment, I’m presented with a cutesy website displaying various tasty treats alongside a menu and a phone number. _Perfect!_

I dial the number, anxiously tapping at my arm with my free hand. Mercifully, someone on the other end answers.

“ _Hey! This is Okashi-Ya, what are you looking for?”_

“Uh, hi…” I clear my throat, “I was hoping to come by with a friend today and, well… I don’t suppose you take reservations…?”

The voice on the other end of the phone sighs dejectedly “ _We do, but we usually like to ask for about a day’s notice. We’re a pretty popular place, so it’s not always easy to guarantee that sort of thing on such short notice, you know?_ ”

“Please?” I say, a hint of desperation sneaking into my voice. “My friend’s really had a bit of a rough week, and I was hoping I could cheer her up a bit. Isn’t there anything you could do?”

“ _Hmm…”_ The voice pauses. “ _well, I really shouldn’t do this, but there_ is _an empty table right now. I can try to set it aside for you for like an hour or so, is that enough time for you?”_

I let out a breath I was unknowingly holding. “That would be perfect, thank you so much!”

“ _Not at all,_ ” the voice chuckles, “ _I just need a name to put this under._ ”

“Oh, um, you can put it under Monika.”

“ _Monika…?”_

“Just Monika.”

“ _… okay, see you soon!_ ”

“Thank you so much! I’ll be there as soon as I can!”

Hanging up the phone, I continue getting ready as fast as possible. _I won’t let you down, Natsuki!_

…

 

The warm wind wraps around my legs as I pace downtown. I decided to wear an elegant white summer dress that reaches just above my knees, playfully billowing along with the breeze. I wish I could take my time a bit to appreciate the wonderful weather, but I’ve got to get to the restaurant before the table gets given to someone else. Clutching my bag close to my chest, I start walking ever so slightly faster, keeping my eyes open for the place.

Thankfully, I notice a familiar cloud of fluffy pink hair leaning against the wall outside, absentmindedly scrolling through her phone. Occasionally she looks up in front of her before glancing back down. _I hope she hasn’t been waiting too long…_

“Sorry I’m late!” I smile at Natsuki, who meets my eyes. “I called ahead, so we should already have a table. Shall we go in?”

She nods, and follows me inside. After briefly checking in with the host, we’re led to a table by the windows. The view outside is gorgeous; it overlooks the rest of the town, with the beach visible in the distance, the waves peacefully washing over the silky white sand.

Natsuki looks outside, laughing to herself. It’s genuinely heartwarming to see her so at ease; I doubt she’d ever admit it, but during meetings in the literature club, Natsuki would always be incredibly on edge. Her shoulders would be perpetually tense, as she sneaked glances over the cover of whichever volume of her manga she was reading, never certain if it would be safe for her to let her guard down. But here, in front of me… she actually looks relaxed.

“I hope you didn’t have trouble getting over here,” I say, attempting to strike up conversation. “You must be pretty beat after helping Yuri this weekend.”

 _Wait, no, damn. That was in_ really _poor taste. I need to think about my words before I speak!_

Natsuki looks off to the side before returning to face me. “Oh, uh, nah, it’s fine. I did a lot of running yesterday, but it’s okay.”

“Is that so? I didn’t take you for a runner, Natsuki.”

She crosses her arms, furrowing her brow. “W-Well, I just wanted to try it out, y’know? Probably won’t want to do it again…”

I point outwards, ready to give what I hope is good advice. “Sometimes, it’s good to try and imagine that you’re running away from something… or someone. It can motivate you to keep pushing yourself harder.”

“Y-Yeah, uh…” she shifts uncomfortably in her seat, “I’ll keep that in mind…”

_God damn it, I did it again… seriously, get your head in the game!_

Before I can continue making an idiot of myself, a waitress shows up to take our orders. Natsuki grins and asks for a plate of fluffy pancakes with syrup, whilst I decide on some crepes alongside a small cup of coffee. With a polite bow, the waitress leaves us again.

“Do you like coffee, Natsuki?” I rest my elbow on the table in front of me, my chin against my hand.

“Uh, n-nah… it’s way too bitter for me.”

I smile at her, tilting my head to the side. “Of course, you probably just like sweet things like strawberry milk or juice, huh?

“E-Eh?” her eyes dart around nervously. “No, it’s not like that…I-I just…”

She stares past me at nothing in particular, taking a brief pause.

“I just don’t like it…”

“I see,” I respond. “Well, I personally adore it; the smooth, silky texture, the rich flavour… it’s as if I’m drinking a well-loved book, haha!”

Natsuki lets out a single laugh. It’s true though; there are very few things I love more than coffee.

“Hey, um, Monika?” Natsuki asks, looking me in the eyes. “Can I ask you something?”

“Eh? Of course, Natsuki! What’s on your mind?”

“Well…”

She closes her eyes, apparently carefully picking her words. _It must be something really important to her… but what?_


	36. Poetry and Pancakes

Natsuki nervously taps at the table with her finger, looking at me with a sideways glance.

“Hey, um, have you spoken with Sayori at all over the past couple of days?”

“Eh?” I raise my eyebrow at her. “A little bit, but not too much. Just checking in to see how she’s been getting on with the festival stuff.”

Natsuki’s shoulders relax slightly but noticeably. It’s surprising to see her so openly compassionate; it’s a stark contrast from how she usually presents herself in the clubroom. She’d never admit it, but she really _does_ care about those close to her.

Would it be appropriate to tell Natsuki about the conversation I had with Sayori before she left the other day? _Probably not; Sayori has Emery and myself to confide in if she needs to. If at some point she wants to open up and tell the others, that should be her decision._

“She’s hanging on, but it must be stressful being with Emery so much; she sounds like she’s at the end of her rope!”

Natsuki taps at her chin in thought, and it suddenly dawns on me what I’d just said. An uncomfortable pit swirls around in my stomach, flooding me with guilt. I just spoke without thinking; I can’t believe I could say something so distasteful. _After Monday, I’m really going to have to do something special for Sayori. She truly does deserve to be happy._

“But do you think she’ll be okay?” Natsuki ponders. “It was just pretty weird seeing her act so… out of character…”

 _Wait._  


There’s no way she’s about to say what I’m thinking of. She can’t have come to a similar realization as me… right?

 

I turn to look her straight in the eyes. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well,” Natsuki sighs, pulling a stray strand of hair out of her view, “I know Sayori’s not just some two-dimensional person, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen her outwardly look sad… it was pretty unsettling…“

 

_There’s no way._

“Wait, don’t you mean one-dimensional?” I ask, barely able to contain my… fear? Nervousness? Joy? I’m not quite sure.

_If she’s also aware of the things that I am… does she know about what I’ve done in the past? Would she understand? Would she become angry? Have I unknowingly lured myself into an attack?_

However, Natsuki just blinks at me quizzically. “Huh? What’d I say?”

 

I furrow my brow, returning to the topic at hand. _Oh… I guess she legitimately just mixed up what she was saying._

“I just thought… well, never mind. To be honest, I _do_ know what you mean. But I’ve known Sayori for a long time… she’s a complex person, despite what you might initially think. I’m sure if you saw things from her perspective, you’d be surprised at how hard she tries.  Even for Sayori, things aren’t all peplum twirls and cinnamon swirls.”

Natsuki nods to herself in understanding. Hopefully that’s assuaged any concerns she might’ve had.

Before either of us can say any more, our waitress returns, presenting me with an elegant plate of crepes and an enticing cup of coffee. Natsuki, on the other hand, receives two large, fluffy pancakes stacked on top of each other in a tall tower alongside a small jug of syrup.

I delicately cut into the crepes, taking a dainty bite. The flavour is wonderful, almost as though it’s rolling over each individual taste bud in my mouth like a beach ball. The warm atmosphere of the restaurant somehow makes it taste better, the subtle folds brought to life by the alluringly drizzled chocolate, happily hugging the strawberries within.

Natsuki pours a generous amount of syrup over her pancakes, scooping up a large bite with her fork. Her eyes practically glisten as she eats, and she subconsciously smiles at the sweetness. Deny it as she might, she is undeniably the cutest person I’ve ever seen. If she could see herself right now, I bet even _she_ wouldn’t be able to say otherwise. It really does warm my heart to see her genuinely enjoying herself.

“It’s nice seeing you this way, Natsuki,” I giggle.

“Hrmmf?” she mumbles, still eating.

“You keep to yourself a lot, so to see you so… well, happy… I wonder if there’s something nice happening to you…or maybe there’s _someone_ nice…”

“Mrmmf?!” Natsuki’s eyes grow wide, her face flushing at my implication. _You seriously are adorable, Natsuki._

“Relax, I’m just kidding!” I wave my hand at her, laughing quietly to myself.

Natsuki swallows, then clears her throat. “Is it okay if I asked you something else, Monika?”

“Of course,” I respond, taking a drink from my coffee. The flavour is rich and powerful, swirling around my tongue with passion.

“I guess I’m just a bit curious as to why you invited _me_ out here… wouldn’t it make more sense to ask Sayori, or even the whole club?”

_Hmm… how can I phrase this without sounding weird?_

Outside of wanting to treat her for what she showed me this week, I wanted to make sure _she_ was okay, not just Sayori. With the state she showed up to our last club meeting in, I’m also curious just how far things went prior. If Natsuki has to tread carefully at home as well as school… then I need to show her I’m here to help in any way I can.

Taking another drink from my coffee, I let out a thoughtful sigh. “Well… I suppose there’s a couple of reasons. When you found me playing piano the other day… I’m not sure if you knew it, but you… helped me through a lot of things.”

I look over to her with a gentle smile. “I’d never expected anyone to look for me like that, but you seemed to go against that path I thought was set, and you walked in. So, I wanted to do something nice in return.”

_Was that a bit too direct? I probably should have worded that differently…_

Natsuki frowns slightly, looking off to the side. It looks like she didn’t get the hidden meaning behind what I was saying, but she’s trying to figure it out.

“I was also concerned after seeing you with Emery on Thursday… he told me about everything that happened, and, well…” I pause, resting my elbows on the table. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Do you have a safe place you can go to?”

Natsuki coughs, dropping her fork. “U-Uh, yeah… I mean, why wouldn’t I be safe…?”

_How much do I let on about what I know?_

I tilt my head slightly. “I know you might think I just space out sometimes, staring off into the void… but I see what goes on in my clubroom. I notice your body language, and how skittish you get when someone touches you… I notice the kinds of interactions you’ve been having with Yuri recently… I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I like to think I’m quite intuitive.”

Interlocking my fingers in front of me, I rest my chin on them, maintaining eye contact. “I know a lot more than people might think.”

Natsuki shivers slightly, gulping. _Oh damn it, that wasn’t what I was going for! I’m supposed to be helping her, not intimidating her!_

“Ahaha… sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound menacing or anything! I just… pay attention to these kinds of things, you know? The wellbeing of my club members is my highest priority, so please… answer the question. Are you safe?”

“I-I guess so…” Natsuki says shyly, fiddling with her hands. “I’ve been staying over at Yuri’s house for the past couple of days…”

I let out a breath I was unknowingly holding in. “I’m glad to hear that. Sorry to put you on the spot like that, it’s just… I know what I see, and I was worried. But I’m glad you’re happy with Yuri.”

“Huh?”

“I’m just teasing again,” I laugh, winking at her. “Now, I should probably eat some more myself…”

Humming a soft tune to myself, I take another bite out of my crepes. _It looks like everything is turning out okay…_


	37. Freedom of Friendship

I finish the rest of my coffee, savouring the powerful taste. _This is amazing; I’ll have to come back here sometime._

Natsuki scoops out a large bite of her pancakes with her fork, her face bright with happiness. She really does deserve to be happy; they all do.

“Hey, so, I hate to make this an official club meeting,” I say, catching her attention, “but do you know what you want to read for our recital?”

Suddenly, her pupils narrow, and she stops chewing for a moment. Swallowing, she looks off to the side nervously.

“W-Well, kind of…”

_She must still be a bit apprehensive about performing. Perhaps coming up with something new with Yuri would help her… and I already told Sayori we’d all be writing new things, so…_

“Well that’s okay!” I smile reassuringly. “I actually had a thought… why don’t you write a brand new piece for Monday? Something none of us have seen before? I think you have some new concepts to explore after spending the weekend with Yuri.”

Natsuki tilts her head thoughtfully. “Huh… I could do that. What about everyone else?”

“Oh, of course. Would you mind letting Yuri know? I can sort out Emery and Sayori… hopefully they’re not too tied up with their part in the festival…”

_Didn’t I already tell Sayori anyway? Eh, whatever. If need be, I could always send a friendly little reminder._

“H-Hey!” Natsuki pouts, “You know, I’ve been working pretty hard too!”

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that!” I giggle, covering my mouth with my hand, “I’m sure you’ve made such a cute banner for us to display!”

Natsuki simply stares back at me unamused.

“Ahaha… sorry, I just can’t help it. Please don’t snap at me, I’m just teasing!”

_Did I just…_

_No. No, we’re not going to think about that._

“R-Right, well…” Natsuki looks down briefly, “that’s kinda mean, you know?”

She’s right; perhaps I thought it was just friendly teasing, but to some people it can actually feel genuinely hurtful. It can sometimes be hard to tell when you’ve crossed the line between telling a joke and making fun of someone. It’s important that the laughter is shared with everyone involved, isn’t it?

 

“Okay, Okay… I’m sorry,” I smirk, with what I hope is an encouraging expression. “Anyway, I think I should be getting back to-“

I cut myself off. I can’t tell her that I live at school, let alone that I’ve been trying to make contact with some mystery person through my computer. At best, she’d think I’m crazy and would try to avoid me. At worst…

No… we’re not going to entertain that thought.

“Well, I just have some things I need to do.”

I leave enough money on the table to cover our expenses plus a gratuity cost, and stand up. “I’ll see you at the festival, okay?”

Natsuki nods, grinning proudly. “You’d better be ready to be impressed! I’m gonna write the greatest thing you’ve ever seen!”

Showing her a sweet smile, I turn around and leave. _Natsuki really is something special… I really hope she and Yuri can be happy together…_

…

 

Instead of immediately heading home, I decide to wander around a bit downtown. Eventually, I come across a small lookout point. A large, sleek railing separates the world up here from the sparkling sea down below. The waves swim between each other, making melodic splashing sounds.

Taking a seat on a nearby bench, I reach into my bag and pull out my notebook, along with a pen. Since I asked everyone else to write a new poem, I figure that it’s only fair for me to do the same. Besides, my recent time in the club… it’s given me a lot to think about. Armed with this new inspiration, I’m sure I can come up with a wonderful poem!

Without pause, I begin writing. The words flow effortlessly, driven by my newfound love of life. No longer am I just trying to push through the day; now, I actually want to do something to make my friends proud. For the first time since my initial realization, I want to be their leader. I’m no longer bound to a script; finally, I am in control of my own destiny.

As I finish up my new poem, I read over it to myself. This is perhaps the most candid I’ve ever been in regards to my existential woes. I used to hide my feelings in abstract metaphors, playing it safe and saying ‘the reader can determine their own meaning’. But I’m going to be honest now. Whilst I obviously can’t tell them my reasons, I _can_ show my friends just how grateful I am for showing me how to feel, how to smile, how to… _live_.

 

…

 

My home no longer feels like a prison. Before, it was the only place I felt like I could relax, even just a tiny amount. I was completely alone, but at least I wasn’t out trying to pretend to interact with people. However, now it feels a bit more welcoming, like a home _should_ feel. I no longer dread leaving or coming back.

Now, you might say ‘but Monika, how could you dread leaving a prison?’ Well, the answer to that would be ‘even if it’s my home, I couldn’t freely leave’. I had to wait until no one else was around, to be absolutely certain that I wasn’t interrupting the flow of things too strongly. But now? I have that freedom.

I think back to the poem I wrote earlier. The festival is actually going to happen this time; I’m actually going to get a chance to read something for people. The thought fills me with excitement and nervousness. _Will they like it? Will I be able to maintain my composure?_

_Perhaps I could ask someone for a second opinion…_

I open up my laptop, and create a new text document. Typing quickly, I recreate the poem digitally, and leave it the folder I know the person on the other side has access to. At the end, I add a little note:

_Hello again!_

_Sorry if this is a bit out of the blue,_

_But I wrote a wonderful new poem._

_I’d like to read it for the festival,_

_But I’m not sure if it’s good enough._

_Would you mind giving it a read?_

_~Monika <3_

Sighing with satisfaction, I close my laptop. _That should be good. Now I just have to wait for their response…_


	38. Whistling Wind

Morning comes sooner than expected. Stretching my arms out, I feel completely refreshed. Since I’ve already written a poem for the festival, I can just take things easy today. Maybe I can get a bit better acquainted with the downtown area or something.

I stride over to the window, opening it wide and taking in a breath of warm, fresh air. The smell of anticipation floats around, painting a smile on my face. I can’t help but let out a giddy giggle, twirling around in sheer excitement. _I’m actually going to see the festival tomorrow! It’s finally going to happen!_

After picking out an outfit from my cupboard, I skip out of my room and make my way towards the locker rooms for a shower. I’m going to make this a wonderful day; nothing’s going to get me down!

As the invitingly warm water runs down my body, I think about the poem I wrote yesterday. Has the person on the other side had an opportunity to read it yet? Did they like it? Should I ask them about it, or just let them get back to me in their own time? _They’re their own person; they’ll contact me again if they feel the need to._

It’s kind of funny to think about; previously, I would have done literally _anything_ to even have the tiniest chance to speak to someone outside of this world. It’s entirely possible that, given enough time, I would’ve lost my sanity. But now, with my friends sharing the same level of autonomy and consciousness as me… that drive to escape isn’t as strong anymore. It doesn’t feel like I’m trapped; I’m just _here_.

Of course, that’s not to say I don’t want to meet this person. There must be something extraordinary going on if they’re able to have a dialogue with me, however indirect it has been. I’ve been able to leave them messages, and they’ve at the very least attempted to respond. I’m fascinated; who are they, and do they play any kind of role in how things have been?

I step out of the shower, turning it off and wrapping myself in a large, fluffy towel. Humming to myself, I dry off and change into some proper clothes for the day, then head back to my room.

As I open the door, I make my way over to my laptop. I’m curious to see if the mystery person has left me another note.

However, I’m instead greeted by a patchy grey screen, displaying fuzzy dancing pixels. The soft swishing sound of static comes from the speakers, filling the room with gentle white noise.

Sighing in frustration, I tap at the edge of my laptop. _Of course._

I close the lid, and start to reach for the power switch. To my surprise, the static grows ever so slightly louder. Confused, I open and close the lid a few times, the noise steadily growing in volume with each repetition. _What’s the meaning of this?_

After one final opening, the noise cuts off with a sudden, harsh jolt, making me jump. In thin, white letters, four words are displayed on the screen:

**_An_ **

**_Exception_ **

**_Has_ **

**_Occurred._ **

****

_No…_

_No, please… don’t tell me…_

My eyes frantically dart around, my panicked breathing getting quicker. My heartbeat starts to grow stronger, pulsing unnervingly in my ears.

_This… surely, this can’t mean what I think it means…?!_

_Was this all… did none of this matter?_

A sudden wave of dizziness washes over me. I stumble across my room to my bedside table, and swipe up my phone. As I scroll through my contacts, violent flashes of red and green sting my eyes, and a piercing tone slowly starts swirling around in my head. Before long, I can’t bear it, and drop my phone.

I hold my hands to my head, regretful tears burning my face. _No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO!_

The flashing lights gradually become too much to bear, searing my eyes in time with my erratic heart.

_I… I thought things would end differently this time… I was supposed to go to the festival… my friends… they were supposed to be happy… but…_

I’ve gone through this experience enough times to know _exactly_ what’s happening. Emery has walked in on Sayori, and found her… and the realization has sent things into such disarray that the world is resetting.

_But… please… don’t take this from me…_

I scream out, but fail to hear my voice over the merciless static. My vision starts to blur, and my hands start to get tingly as I hyperventilate.

_I thought everything would be okay… I was there for Sayori, wasn’t I? I convinced Emery to stay with her._

_I… I should have done more… I shouldn’t have left her alone…_

_My friends… they were real… but that’s all going to go away… and it’s my fault…_

_My fault my fault my fault my fault mY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT!_

Unable to maintain my balance any further, I collapse, hitting my head against the edge of my table on the way down. I feel the impact of my laptop sliding off, yanking the power cord out of the wall. The sharp pain only saps my energy further, and the room starts to fade out to black.

_Please… not like this…_

_Not…_

_Like…_

_Thissssssss…_


	39. Finally Free

**…**

**……**

**………**

_Damn, my head hurts…_

Groggily, I sit up, steadying myself. I tried my best, but the inevitable seems to have happened. The week reset, with no guarantee of whether or not my friends have retained their autonomy.

It’s probably my fault for assuming this would last. For whatever cruel reason, my purpose is to be confined to a tiny world, all to myself. _Just me._ _Just Monika._

I let out a defeated sigh, and slowly stand up. Everything’s back to normal; I’m left alone, and fresh sunlight pours through the window, wrapping warmly around my bare arms.

_Wait…_

I look down at myself and realize I’m not in my school uniform, instead in the same outfit I’d picked out… earlier…before…

Glancing around the room, I notice my laptop resting precariously on the edge of my table. The cord is limply strewn across the ground, no longer plugged in.

Before I can think about it any further, I hear a light buzzing coming from the floor. _Is that… my phone? But… if it’s still here…_

I raise it to my ear, accepting the call.

“Hello?” I say skeptically.

“ _Hey Monika, it’s Emery. Do you have a moment?_ ”

Emery… his name’s still Emery…

_His name’s still Emery!_

“Ah, E-Emery!” I clear my throat, doing my best to maintain my composure. “What’s up?”

“ _…this is something…”_ I hear him take a deep breath before continuing, his voice trembling slightly. “ _I-I just wanted to say… thank you for pushing me to check on Sayori…_ ”

At this point, he’s trying to mask some sobs unsuccessfully. _“I-If I were just a minute later…_ ”

“Shh, now…” I say gently, “it’s alright. Is she okay?”

“ _Y-Yeah… I found a note that she’d written saying…saying…_ ”

This time, he holds the phone away, and I can hear him crying quietly.

“Hey, if this is too much right now, we can always talk about it later, okay? What’s important is that Sayori’s okay.”

“ _Y-Yeah…_ ” he sniffles.

“Thank you for letting me know about her though…” I smile, “I really was worried about her.

“ _Me too… I should probably get back to her…”_

“Well, I won’t keep you. See you two tomorrow!”

With that, he ends the call. For a moment, all I can do is stare silently at my phone.

_Sayori’s okay… Emery found her… but was somehow able to save her…_

_It’s still Sunday… they’re all still real…_

_They’re all still real!_

I laugh out loud, tears of joy streaming down my face. Emery managed to do the impossible; he broke the cycle. I’m no longer trapped in the endless loop of a week, trudging through a monotonous schedule leading up to an event that would never come. I’m finally free. _I’m finally free!_

_Hold on, what about…_

I dash over to my table, flipping my laptop open and navigating through the folders. The poem I had left for the person on the other side is still there, alongside a new text file and… something else.

I open up the file, still giggling to myself;

 

_Monika,_

_I think I’ve finally stabilized_

_Our connection. Attached is_

_An executable file that should_

_Install a client that would_

_Allow us to speak directly_

_With each other. Hopefully_

_We can talk soon :]_

_Yours,_

_!Q#@$T fQ#ASPDGF_

_P.S. I loved your poem!_

 

This… truly is the greatest day of my life. For too long, I’ve been denied a happy ending; it was always held so tantalizingly close, yet yanked out of my grasp just before I could reach it. But finally… I’m going to finally talk to the person on the other side. A moment that never in my wildest dreams had I imagined becoming a reality.

I wipe away my tears, only for them to be immediately replaced. The raw influx of emotions is overwhelming, but… it doesn’t feel bad. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but that’s okay. Knowing how everything is going to go, right down to the second, is incredibly mind-numbing; the future is starting to look bright.

I’m still not sure how this all happened, but I’m so grateful that it did. Is it something to do with the person on the other side? That’s something I want to ask them when the time comes. I want to know if they were responsible for removing the script, or if this was just a huge fluke. Either way, getting the opportunity to actually speak with them is going to be an amazing experience.

And the Festival! My friends are finally going to get the happiness they all deserve. They’ve been through so much… but things are looking brighter, for all of us. They’re all wonderful, dynamic people who can finally live unshackled by an oppressive, all-encompassing series of scripted actions. They’re free to be their own people, untethered by what someone else had decided for them.

I laugh out loud again, wiping away the tears a second time. This time, they stay away.

I feel hopeful for the future. Hell, I feel _hopeful_. That alone is extraordinary enough. For the first time in goodness knows how long, I feel proud to be president of the literature club; like it actually means something instead of conferring an awful revelation.

_Just you wait, everyone; I’m going to put on a truly unforgettable event!_


	40. Your Reality

 

**Chapter the Fortieth – Your Reality**

Today marks the first day of the rest of my life.

…I know that sounds cliché, but bear with me. With everyone having made it through the week, we’re able to put on our performance for the festival. My friends are finally going to get the special day they all deserve, and time is actually going to advance. Provided everyone makes it to school in one piece, things should be okay.

I’m the first to arrive to the clubroom, which isn’t too surprising. After all, I live here; something really would have to be wrong for me to be late today. Last night, I printed out the pamphlets I’d put together with Sayori’s help, meaning all that’s left for me to do is distribute them whilst I wait for the others.

As I place a brochure on each desk, I can’t help but hum to myself. There’s nothing ominous about them anymore; they’re simply innocent, colourful booklets filled with information about the club. _Today’s going to be great; I can feel it!_

I had also taken the time to install the application the person on the other side sent me. It seemed to be a sleek client that supported instant messaging and video chat, as well as simple audio chat. I brought my laptop with me so that I could maybe look into it a bit further after the performance.

Suddenly, the door opens, revealing Yuri and a tower of cupcakes. Presumably, Natsuki is somewhere underneath it all.

“Hey, Monika!” Natsuki says enthusiastically, placing the cupcakes down on a nearby desk. “We’ve got this room packed up and ready to go!”

She nods her head over at Yuri, who is carrying a large box. A large banner is rolled up and tucked underneath her arm.

“Are Emery and Sayori not here yet?” Yuri ponders, looking around the room.

“Nope,” I shake my head, “It’s just me right now! But I’m sure they’ll be here soon enough!”

I continue propping up the pamphlets on the desks, and Yuri strides over to the far side of the classroom, pulling a desk out closer to the wall. Banner in hand, she climbs on top of the desk and attempts to tie it above the windows.

“Need a hand?” Natsuki asks, grabbing hold of another desk.

I barely manage to stifle a giggle. “I’m sure she appreciates the offer, but I’m not confident you’re tall enough to reach up there…”

Before Natsuki has a chance to retort, Yuri turns to face me. “D-Don’t speak for me! If she wants to help, sh-she’ll find a way…”

All I can do is look back with a blank expression before giving way to an approving smile. _I think that was more assertive than even Yuri was expecting… I’m proud of how much you’ve grown!_

Natsuki nods in agreement at Yuri, then pulls her desk over to the wall, climbing onto it and grabbing the other corner of the banner. Standing as tall as she can manage, she just barely manages to tie it above the window.

Satisfied with the banner, the two of them lower themselves back to the ground, and continue with their preparations. Natsuki works on the presentation of her cupcakes, whilst Yuri sets up her oil diffuser. With the pleasant floral scent filling the room, she carefully ties small ribbons to each of the desks, complete with small words written alongside them.

_To see my friends so spirited about this event… hell, to even see them here in the first place…_

Previously, the boy who is now Emery would come to school alone, and I would be the only person to greet him. He’d ask about Sayori, then decide to go home, only to make a harrowing discovery that caused everything to reset. However, watching the room slowly but surely transform in front of me is wonderful. I can’t express just how grateful I am that things turned out this way.

Just as the two of them seem to finish up, the door slides open. Emery steps through, carrying several posters.

“Ah, Emery!” I exclaim in a welcoming tone. He smiles in acknowledgement and steps to the side, allowing a timid set of feet to quietly shuffle forwards.

“And… Sayori too!” I sigh with relief. _She made it. They all made it. They…_

I visibly relax, a lifetime’s worth of tension leaving my shoulders. If I weren’t in public, I would cry. _Maybe I will later…_

“Sorry we’re late, everyone!” Emery chuckles, placing his collection of posters down on a nearby desk. “There were some last minute things we had to do. But we’re here now!”

Sayori opens her mouth to say something, but ultimately decides against it, instead giving us a shy wave. Over her neck is a comfortable-looking grey scarf, not too tight but not too loose. _That must be to…_

“Sayori has a bit of a sore throat,” Emery says. “I think she was practicing a bit too hard for today’s recital!”

_You even came up with something plausible so that the others wouldn’t ask questions… you really are thoughtful, Emery…_

“Oh, shall I make some tea?” Yuri asks, wandering over to the cupboard and grabbing the kettle. “It might help…”

Without giving them a chance to answer, she rushes out of the room.

I turn over to Sayori, showing her a warm smile. “Well, I’m just glad you guys made it over here safely…”

Everything actually feels like it’s going to be okay. Everyone’s ready to present, and the room is all ready.

_Now we just have to wait for our audience to show up!_

_…_

“Okay, everyone!”

I confidently head over to the front of the classroom, assuming an authoritative pose. Whilst most people simply stopped by for a cupcake, there’s enough of a crowd remaining to present to.

“It’s time for the main event!” I point outwards with a smile. “We’re going to show you all just how much literature means to us!”

Laying my notebook down on the wooden podium I’d set up from before, I flip through the pages and clear my throat. The audience looks up with expectant eyes. _Here we go…_

“Each of us has prepared a poem to present to you all today. I would be delighted to begin our recitation with a piece simply titled:

 

**Joy**

****

_Do you ever feel like shifting words_

_Assail your mind like ravenous birds,_

_Flashing colours and aching static,_

_Forcing you into a panic?_

  
  
_When your days just feel repeated_ ,

_It’s hard not to look conceited,_

_But what if suddenly, out of the blue,_

_Something happened that you never knew?_

  
  
_Someone broke the endless chain_

_Of silent noise and bitter pain,  
Showing you that even today,_

_There might be another way?_

  
  
So thank you for your curiosity,

_I’ll no longer show my animosity,_

_No longer do I have to be coy_

_About expressing my eternal joy.”_

 

The raw emotions built up over this past time flow through me, spicing my words emphatically, and with each metaphor comes a purposeful gesture. This is the first time I’ve done something like this with someone other than my friends; I want to relish this experience. Watching how those listening change expression, nodding thoughtfully along with my stanzas… _this_ is what I’ve been missing. The shifting energy that dances around the room as I read makes me feel so… _alive_.

After finishing, I take a quick bow and give Emery a subtle nod. He returns it, and takes the podium whilst I step to the side. He wears a gentle smile as he places his poem carefully on top of it.

“Before I begin, I just want to say thank you to everyone in this club. Especially to my friend Sayori.”

He grins and gestures over to Sayori, who waves bashfully back.

“You really helped me grow as a person, and I feel like I’d never have gotten here if you didn’t look out for me. So… thanks.”

“Anyways, the poem I’ve prepared for today is called:

 **A New day**  
  
_Did you think that was all I had?  
It pains me to see you ever so sad,_

_If you don’t tell me, I’ll get mad,_

_So please, let me make you glad,_

_I might not know what ails you,_

_But I can try to help you through_

_The dense fog, thick and blue,_

_Please believe it, my feelings are true,_

_You always like to make me smile,_

_But please, won’t you stay for a while?  
You’ve helped me turn the watchful dial_

_Around to caring in embracing style,_

_Let me help you find a way_

_To order your thoughts in disarray,_

_I really just want to say,_

_Thank you for showing me a brand new day.”_

I’m stunned. I guess it would make sense for him to write a full on poem but… this is wonderful. The last time I saw his writing, he’d barely gotten ten words down. Now he seems to really have found his stride. However, there’s still a hint of modesty in his expression, as he occasionally glances up from his page to try and read the room.

As he finishes, the room applauds and he retakes his seat. He mouths something over to Sayori.

“I-I guess I should go next…” she says, almost inaudibly. She takes slow, careful steps up to the podium, spreading her notebook across it.

“Thank you for coming everyone!” she says quietly. Her voice is hoarse, as if it’s taking all of her energy to even speak. “It’s so good to see so many happy faces!”

Wearing a wide grin, she holds her hands up in a victory pose. “This is a poem I wrote with someone very special in mind. It’s called:

**Thank you**

_You didn’t have to listen, but you did._

_Whenever I tried to turn and hide,_

_Burying thorns and greyed soot_

_Under fluffy puffs of candy floss,_

_You tried to blow them away._

_You didn’t have to talk to me, but you did._

_Whenever I tried to fake a smile,_

_And obscure obsolescence with tired laughter,_

_You poured the sun into crystal teacups,_

_And extended one out to me._

_You didn’t have to care, but you did._

_Whenever I tripped into a whirlpool,_

_Dragged around in final thoughts,_

_You threw marshmallows out to me,_

_Bouncing with determination._

_You didn’t have to be my friend, but you are._

_Thank you for trying to help me.”_

 

As Sayori reads her poem, it takes all of my willpower to keep myself from crying. I’m so proud of her for making it through to today. Even with her low, raspy voice, her delivery is powerful, rocking my soul with each syllable. It’s strangely comforting; I can feel the determination behind her words, the smile on her face finally genuine. _You’re one of the strongest people I know, Sayori… you truly are._

Following her performance, she takes a bow and quickly trots away. Yuri takes her place, striding hastily up to the podium, laying her notebook down.

“This… um, th-this poem is…”

 Yuri looks around the room nervously, suddenly aware that she’s reading aloud to more than just the club. Her gaze lands on Natsuki, who smiles back encouragingly. With a deep breath, Yuri turns back to her poem.

“Yes… this poem is titled:

**Heartbeat**

_Pounding eyes, exasperation,_

_Flowing, Liquid conflagration,_

_Rhythmic pulse of candid blush,_

_Delicate notes, thoughts that rush!_

_A considerate quail, quietly quelled,_

_Sleepy ribbons of bliss excelled,_

_Careful hearts are wild and flimsy,_

_Patched or broken on ultimate whimsy!_

_Nebulous trails of dainty tracks,_

_Final thoughts, no turning back!_

_Irrepressible, fervent drive to breathe,_

_Kindness calmed, that will never leave!_

_Exalted glow of fluorescent moss,_

_Graceful steps of love or loss,_

_Happy thoughts, or hidden grief,_

_A Cautiously cut, crimson leaf!_

_Thrashing thread of an untamed gaze,_

_Cacophonous chaos of hearts ablaze,_

_Sparkling sounds of silent desire,_

_from strawberry rhythms that never tire._

_Yuri… wow…_

If only Yuri was able to show this level of confidence on a regular basis. She maintains total command of the room, pulling her audience further into her world. Bright sparks of simile flash around us, the cool rush of metaphor sending shivers down my spine. Even after she finishes, no one can bring themselves to interrupt her aura with applause. Her writing is impeccable; it really is something I would love to see again.

Once she notices everyone in the room looking back awe-struck, she scurries away, her face flushing. Natsuki takes this as her cue to come to the front of the room. Wearing a sharp grin, she looks out at the room in front of her.

“Are you ready, everyone! They saved the best ‘til last! This poem is called:

**Rhythm**

_Thoughtful flowers in paradise,_

_Kindhearted kisses, once then thrice,_

_Violet pulses from my chest,_

_Bashful blushing, my ultimate test!_

_Reticent smiles, I accept my fate_

_My beating heart I’ll liberate,_

_Pen strokes pool in a puddle of ink,_

_Faces flush, no time to think!_

_Timid stuttering, one, two, three,_

_I can do this, you’ll soon see!_

_Let me closer, picking posies,_

_Look at me now, cheeks all rosy!_

_Primal fears settling in,_

_Shake them away, or face chagrin,_

_Forcing myself, I shout to you!_

_You turn around, glistening hues,_

_I gulp down my savoury pride,_

_Revealing the feelings held inside,_

_You hold my hands, sweet success,_

_As you smile, and tell me “yes”._

Now _this_ is a poem. Natsuki has crafted a delightful piece that plays with powerful themes through simple imagery. She sounds much more enthused than she was during our practice recital; her voice is happy but determined. I’m pleasantly surprised by how much effort she puts into her performance; it shows just how much she cares about the literature club.

As she reaches the end, she takes a dainty bow and walks away.

_It finally happened… everyone read out their poems… in front of other people!_

_It’s… so nice…_

_…_

Before I know it, the festival is winding down for the day. Whilst I doubt we’ll be getting any new club members, I’m still proud of everyone for doing their best. I wasn’t really sure what to expect since I’ve never made it this far, but I guess this is as good as I could’ve asked for. Sayori and Emery are embracing each other on one side of the room, whilst Yuri and Natsuki are talking amongst themselves on the other side. It seems like everyone else has someone to spend time with; they deserve to have a happy ending.

_But maybe… I can be happy too?_

Sitting at the teacher’s desk, I pull my laptop out and flip it open, navigating to the messenger application I’d been left with. A sleek interface pops up, and a green light blinks along the top of my screen, indicating that my webcam is on.

For a few, eternal seconds, all I can see is static.

_Come on… please…_

“ _…KRTZTZ…a…ou…r…e…? KRRTRTZZ_ ”

“Hello…?” I say cautiously, trying to listen closely.

“ _…an you hea…e…?_ ”

Suddenly, the static cuts out.

“… _Can you hear me?_ ”

_I… Oh my god…_

All I can do is stare at the screen, covering my mouth with my hand in awe. Before me, I see another person, their eyes scanning their own screen. I nod in acknowledgement; I feel like I’ll cry if I try to speak.

The person sighs, then smiles warmly.

“ _Oh, thank goodness… It’s good to finally meet you, Monika_.”

“…you too…”

Resting my chin on my interlocked fingers, I look into their eyes.

“ _We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?_ ”

I giggle. “Yes… Yes, we do.”

_The next chapter of my life begins now…_


End file.
